S. Samuel
As "International Hov" gets set to toss another candle onto his multi-million dollar birthday cake, the good folks at SOHH decided that this year, Jigga ought to up the ante on his Kanye West assisted single, "N*ggas in Paris" by globe-trotting for a cause this December 4th. And while The Big Homie may ring bells on all four corners of the globe, here a 5 very specific locales we feel Jay should celebrate on his final birthday before fatherhood.
1. China
“Y’all n*ggas truly ain’t ready for this “Dynasty” thing/ Y’all thinking Blake Carrington, I’m thinkin’ more like Ming.” – Jay-Z, “4 Da Fam”
On Monday morning, the entertainment mogul announced that the NBA Nets would have a new name once they take the court at the Barclays Center in Brooklyn in approximately one year. “We’ve decided that the final name would be the Brooklyn Nets,” said the rapper who grew up only minutes away at the Marcy Houses and later at 560 State Street. (My Fox NY)
Let’s face it, the New Jersey Nets suck, but hopefully the Brooklyn Nets won’t if co-owner Jigga, has anything to say about it. The Houston Rockets may not have won a championship during their Yao Ming days (or even gotten past the first round with a healthy Yao), but the pandemonium and excitement he brought to the game made fans not care. Jay’s a steady worker, maybe he can find the “next” beast from the (Far) East just in time for the NBA tip-off later this month.
2. Wall Street
“I’m not a businessman, I’m a Business, man/ Let me handle my business, damn.” – Jay-Z, “Diamonds (Remix)”
American sculptor Daniel Edwards has just unveiled his latest work: a sculpting of Jay-Z depicted as a Scrooge McDuck type character. The unveiling comes just days after the popular New York rapper was panned by critics for trying to capitalize off the “Occupy Wall Street” grassroots movement by releasing a line of t-shirts that read: “Occupy All Streets.” The artwork shows Jay-Z wearing several chains with a large dollar sign on his chest. Above him are various fictional characters known for being cheapskates including Mr. Burns from The Simpsons, Disney’s Scrooge Mc Duck and Richie Rich. (RumorFix)
What better way for Jay-Z to prove his real feelings about the Occupy Wall Street movement than to appear at Zuccotti Park with a sleeping bag, hot cocoa and a birthday cake? Jay’s always been the type to ride or die with the best revolutionary leaders (Che Guevara, Malcolm X) and so why not prove the haters wrong? No passport necessary here — but you may want to borrow 50 Cent‘s vest, because these cats stand up to the pigs on a daily basis, and we doubt they won’t hesitate to cap a camel. Speaking of which–
3. Egypt
“Now these n*gga’s is mad, oh they call me a camel/ But I mastered the drought, what the f*ck, I’m an animal.” – Jay-Z, “Already Home”
According to Peedi, his “Camel Face” jab at Jay Z was nothing personal. According to him it was retribution for Jay Z dropping just about every artist from his Rocafella label. Peeri told MediaTakeOut.com, ” I put the Camel Face [EXPLETIVE] out as a reaction to Jay Z dropping everybody from Rocafella recently … He set up a meeting to have a one on one talk with all of us … As opposed to having the one-on-one meeting he sent an A and R from Def Jam to break the news .. which was a h*e move to me.” (Media Takeout)
No one likes being called names. Not even one of the biggest music icons of the past several decades. But still, the camel comparisons began popping up way back in 1997 and haven’t let up since. It’s cool though, because Hov is always looking for a good cause, why not fly out to Egypt and fight for the rights of his humpbacked cousins? No being should be forced to have their backs ridden for one’s personal gain, and Hov’s very familiar with that that topic. Hey, he said it best himself, “Half-man half-mammal. My sign is a Sag, this is just what I plan to do. Oh don’t be mad.” [Oh. Jigga, by the way: A man is already a mammal, so that line sorta doesn’t make sense bruh bruh.]
4. Washington, D.C.
“The problem is, you dudes treat the one that you lovin’/ With the same respect that you treat the one that you humpin'” – Jay-Z, “03 Bonnie & Clyde”
Herman Cain faces an awkward meeting with his wife Gloria on Friday after admitting he had not told her he paid bills for a woman who claims to have been his lover of 13 years. The Republican presidential hopeful said the meeting at their home in Sandy Springs, on the outskirts of Atlanta, Georgia – his first face to face with his wife since she learned the news – will be decisive in whether he remains in the race. (The Guardian)
If his hand’s in the cookie jar — know one thing, he’s gonna take the cookie, not get publicly outed by a slew of jumpoffs looking for their own reality show on Oxygen. Say what you want about Mr. Carter, but the man is excellent at keeping his private … ahem … affairs (y’all peep that double entendre?) on the hush. Which is why he’d be the perfect dude to school Cain on how to remain relevant while keeping his pimp hand strong. Leave the passport at home for this trip; Hov may have 99 problems, but a b*tch ain’t one.
5. Wherever This Kid Is
“Now they wanna do ya boy like Mike in his prime/ Billie Jean the g****mn boy ain’t mine.” – Jay-Z, “American Gangster”
Does Jay-Z have a secret son? The answer is no. The old rumor that Shenelle Scott is Jay-Z’s baby mother has popped up again and just because you keep telling a rumor over and over again, doesn’t make it true.(Global Grind)
Ladies: Stop telling your son’s that Jay-Z is their daddy. Sh*t is worse than telling your kids that Santa is real or that Detox is “coming soon.” Trill talk: Over the years, Hov has been accused of having more kids than an Ethiopian orphanage. Soap Opera Groupies: All these b*tches sound like All My Children. But you gotta admit, the kid in the photo above looks so much like him that the least Jigga could’ve done was give him that role as young Jay in the “Roc Boys” video. Either way, the true heir to the throne will be here shortly, which means Memphis Bleek may see a slight reduction in revenue in Hov’s will, somewhere.
Happy 42nd birthday, Shawn Carter. Wherever you ultimately decide to jetset, may you buy out the bar, cop the right watch (not the bright watch) and finally, may you enjoy several more years of black excellence. Travel well.
“You ain’t gotta enough stamps in your passport to f*ck with Young H-O.” – Jay-Z “30 Something”
