In this week's Pulse Report, the streets are buzzing about 50 Cent burying Fat Joe, Lil' Wayne talking greasy about Jay-Z and Eminem, Lil' Jon helping out Eliot Spitzer and Soulja Boy getting a facelift.

[Editor Note: the views of this column do not necessarily reflect those of SOHH.com]

1. Dead Man Walking. The ongoing feud between 50 Cent and Fat Joe just got hit with a "deadly" dose of comedy, courtesy of Curtis. After Fat Joe's much-hyped album Elephant In The Room sold a disappointing 46,000 copies in its first week, 50 held a mock funeral for the Bronx rapper's career. [Watch here]

LOL! Any chance of the two arch rivals burying the hatchet was just laid to rest. More importantly, I'm trying to figure out where to send a reef. The Bronx or Miami Beach? I'm not sure where Joey is going to be hiding out licking his wounds.

Sidebar: Did you notice how 50 kind of tap danced around saying anything bad about Fat Joe associate, Rick Ross. Is Curtis scared of Ross or something?

Back to Joe. Not only is his music irrelevant to a majority of the music-buying public it is littered with untruths. In a recent interview the Village Voice, Joe admitted he makes most of it up.

"Most of my music is entertainment, stuff I've never done in my life," he says. "I put it on records, and it just sounds crazy. I love making provocative, disrespectful music. And that's what the people want to hear."

Au contraire mon frere! Clearly the people don't want to hear that garbage. But wait there's more.

Joe barely drinks booze and says he's only smoked pot once in his life.

"I ran out the house butt-naked," he said, after toking up for the first time. "It was crazy, and I never wanted to do it again."

But that doesn't mean he doesn't party in his own way-say, at Diddy's Miami pad on New Year's Eve. "He was in the middle of the whole sh*t, throwing sh*t at me-like fruit-and chasing me with champagne," Joe remembers. "He had ambassadors in his house, dignitaries. The prime minister of Turks and Caicos was looking at me like, 'Who let these ghetto motherf*ckers in here?' "

Ha! Damn Joe, you making this way too easy for 50. Diddy was chasing you around the crib throwing fruits at you? What kind of homo-erotic bash was this? Fruit fights? Where's the gangster in that?

2. Ego Trippin'. Apparently the drama Lil' Wayne is facing here in America hasn't made him humble; the self-professed "best rapper alive" stirred things up overseas in the UK. In a recent interview with well-known deejay Tim Westwood, Weezy took a swipe at Jay-Z (again), talked about his friendship with Lauren London, and proved that he is not homophobic. [Watch Here]

Seriously, I think dude though he could get away with talking reckless overseas and the chickens wouldn't come home to roost. You know your boy Archie don't miss anything. Yeah Weezy, I see you over there trying not to claim Lauren London and taking subtle shots at Jay-Z. Yeah n*gga you ain't slick. All that killer talk coming from a guy who did you know what, with you know who, just sounds ludicrous to me. How many times is Hov going to have to warn this cat to "watch what you say to me"?

Plus, why you trying to act like that Strapped Ad doesn't look like you getting broken off jail house-style on a cop car. Come on man, if you truly looked at that picture and your gaydar didn't go off, I suggest you call Diddy and Fat Joe. I hear they throw a mean fruit fight party.

Jigga wasn't the only legend Weezy went at. In a sit-down with DJ Semtex, Wayne said that Eminen might be afraid to get on a track with him. [Watch Here]

That sounded like a challenge to me. Em where you at?

3. The Fix. So, while Lil' Wayne is practicing safe sex, Lil' Jon is preaching no sex. Too bad he's a week late, but the King of Crunk has invented a device that could have saved Eliot Spitzer's gig. Jon created a "p*ssy patch" that would have prevented the former New York Governor a.k.a Client No. 9 from spending $80,000 in an upscale prostitution ring. [Watch Here]

The "patch" comes in many different styles like the "Bill Clinton" set which improves your judgment. Also, be on the lookout for the "R. Kelly" pre-teen edition.

4. Buss It Baby. Speaking of the youngin's, Soulja Boy recently experienced an acne outbreak that made for some funny video. With a pimple the size of a "nipple" on his face, Soulja had to have a member of his entourage superman that h*e on his mug. [Watch here]

Eww! That looked like it hurt. Soulja might just have gotten himself a Pro Activ endorsement right there.

Aurevoir sal cons! Fucque forever!