SOHH’s Top Celebs You Won’t See At Jay-Z’s B-Day Party (That AREN’T Dame Dash)

SOHH’s Top Celebs You Won’t See At Jay-Z’s B-Day Party (That AREN’T Dame Dash)

[With tomorrow marking Roc Nation CEO Jay-Z’s 41st birthday, SOHH has compiled a list of celebrity guests you most likely won’t catch toasting to his honor.]

1. State Property

State Property (Happy Birthday Jay-Z)

“You supposed to pass that Roc when that ball got heavy,” Sigel raps, “Instead you gettin’ picked at half court already — He 45 and playing for the Wizards already — I’m a nightmare, show up in your dreams like Freddy/Sigel, Desert Eagle Arc heavy, already, n*ggas is running scared already/Memph Bleek peed the sheets leave the bed all wetty/Ugh, let’s get it on already — Jeezy blew, everybody trappin’ now/I got caught with a gat, they tried to roof a n*gga, offered me 30 flat, for shootin’ a n*gga, but shorty got caught with some hardware and he home already/Something wrong there, if I don’t see it, I don’t say it/That’s how I play it, I’m just saying what they saying but they scared to say it…” (“Already” Freestyle)

No bullies allowed at this celebration. The only broad street Jay-Z knows is Broadway and even though we’re guessing Freeway and Young Chris might sneak into the soiree, Beans, Peedi Crakk and company will likely have to wait in their Bentleys…outside of JFK Airport, until Jay-Z returns from some tropical island birthday party.

2. DeHaven

Dehaven (Happy Birthday Jay-Z)

“Everybody hears it through Jay-Z’s lyrics, you know, that’s who I am,” Haven said in an interview. “Basically, I was his right-hand man. Beyond that, we was brothers. As you’ll see, I’m getting ready to put out a documentary, it’s actually doing to lay out everything so you’ll understand even why the YouTube is being put together…It’s beyond just friendship, it goes a little deeper than that…I feel he disrespected me for a while, and I chose to come out and say something now…The specific reason why we had a falling out? That’s the $10 million question right now…I get asked that everyday. And the bottom line, that’s what I’m trying to find out. What happened? Why this disrespect? For him to not even give me time, even to act like he didn’t know me, for all that I sacrificed, all that my people’s sacrificed, all that my family sacrificed. I never knew it would get to this…” (Hip-Hop Gossip)

Sure, Jay-Z knows and remembers his homeboys from the early days, but just because you went from Marcy to Hollywood and back again while Jay sort of, umm, stayed in Hollywood doesn’t mean throwing darts is the best way to get him to pick up the phone. Scoot over Jaz-O, you might have to share some pie with DeHaven.

3. Diddy

Diddy (Happy Birthday Jay-Z)

Looks like Jay Electronica signing to Roc Nation has effected his relationship with Diddy. Diddy tweeted earlier today, “D*mn it hurts in a whole other way when someone you felt mean really felt was your Friend, Betrays you. It hurts when [you] Breathe.” It is public knowledge that Diddy has courted Jay Electronica for Bad Boy Records, but never was able to lure him in. They have some recording history, with the track “The Ghost Of Christopher Wallace.” Looks like Jay Z’s roster is bolstered while Diddy is left just shaking his head in disbelief. (The Source)

Even though we know Jay-Z and Diddy are really close, you can’t convince us that Hov jacking Jay Electronica isn’t the real reason Jay should expect to receive a “wrking on last trn 2 pars” direct message Tweet from Puff as an explanation for his absence on December 4th. 

[Not everyone loves Diddy either! Check to see who may’ve declined to attend Diddy’s 41st Birthday Bash in November!]

4. Joe Camel

Joe Camel (Happy Birthday Jay-Z)

Anytime you’re on the cover of Rolling Stone its a huge deal but something went completely wrong when the person in Jay-Z’s camp responsible for approving this cover signed off. Since his entrance into the game almost 20 years ago, Jigga has had to battle critics taking jabs at his uncanny resemblance to the cartoon former mascot of Camel cigarettes, Joe Camel. And just as the disses and comparisons have subsided in recent years, this cover drops almost certain to bring back all the old jokes. (High Brid Nation)

Seriously, it’s bad enough that people are speculating that the most popular music magazine chose depict you as a desert animal, but who wants your long-lost twin brother showing up unannounced to your party?…Unless he gets invited by Solange as a gag. (Sorry, Jay, blame Cam’ron for the comparison, not us.)

5. MC Hammer

MC Hammer (Happy Birthday Jay-Z)

“At the end of the day he’s just another rapper,” Hammer said in an interview about Jay. “Let me frame it for you, he’s just another man. I think that phrase is better. At the end of the day he’s just another man. Men still gotta be men. He’s not above being addressed…I feel victorious because my point was awareness of the issues. In anything that you are doing, the messaging is important, at least if that’s what your goal is. [I had] two main issues. One – in the last five/six years, however many it has been, you have taken the position that my faith is joke. That my faith is something that you can use in my videos and something that you just wanna dress the walls up with. Run a quick photo by it of Jesus with bullet holes on the side of it.” (All Hip-Hop)

Hammer, you can’t touch this birthday party. Literally.

6. DMX

DMX (Happy Birthday Jay-Z)

“Y-O, Y-O in this b*tch, n*gga,” X told a crowd of Arizona fans. “New York to AZ, New York to AZ, n*ggas must be crazy, f*ck Jay-Z! Ya heard? Ya heard?”

We hear you, X. Problem is, Jay-Z heard you too and no matter how many times you say this was a freestyle, we don’t believe you, you need more people. (Goon Boss TV)

7. Cristal Owners

Cristal (Happy Birthday Jay-Z)

The champagne that was once the libation of choice for wealthy hip-hop stars will no longer be served at Jay-Z’s 40/40 Club. The hip-hop mogul/club owner says he was highly offended by Cristal Champagne owner Frederic Rouzaud‘s comments to The Economist in which Rouzaud called the shout-outs rappers give to his company’s beverage in their music “unwelcome.” “It has come to my attention that the managing director of Cristal, Frederic Rouzaud, views the ‘hip-hop’ culture as ‘unwelcome attention,'” Jay said in a statement. “I view his comments as racist and will no longer support any of his products through any of my various brands, including the 40/40 Club, nor in my personal life.” Jay has also asked the hip hop community to support him in boycotting the pricey beverage (SPIN)

Not only did Jay-Z start a movement by influencing his peers to refrain from enjoying the French beverage, but he officially killed the company’s hip-hop credibility with his 2010 “On To The Next One” lyric, I used to drink Cristal, them m*thafuckas racist/so I switched gold bottles, on to that Spade sh*t. It’s official- Freddy’s dead.

8. LeBron James

Lebron James (Happy Birthday Jay-Z)

With more exclamation points than you can handle, Media Take Out is reporting that an “EXTREMELY CREDIBLE insider” has told them that the once powerful friendship between LeBron James and Jay Z has taken a huge hit because of LeBron’s announcement to play for the Heat. (Uproxx)

Just because LeBron James throws up the dynasty sign doesn’t mean he is automatically on the birthday guest list. What once was a chance to bring his friend to his New Jersey Nets basketball team has now turned into the pain of seeing King James during Eastern Conference potential play-off games. James might be better off hanging in South Beach this weekend.

9. Keith Richards

Keith Richards (Happy Birthday Jay-Z)

Jay’s “Decoded,” which hit stores on November 16, has reportedly reached no. 3 in the Hardcover Nonfiction category on the highly coveted New York Times Best-Sellers List. Hov was bested by former President George W. Bush, whose “Decision Points” book, reached the top spot. Other notable charters include Rolling Stones member Keith Richards, whose “Life” follows Jay closely at no. 4. (BET)

Don’t let all the urban names fool you. After Decoded gave Rolling Stones‘ guitarist Keith Richards’ Life memoirs a hard knock to the No. 3 spot on the NY Times Best Sellers List, we bet the house that Richards won’t be rolling to Jay-Z’s celebration. Maybe Keith will regain satisfaction next week.

10. T-Pain

T-Pain (Happy Birthday Jay-Z)

“But Jay-Z is 59 years old, I don’t think he has the right to say if [auto-tune’s] dead,” Pain said to a crowd. “That’s just me, that’s just me. Because I didn’t come here to preach, I didn’t come here to have a sermon. I came here to have fun, now ladies and gentlemen, I will give you the full right and the ability to kick my a** if you see Jay-Z do this — Now I just want to clarify, [if] there any Jay-Z fans in the crowd — but you don’t see me saying rap is dead. Even though it is because all the rappers are trying to do T-Pain.” (YouTube)

Hov sure didn’t need auto-tune in his life, which was evident when “D.O.A.” dropped last year, but to have to deal with T-Pain’s public taunts? Ouch. We’re pretty sure we know who won this battle…the same guy not getting any cake.

Who’s Invites Got Lost In The Mail?

Memphis Bleek

Memphis Bleek (Happy Birthday Jay-Z)

Hey, not all hype men have gotten the same amount of respect and admiration as Memphis Bleek. And according to Jay-Z, he’s in his will… somewhere. Hopefully Memph’s invite has the correct party address on it.

J. Cole

J. Cole (Happy Birthday Jay-Z)

Yep, believe it or not, J. Cole is signed to Roc Nation. However, who would have remembered since we’re just a few weeks away from 2011 and have no idea when his debut will finally drop? In addition to that, Jay-Z announced Jay Electronica’s signing to Roc Nation on the same day as Cole released his latest mixtape (but we’re sure you knew that…didn’t you?). Scoot over rookie, on to the next one.

Happy Birthday, Hov! L’Chaim!

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