S. Samuel
It's that time of year, doggies, where we take the time out of our own lives and show love and admiration to the mothers who brought us into this world......but with the emergence of the "baby mama," Bulldog Butterworth is here to honor the top child-bearing ladies of hip-hop.
[Editor’s Note: The views of this column do not necessarily reflect those of SOHH.com]
Baby Mama
Before we get this sh*t started, I first want to thank the powers that be @sohhdotcom for allowing me to take-over for this special occasion and not do the typical sappy sh*t that we hear and read and f*cking sleep through from EVERYBODY, EVERY YEAR. F*ck that. Since a year ago in May, we saw the rise of Rick Ross and 5-0 Cent‘s beef become ignited courtesy of a few different baby mamas, one that rocked the furs and another that spread open the fur for “Pimpin’ Curly.” LMFAO. We also were introduced, most vividly, to all that makes up Lil Wayne‘s first baby mama who went from being his ex-wife to an independent chick with a f*cking hit television show. Speaking of which, how many baby mamas did Wayne create over this past year? SMFH. D*mn doggies, for those politically minded, let’s make sure we all have an understanding to what makes a baby mama, courtesy of Wikipedia:
A baby mama (also baby-mama and baby-mother) is generally defined as a mother who is not married to her child’s father, although the term often is used with other meanings as well. Originally, the term was used by the fathers of children born out of wedlock to describe the mothers of their children, but the term is now in general use to describe any single mother. Since entering currency in U.S. tabloids, the terms baby mama and baby daddy have even begun to be applied to married and engaged celebrities. The Oxford English Dictionary defines baby mama as “the mother of a man’s child, who is not his wife or (in most cases) his current or exclusive partner.
And with that sh*t said, let’s roll out the awards, doggies.
1. The Most Paid Baby Mama Winner: Kelis Rogers-Jones
Never in my life have I been more scared to f*ck around with “Milk Shakes” until I witnessed the a** whopping that “Hey Nas” baby mama did to old boy. D*mn, doggies. Before we even get a close look at the pay-out she is getting from Nasty Nas, let’s realize that she married him in 2005, got knocked up by him in late 2008, took a break from him, claimed that he was cheating, filed for divorce and then all h*ll broke loose. I hate to sound heartless, but we all see Kelis used their baby, Knight, as the biggest bargaining tool in the f*cking world. D*mn, Nas even admitted he couldn’t pay that paper on the “Strong Will Continue” track.
“Twisted and mangled, sort of like Bruce Lee life/ Cursed with his son Brandon/ If that’s you and me Knight/ I pray our fate’s greater…..How in the h*ll am I supposed to stay comfy/ When I pay child support, alimony monthly…So I’ve stuck with some married women so fine, cheating while their husband rushing on the 40-yard line/ Wonder if this is what my ex did the whole time.”
Yes, doggies, Kelis wins this award simply due to the fact that she’s getting over $50,000 a month from Nasty and has officially made him broke:
Nas claims he can’t afford to pay Kelis the child and spousal support ordered by the court. As we first reported, a court ordered Nas last month to pay more than $87,000 in back spousal and child support. The judge also ordered Nas to pay Kelis $10,000 a month in spousal support to stay current. It’s unclear how much Nas is required to pay in monthly child support. Nas says in the new legal docs obtained by TMZ … the judge predicated the order on Nas making $152,031 a month, but the rapper says he makes “substantially less than that amount.” Nas’ lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, is asking the judge to take another look at the damage to Nas’ wallet.
Let’s do the math, monthly spousal support ($40,454), monthly child support ($10,647) and attorney fees? D*mn. Congrats Kelis, you are the most-paid baby mama this year!
2. Most Talked About Baby Mama: Erica “Erykah Badu” Wright
If I felt like there should have been a MILF category, then d*mn doggies, Erykah Badu would have won that sh*t hands down, too. Now I know most of y’all want to say other baby mamas were talked about this past year but after Badu put out that half-a** naked video on YouTube, EVERYDOGGY in the f*cking world found themselves pumping that Neo Soul sh*t in their iPods/iTunes. Don’t care that she has a sh*t load of music to her name dating back to the 1990’s, but then she does the NUDE “Window Seat” music video and not only did we see her image get plastered on every f*cking music site once again, we saw her get parodied EVERYWHERE:
Donnell Rawlings
Wanda Sykes
Not only did comedians give her some shine, but Badu’s street credibility got shot all the way the f*ck up thanks to her naked a**.
Erykah Badu entered a plea of not guilty Wednesday to the charge of disorderly conduct in relation to a video in which she strips in downtown Dallas’ Dealey Plaza. In March, the 39-year-old Dallas singer went nude in public for her video called “Window Seat.” Badu said she picked Dealey Plaza since it was one of the most popular places in the city.
Oh, and if y’all doggies still ain’t convinced, she went on to sell 110,400 copies of her new album, New Amerykah Part Two, that just so HAPPENED to come out two days after her NUDE video and made it to No. 4 in her first week in stores. SMFH. Congratulations Erykah, you had the Internet looking at your a** and music video.
3. Baby Mama With The Most Baby Daddies: Erica “Erykah Badu” Wright
D*mn, does anyone actually have a running tally of how many baby daddies Erykah Badu has? Sh*t, not disrespect but that kitty kat after 39 years of being on this Earth has got to be one of the most unusual looking body parts on her, but probably nothing as compared to Kat Stacks‘ sh*t. LOL. It’s not enough that Erykah has more than one baby, but it’s to the extreme that she went to have these babies. I mean, d*mn, Andre 3000? D.O.C.? F*cking homeless Jay Electronica? What was she doing, going through iTunes and randomly picking rappers to f*ck? SMFH. I’ll let the all-powerful Wikipedia explain to y’all why Badu wins this category:
Badu splits her time between Dallas and Brooklyn, NY in her Fort Greene apartment. Badu has three children. Her eldest child is a son named Seven Sirius born in 1997 with ex-partner Andre 3000 of OutKast. From 2000 to 2002 she dated rapper Common. On July 5, 2004, Badu gave birth to a daughter, Puma Sabti, in her Dallas home; Puma’s father is West Coast rapper The D.O.C. who is originally from Dallas, Texas. On February 1, 2009 Badu gave birth to her third child at home, a girl named Mars Merkaba, with her boyfriend of five years, rapper Jay Electronica. In attendance were her two children Puma and Seven.
D*mn, Commmon got out of that sticky situation, huh? SMFH. I wonder if all these RAPPERS were “accidental” or maybe a bit more…….intentional?
4. Biggest Baby Mama Maker: Dwayne “Lil Wayne” Carter
LMFAO. Don’t get uptight, baby mama’s, this is still your celebration but think about it, if you were in the 1,000,000-radius of Lil Wayne anytime this year, you may want to give yourself a pregnancy test and make sure you’re not expecting. Yes, doggies, it seemed like Lil Wayne turned into the “Guessing Game Man” with random women he allegedly knocked up. LMFAO. It actually turned out that almost any chick he did a collaboration with that she was pregnant with their money-maker, a Lil Wayne Baby baby. LOL. Wayne really does love them all, huh?
Lil Wayne & Nivea
Wayne did not provide many details about the impending birth in the BBC interview. “Two girls pregnant at the same time?” radiopersonality Tim Westwood said. “Congratulations.” Wayne responded “Three,” before clarifying his remark for Westwood, who thought the rapper meant he’d gotten three women pregnant at the same time. “I mean [I’ll have] three sons,” he explained. When Wayne was asked if Nivea was expecting, he responded “yessir.”
Lil Wayne & Lauren London
“Motherhood has changed me alot,” she revealed in an interview. “I’ve definitely calmed down. I had a temper in the past and I don’t as much anymore. My son definitely puts stuff in perspective. The things I thought were really really important, aren’t. I don’t look at the surface as much anymore. A lot of things I was doing before were really selfish and now it’s not about me. It’s about him. I’m blessed that I am not parenting him alone. I have help and I get to do what I love. Wayne is a great dad. He’s a great father. I have no complaints!”
Lil Wayne & Toya
“We talk,” she said in an interview. “We have a great relationship. He’s a great father. He tells [our daughter] about [his other kids], so I just go along with the flow. I’m good with all of [his children’s mothers]. I try to keep the kids cool because they’re all in the same situation, so we don’t have time for any drama.”
Lil Wayne & The Mystery Girl, Sarah B
But now sources say Lil Wayne’s baby mam is Sarah B, 22, a Vietnamese/Caucasian model originally from Cincinnati. “Sarah met Wayne at a concert three years ago and she followed him on tour after that,” according to Babble.com. “The pair have been an on-again, off-again couple for some time. I’m assuming they’re on again.”
Congratulations Lil Wayne, you and your sperm have kept humanity alive.
5. Baby Mama Of The Year: Tia Kemp
The biggest baby mama of the year has to be, hands down, Tia Kemp for showing the true value of only having relevance because you f*cked and had a son(s) by a rapper’s enemy. SMFH. For anyone who missed out on all the f*ckery over the past 12 months, Wikipedia “Tia Kemp” and find out that she not only released a book “exposing” Rick Ross, too late for that sh*t, but she teamed with 5-0 Cent, got ridiculous amounts of interviews, appeared on magazine covers like Smooth, and, well sh*t. Let’s take a quick look at the baby mama’s poster girl.
“I ain’t even getting a phone call [from Ross], he won’t return from my texts, my son wanna talk to him,” Kemp said in an interview. “Haven’t seen him since January, when he stole the truck. I don’t know what’s up with him…N*gga you ain’t got to talk to me but holla at your son because I ain’t gonna stop you from loving him. He stopped paying his child support, the last two months he hasn’t sent a check or nothing…[After seeing the sex tape] I just feel sorry for her daughters, it’s sad. And then she did an interview in Hip-Hop Weekly saying that her older daughter saw the tape. It’s just sad, you know? I can understand you doing some things when you were 17, 18 years-old but god d*mn, once you become a mother, there’s certain things you just can’t [do]. There’s no control in that household. My son dyin’ to see the sh*t. My two older sons dying to see the sh*t. I can’t let them see it though, they’ve been wanting to see it. I got a 12 year-old and 10 year-old.”
Believe dat doggies, the baby mama of Rick Ross actually got her sh*t sold on Amazon.com.
Published by Tru Life Publishing, the 288 page text will come out May 20 for a standard price of $14.95. Tia’s Diary: Deeper Than Rap: Clarity, Truth, & Exposure will be available via paperback. Pre-order options are currently available.
SMFH. But the worst sh*t? Getting free exposure with 5-0 Cent and using it to dismantle your baby daddy’s credibility.
SMFH. Even though sh*t has piped down and 5-0 is not looking to f*ck with Rick Ross anymore, Tia Kemp held down May 2009 to May 2010, no questions asked. In honor of all the baby mama’s out here, including my own girl, Marissa, I have one final lasting word to all the men out here, WEAR CONDOMS!
BONUS: The Male Rappers Discuss Baby Mama Drama
