S. Samuel
[In celebration of G-Unit rapper Tony Yayo's 32nd birthday today, SOHH has conjured a list of five legal ventures the ex-convict could dominate while waiting for the music industry sales to incline.]
1. Gentleman’s Club Owner: Tony’s Cabaret Hideaway
“I don’t, love, hoes – I’m sharin them/I ain’t lovin them, or handcuffin them – cause baby I’m pimpin/You, love, hoes – you chasin them/You be lacin them, while I’m replacin them – cause baby I’m pimpin.” (Pimpin’)
What better profession for Tony Yayo legally “pimp” women than becoming the proud owner of a strip club? Just listen to some of Tony Yayo’s lyrics off “Pimpin'” and it’s clear that he’s in the mind frame of separating business and personal pleasure. And imagine, he could have the entire club playing G-Unit songs and even give live performances in between pole dances. GGG-GGG-GGGGo for it, Yayo!
2. Women’s Lingerie Designer: G-Unit G-Strings
“Sometimes I rhyme slow sometimes I rhyme quick/That’s the reason these groupies is on my d*ck /Listen young and old these h*es is loose /Wintertimes the staircase summertimes the roof /Gimme 8 days in the 8th homie I’m straight /Have a church girl on the bus moving weight /I got birds backstage the serious eye candy /I got birds in the hood so I’m in to birds with Mary /My writing methods got me more h*es than Tyson Beckford /Icy necklace on the tour bus a** naked here staright jump/B*tch say how high and flag down a car when the sh*t drive by /I’m a pimp like Pretty Tone, I got the info on the pretty chrome /F*cking h*es over fifty four/ My name hold weight you barely known /You on that R Kelly sh*t your b*tch is barely grown” (Groupie Love)
With all the women Tony Yayo has encountered since rolling with 50 Cent, we’re sure he’s peeped a ton of underwear game, and has an opinion of what negligees look best coming off of different women. So why not make some money off of those moneymakers? G-String. G-Unit. G-enius.
3. Probation Counselor: Special Advisor Mr. Yayo
“Well when you go to court, that’ll be [Lil Wayne’s] last time,” Yayo said in an interview. “So you better boot something. Make sure you bring some weed or whatever, right? Make sure you bring your weed or your sizzurp, make sure you boot that. Cheek it. Tell him to cheek his pills, he better cheek all his drugs. He better make sure he boot, put that sh*t in his system. No h*mo, it’s in you. He’s gonna get processed quick because he’s a super star, they know everywhere we bring this n*gga, all right, it’s gonna be a problem. So when they go from Manhattan Court, they’re gonna have him sitting in his own cell in the back of the courtroom and then boom, they’re gonna take him to Rikers Island — he’s gonna get processed, take his name, take his picture, everybody’s gonna be open, his mugshots, C.O.’s are gonna look out for him, his bid is gonna be easy.” (SOHH)
Just look at the gems of knowledge Yayo has given to rappers like T.I. and Lil Wayne before headed to jail for committed crimes. Examine his debut album title, Thoughts of a Predicate Felon. Being a probation counselor for rappers heading in and getting out of the pen would be the perfect move for Yayo off of the strength that he’s serving up advice from the first-person standpoint. Since being freed from a jail bid in 2004, Yayo has done a stellar job at remaining outside of a jail cell. If he makes this move, Yayo could actually become a model citizen.
4. After-School Program Director: Yayo’s Youngstas Yard
G-Unit’s Tony Yayo and The G-Unity Foundation recently made a memorable visit to Brooklyn’s Ronald Edmonds Learning Center. Yayo and the G-Unity Foundation made a donation to pay for the four buses the middle school uses for its annual college tour. Yayo also took time out to interact with students, sign autographs and take pictures. (YouTube)
Who says only Wu-Tang is for the kids? G-Unit has been putting it down for the kids since 50 Cent first came out. And what better way to really boost the Unit’s image in a time when music is starting to get taken over by Justin Bieber and Willow Smith? Not only would Yayo directing an after-school program be a good look for the Unit, but it would help him erase that nasty talk about him allegedly smacking Game’s manager Jimmy Henchman’s son in 2007.
5. Gangster Novel Narrator: The Talk of N.Y.’s Talkin’ Books
G-Unit Books is an imprint started by rapper 50 Cent on January 4, 2007. He launched his G-Unit Books imprint at the Time Warner Building in New York. He also co-wrote The Ski Mask Way, a novel about a small-time drug dealer who attempts to rob his employers. 50 Cent also said he was reading The 33 Strategies of War by Robert Greene and is currently working with the author on a book titled The 50th Law, an urban take on The 48 Laws of Power. (YouTube)
While we all love Morgan Freeman, something about allowing him to narrate the story of Freeway Ricky Ross rubs us the wrong way. It’s time for someone who not only has street credibility in addition to a signature voice that we could identify to start relaying these “ghetto tales”. What better way than to hear the story about the real “American Gangster” with Yayo reading each story on an audio CD? Hey, he might become a better storyteller…literally!
From all of us at SOHH, Happy Birthday Tony Yayo!
