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Tim Dog’s The New Makaveli, Diddy’s Prank Fizzles, Chief Keef’s Bootyful Fiancée

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In this week’s Pulse Report, we’re going to consider if Tim Dog is really the modern-day Makaveli, shake our heads at Diddy’s attempt at humor, drool over Chief Keef’s girlfrirend, fiancée, whatever, and oh SOHH much more!

[Editor’s Note: The views expressed in this column do not necessarily reflect those of SOHH]

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1. Come W/ Me

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Are we really having this discussion, doggies? Honestlly, is this all really going down? Have we become so bored in hip-hop that we’ve got to make Tim Dog the new 2Pac? SMH. It’s borderline hilarious and pitiful at the same damn time. After all these years, many of us still believing Pac is sipping on Pina Coladas down on some tropical island, we come to find out if there’s one rapper that may have faked his own death, it’s the big, ol’, bad Tim Dog? C’mon.

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A woman who was swindled by a famous rapper says ‘Tim Dog’ may be up to his biggest scam yet. The rapper reportedly died in February, but the Mid-South woman he scammed believes the con man may have faked his own death. Timothy Blair, more commonly known as Tim Dog, owes her money. When he was reported dead, she says, all the payments stopped. He got famous in the 90s for his song about Compton, but Tim Dog’s lasting legacy, in Esther Pilgrim’s mind, will be something else, “He really thinks he can outsmart everybody.” She says the rapper swindled her out $32,000, “A fictitious business deal.” She’s not the only one who says Tim Dog is a con man. “Twenty victims have contacted me personally from around the world,” she said. (WREG News)

In 2011, a Mississippi judge ordered Blair to pay her back, “One hundred dollars per month.” Esther says she received those payments up until she got the phone call that Tim Dog was dead. In February, media outlets, including Rolling Stone, reported the 46-year-old rapper died from complications of diabetes. Esther says at first, she believed it like everybody else. Then she did some digging, “There was nothing of what you would normally find. What city? Who found him? There was nothing with any type of concrete details.” She even had a friend go down to Atlanta this week, where he allegedly died, to find his death certificate, “They weren’t able to find any record of his death.” In fact, News Channel 3 used private investigator Andy Wilson who said he couldn’t find a death record for Timothy Blair either. Esther says Tim Dog owes upwards of $2 million to people around the world and she believes his own death might be just be his biggest con yet, “Oh, I think there is a great chance that he’s alive.” A private investigator has also confirmed an active address for Blair in Atlanta as of April. (WREG)

Now I know I’m going to upset some old hip-hop heads out there, but the main problem with this is exactly why no one cares about the Naughty By Nature, who cares? If it could have been Big L, Big Pun, Guru, Notorious B.I.G., 2Pac or even Jam Master Jay, then it changes things drastically, but we’re talking about basically a one-hit wonder that hasn’t been relevant since before most of us were born. And then, when you factor in it’s all because of some debt problems due to him scamming women? C’mon, really? This is going to be a hot story for maybe another 48 hours, but when the trail continues to go nowhere, it’ll stop.

Think about it for a second, who has the time, money or even interest to follow this? Granted, it would be an instant, “OH!!!” moment, but after a couple quick posts about how Tim Dog faked his own death, would it make you want to buy his whole collection of records? Or what about go to a Tim Dog show? Just some food for thought. Rest in peace to Tim Dog, until he shows up on the A-Train with me one day. LOL.

NEXT: Diddy Bop

2. Take That, Rewind It Back & Trash It

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Diddy, don’t take this the wrong way, especially since you saw me pretty much “Ether” up Tim Dog’s career in less than 500 words, give or take. You’ve done so much for hip-hop and you’ve even shown some acting skills in flicks like Monster’s Ball and Get Him to the Greek, but this little stunt you pulled off this week was really, really, really…BAD. I know you had the best intentions of doing something totally unexpected, but you reall disconnected with your core audience with that FunnyOrDie “Downton Abbey/Diddy” skit. I understand that was the point, but you could have done something a little closer to home, like a morning soap opera or even one of those “2 Broke Girls” types of shows. For all of y’all that don’t know what I’m talking about, here’s a quick recap:

Diddy will not be starring in Downton Abbey, in spite of apparently claiming he would be taking a recurring role in the hit costume drama. The US rapper turned out to have been promoting a skit on Will Ferrell’s Funny Or Die website. The prospect of Lord and Lady Grantham being overshadowed by glittering bling, and Cristal served to a disapproving dowager countess was raised on 15 May when Diddy announced via his Twitter feed he would be joining the cast of Julian Fellowes’s ITV drama. (The Guardian)

Maybe it’s just me, but did that make you laugh? Okay, maybe the scene where he whips dude’s hand off his face and then when he tells the two older women to kiss, but you could see he was clearly placed in real scenes from the show. Only problem is NO ONE had no idea who the characters were, what the relationships were about or even the time period it was supposed to take place. Even worse than all of that was the promo Diddy did, saying how he was really going to be featured on the show which got a lot of people saying, “Congrats…..I guess” and even had respected publications like Billboard/Wall Street Journal going to verify if it was true. If you find that part funny, then congrats, it just felt like a complete waste of time that led to a spoof that most of us didn’t hardly get. At all. Now a spoof video of him and Cassie making a homemade tape, well, you don’t need me telling FunnyOrDie how to come up with their content. LOL.

NEXT: Pretty Mesha

3. Moment of the Week: Chief Keef Making Pretty Mesha His Wifey

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Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming, LOL. Chief Keef made me an instant fan this week. I really did not care too much for his songs, thought it was kinda cool that he joined Gucci Mane’s label last week but once I found out he pretty much wifed up a stripper by the name of Pretty Mesha, my Mrs. Bulldog Butters radar went off the chain! As y’all can see, she’s nothing short than one sexy mother…. yeah, you get what I’m saying. There’s no telling if it’s legit or not, but this whole fiancée thing is pretty hot for a couple reasons. It’s hot because it remnids me of how young Chief Keef is. At 17, he’s ready to get married? LOL! Secondly, it’s one thing to have young love, but when you fall in love with a stripper, what are you called T-Pain? SPRUNG! LOL!

Chief Keef definitely is enjoying his fame and all the spoils struggle raps have brought him. One such perk is the love of model and skripper Pretty Mesha. She’s definitely got the goods and is probably totally in love with Keef for the person he is and nothing else. Whatever the case, these two are heading to the altar and it should be the most elegant wedding of all time. Way to go. (Bossip)

Hot tamale! She’s very sexy, but at the same time, she’s “stripper” sexy. I know that sounds mean as hell to say, but look at her. She has the body of a stripper, well, Miami stripper, she has the over-the-top tats, the high-class need for expensive clothes and jewelry, does anyone else see my point? Just hope they do a pre-nup if this is for real. LOL.

NEXT: Mrs. Butterworth

4. Mrs. Butterworth: Zoe Saldana

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Let me tell you all a quick secret about Zoe Saldana. Well, it’s not so much a secret about her as it is an embarassing confession about one of my friends, and nah, it’s not me pretending and making up some fictional person. One of my best doggies has a huge crush on Zoe Saldana, so much that he got one of those six-month temporary tattoos of her on his back. Ready for the kicker? He got her Avatar character tatted on his back! LOL! Idiot, right? His argument was that he had the best of both worlds: Zoe “and” his favorite-movie Avatar all in one. SMH. Now if y’all are like me, hopefully y’all are, I’m more about the “real” Zoe and by the looks of these photos, she’s a tasty hottie! Zoe, you might be storming into your mid-30’s, but you’re still the cutest Mrs. Butterworth in Hollywood.

SMH. She reminds you of that cute girl you never took seriously back in high school, you know, the girl that didn’t really have those thick thighs or banging chest, but was probably the coolest girl you knew and the more you think about it, probably someone you could have really made a serious relationship out of if you just ignored those skeezy chicks with the thongs showing and multi-color lip gloss collections. SMH.

NEXT: Rappers Say

5. Rappers Say The Darndest Things

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Nope, nope, nope, we had to go with just one silly, ridiculous statement for today. I’m sorry, y’all know I try to limit how often I put the light on just one doggy brave enough to take the scrutiny of the dumbest stuff said in an entire week all by himself/herself and that’s Busta Rhymes. Saying that you think Eminem, Nas and Jay-Z “might” be too scared to collaborate with other artists! LOL! Okay, for the record Eminem did an entire album with equally lyrical rapper Royce Da 5’9, Nas has shared the same mic with Jay-Z on numerous accounts and oh yeah, Jay-Z just happened to do an entire album with possibly the best runner-up rapper behind Lil Wayne in Kanye West. Shook? Nah…

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“There’s one of two reasons to me why the same people appear on every song: one reason is either they’re just the hottest dudes, and the other reason is . . . [Long pause] It’s interesting to me that Eminem isn’t on a lot of people’s sh*t. It’s interesting to me that Nas isn’t on a lot of people’s sh*t. It’s interesting to me that Jay-Z isn’t on a lot of people’s sh*t. A lot of the very dangerously lyrical motherf*ckers. I think there’s a fear factor that plays a role, because sometimes you really don’t know if you’re going to be happy with what you asked for – especially if you might get your a** whooped on your own f*cking record!”

***Weekend time! Yeah, y’all know I’m shook about my New York Knicks but the bottom line is they’re still alive today, that’s all that matters. And don’t get it twisted, they didn’t work this hard all year just to get knocked out in the second round. It’s Eastern Conference Finals to take down the Miami Heat and then off to likely face the Grizzlies for everything. Make no mistake about it, there will be another game after tomorrow! LOL. See y’all Tuesday! –BB***

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