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Cash Money Gamble W/ Paris, French Montana Flop Warning, Chief Keef Goes Too Hard...

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In this week’s Pulse Report, we peep how Cash Money is putting its chips in Paris Hilton, watch out for flop alerts thanks to French Montana, shake our heads at Chief Keef and oh SOHH much more!

[Editor’s Note: The views expressed in this column do not necessarily reflect those of SOHH]

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1. A Shot W/ Paris

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Is there any chance Paris Hilton can survive on Cash Money? I don’t mean to sound like a hater, but in 2013, who is really looking for Paris? She’s turned into the arch nemesis for Kim Kardashian, who everyone appears to love these days. Nonetheless, Birdman decided to invest his time and effort (no idea if there’s money involved, just ask Tyga) into bringing Paris over to the Cash Money team. To even start to draw up that list would take a full day, so we’ll just jump right to the juicy info:

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But the big news: this nightfly who is really a successful businesswoman is recording her second album of music right now. It will be issued by CashMoney Records and will feature many hip hop acts such as Lil Wayne. Paris told me Afrojack is producing it, and she hopes to have it out this summer. The album release will be preceded by Paris doing a residency playing records (digital tracks) this summer in Ibiza, Spain-which also happens to be the hometown of her eleven years younger male model boyfriend named River. “This is a lot different than my first album,” Paris told me. “It’s really going to be house music.” (Showbiz 411)

[email protected] to tha Family.RichgangRichgirl.YMCMB,” Birdman tweeted May 22nd. (Birdman’s Twitter)

“Love this song I recorded with @LilTunechi. Love Lil Wayne, he is so amazing! Can’t wait for our new song! #I?YMCMB http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_p2hDmdff0 … ” (Paris Hilton’s Twitter)

So there you have it. Paris is now down with the whole Cash Money Records imprint but there’s a few things we all have to remember. The Cash Money roster is HUGE to this point, so big that we know Busta Rhymes has yet to do a record with Drake or Nicki Minaj and yet he’s like one of the biggest artists on the roster.

Y’all are going to think I’m back to hating on 5-0 Cent, but hear me out for a quick second. Remember back in 2005 when everyone in the crew was popping and then once Game left/got kicked out, 5-0 started trying to do things to spark attention. You had groups like Mobb Deep and M.O.P. signing to the label, which is today’s equivalent of Busta Rhymes and Limp Bizkit. Then you had those extra members like Olivia, Ma$e and Spyder Loc/40 Glocc, which we all know would be Jay Sean, Tyga and some of those other doggies on the label. My point is simply that Birdman seems to be following a format that hasn’t worked, taking artists we used to all cherish and then trying to relaunch their careers at his label. We’ve seen that move done before. LOL. Paris Hilton was hot five-eight years ago, this idea that she is dedicated to music and has some serious content to her name is a joke that’s even making me have to move on. LOL.

NEXT: Album Floppin’

2. Better Be Worried About Something

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May I quote him now, pleeeeease? Over 200,000 sold copies is what French Montana said he wanted to sell, at least, when Excuse My French came out. Granted, this was back over the winter and he has changed up things, saying that the music industry is changing and yada yada yada. Bottom line is it’s not looking very good for your doggy French right about now. Sitting on 50,000….TOPS!? That’s not hard at all, considering how much promo French has received and dropping on the greatest rapper of all time’s birthday (no, not Max B). These numbers just aren’t adding up right:

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YOUR ONE-DAYS: Put on your helmets, people; it’s time to check out this week’s key debuts: Daft Punk (Columbia) 300-325k The National (4AD) 70-75k Thirty Seconds To Mars (Virgin) 60-65k Darius Rucker (Capitol Nashville) 60-65k French Montana (Bad Boy/Interscope) 45-50k Oh, and the UMPG staff would like to remind you not to light your fatty with your helmet on, unless you want to get, like, wicked baked. (5/22p) (HITS Daily Double)

I’m not going to lie, I had to wipe my eyes when I saw that number. 45,000 to 50,000? Of course French is going to play that number off and it’s always possible it increases drastically over the weekend but not to the point that it’ll make an additional 150,000 by next week. That’s not happening and it goes to show you that just b/c you’re the hottest artist at Def Jam/Summer Jam, your record sales don’t always equal how many fans you’ve got. Let’s be honest though, all of the promotion French has received and radio records, how could these projections be so low? I don’t know about y’all, but I’ll go out and buy a copy. Not a good look for hip-hop, especially when you wonder how much more could French had done?

NEXT: Go After Katy Perry

3. Moment of the Week: Chief Keef Going After Katy Perry

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Are you serious, doggies? I’ve seen a lot of things in my life but the fact that Chief Keef has gone so low that he’s now going after pretty pop singers? SMH. What is this, Eminem circa 2000 when he was going at N’Sync and Christina Aguilera? SMH. I can’t co-sign that. Personally, Chief Keef keeps doing things to only strengthen my disinterest in everything he does. The arrests, baby mama drama, drug possession and now going at Katy Perry? Really? Has it become that real, Chief? SMH… Clearly y’all can see this was a no-brainer “Moment of the Week”:

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“Dat b*tch Katy Perry Can Suck Skin Off Of my D*ck,” Keef tweeted May 23rd.

“Ill Smack The Sh*t out her ?”

“New Song Katy Perry Coming Soon” (Chief Keef’s Twitter)

I’m not even going to focus on the fact that Katy Perry actually apologized over this dumbness. Really Katy? To even acknowledge this is one thing but then to apologize for making an honest statement about that “I Hate Being Sober” track? SMH. But even worse is how hard Keef went in on Perry. Suck skin off your WHAT!? You’re going to smack her up? SMH. Let’s just pray this isn’t today’s youth. Is anyone else getting sick of this ranDUMBness? SMH.

NEXT: Mrs. Butterworth

4. Mrs. Butterworth: Miley Cyrus

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Listen, before y’all think I’ve lost my mind, hear me out. For starters, I don’t find Miley Cyrus on any type of level to be considered a personal Mrs. Butterworth pick. However, there’s been too many co-signs for her that I’ve got to attempt to understand what it is. She’s got Mack Maine wanting to marry her, Waka Flocka Flame getting all shook when she’s around and now has Rihanna basically suck the taste buds off of her tongue. LOL. What is it about her? It’s gotta be more than she’s just a cute white girl, right? Is it because she’s got a thing for rappers? I can’t call it, so vibe with me as I try to understand her sexiness.

^ I’m still not fully sold, but I can kinda, sorta, ehhhh see why all of y’all get all hot and bothered when MC pops up on your sister’s iPad. LOL.

NEXT: Rappers Say The Darndest Things

5. Rappers Say The Darndest Things

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Some of my favorite rappers had to get put on blast this week and it really hurts me to have to check them. It’s kind of like when you see your role model in your pops or even uncle and then as you get older you start to realize those super hero traits really weren’t too impressive. LOL. Let’s start it off with Juicy J. Juicy, $15 million, are YOU sipping on some sizzurp? LOL! And N.O.R.E., you know we got love for you out in the BX but all of this overly bromancing you’re doing with Ja Rule? LOL! Stop it. One of my favorite underdogs J. Cole had a moment too when he tried to make his reason for moving up his album release to make Kanye West’s about competition instead of admitting it would help his own sales. C’mon, y’all know he’s trying to sell units, y’all, forget Billboard placement. Then it’s Busta Rhymes. Busta, we all know how easy it is for you to punch out a record, so this “too busy” and need for creativity delaying you and Nicki Minaj/Drake hooking up is bogus, doggy! Lastly, we gotta end it with Britney Griiner. C’mon boo, this “coming out” is a joke. That’s like just now announcing the sky is blue.

1. Juicy J

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“If they cut a check for $15-$16 mil,” Juicy told “RapFix Live” of Columbia Records, where Three 6 are currently signed. “It’s really up to Columbia Records, man. I feel like Columbia Records put that group on the shelf so it’s their call when they wanna bring back the Three 6 Mafia. … The contracts are still signed; the group is still signed with Columbia so it’s really up to the label.”

2. J. Cole

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“Instantly the lightbulb [turned on]… it got real. I made one phone call to somebody that would know, just to make sure first. As soon as I got it confirmed, I was like, ‘Yo…’ The idea hit me instantly: ‘You got to go to that date,'” he said. “I’m not going to sit [here]… I worked too hard to come a week later after Kanye West drops an amazing album. It’d be like, ‘Oh and J.Cole dropped too, a week later.’ Nah. I’m going to go see him on that date. He’s the greatest. So it’s like, I’m a competitor by nature so it was instant, it wasn’t even a thought,” the Roc Nation artist continued.

3. N.O.R.E

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“We all just took a flick and I didn’t realize how many people would actually post it on their website and report as news, because to me it’s not really news it’s just me going to see a friend and showing support,” N.O.R.E. said in an interview. “I actually didn’t get a chance to visit him [while he was in prison], but I made it my business that when he got home I was gonna get on the first flight and go check him out.”

4. Busta Rhymes

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“Um . . . and you haven’t heard anything with me and Nicki. “Roman’s Revenge (Remix),” that was something I did on my own. It wasn’t like an official remix, so technically, we haven’t gone in to do a record neither. So, Drake and Nicki, we haven’t gone in, no. … It usually happens when the times are right or when the idea is right. … We’ve talked before. I’ve had several conversations about doing records with Drake, we’ve actually been in the studio trying to fuck around. Same with Nicki. It just . . . when we start an idea, sometimes you get distracted. The stars just hasn’t aligned yet for that to actually happen. I think also, schedule. They’ve been shaking consistently for the last two, three years, putting out an album a year.”

5. Brittney Griner

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“It was more of a unwritten law [to not discuss your sexuality] … it was just kind of, like, one of those things, you know, just don’t do it,” Griner said Friday. “They kind of tried to make it, like, ‘Why put your business out on the street like that?'”

***That about wraps it up for today. Yes, yes, yes y’all, I saw my NY Knicks come to an end very quickly. Sigh. Wish they could have at least faced the Miami Heat in the Eastern Conference Finals. But live another day, right? Looks like Hangover 3 is a must-see this weekend, no? Plenty of other flicks down the pipeline too. We’ll see what goes down on the last of a trilogy. Anyway, back to business and let’s go YAN-KEES! LOL. –BB***

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