5 Rap Battles We Think Justin Bieber Could Win

5 Rap Battles We Think Justin Bieber Could Win

[To celebrate pop phenom Justin Bieber’s 17th birthday today, SOHH has conjured a list of five rap battles we’d place our bets that “Shawty Mane” could win, hands down. Wanna ante up?]

1. Yung Berg

Justin Bieber & Yung Berg

“Nothing has been taken from me that has any real value to me. Unless they take my vocal chords, my ability to make a beat, or hum a melody than I feel like I haven’t lost anything. Anything that’s materialistic I can get back…I don’t even want to talk about that because this shall pass, too. My music is what is going to stick around, and I don’t want anything to take the focus off that. As far as anything else, I’m just not going to talk about it because people are going to believe whatever they want. I don’t get into the WWF side of things. I’m trying to be like Smokey Robinson with a catalog of hit records. I can’t be worried about what goes on Internet sites. That doesn’t generate any money for me.” (VIBE)

Think about it. Now that Justin Bieber is 17, not only can he get into R-rated movies without a legal guardian but he can likely get away with cursing on records. Now what exactly would Bieb say to Berg? Hmmmm. We can think of a few words that rhyme with “Robbed,” “Jacked,” “Beat Up,” “Snatch!”, “Loser” and “Fell-Off.” Right?

2. Soulja Boy

Justin Bieber & Soulja Boy

“What up y’all, this Kat Stacks b*tch,” Stacks said in a bathrobe recording herself. “Can’t really speak loud right now because Soulja Boy’s in the shower. Anyway though, I’m here at the motherf*cking hotel, at the Intercontinental Buckhead in Atlantaright across the street from Soulja Boy’s condo. Anyway, I been here kicking it with this motherf*cker. Yo, this motherf*cker is a motherf*cking coke head. This motherf*cker’s been doing dope all motherf*cking day. That’s why n*gga can’t f*ck me right. I f*cked this n*gga three times. The first two times he came in five seconds, the third time he couldn’t get hard and the n*gga still came. This n*gga’s a motherf*cking coke head yo. Yo, check this out yo. Look at this sh*t man, this n*gga’s a motherf*cking coke head yo. It’s funny as h*ll.” (World Star Hip Hop)

We’re sure that if Twitter followers had to judge this battle, they might abandon The DeAndre Way, just like they did last November.

3. Kid Cudi

Justin Bieber & Kid Cudi

“I started doing cocaine to get through interviews, ’cause people wanted to know a lot about my personal life and I wasn’t prepared for a 60 Minutes interview every time. Doing bumps I was able to get through the day, but then I would smoke weed to calm me down–it was the only way I could get through the day without people noticing I was doing it… never thought it was a problem, but I was definitely high-fiving death a couple of times. It took a lot for me to talk about sh*t like this on the album. I don’t feel like I need to explain myself to anyone besides the fans. My fans don’t believe sh*t until they hear me say it. And those are true Kid Cudi fans. I want them to know the story.” (Complex)

The “Man on the Moon” can’t see the hottest star on Earth. Next!

4. Rick Ross

Justin Bieber & Rick Ross

It’s been confirmed that Ross worked as a prison guard from December 1995 until June 1997 at the South Florida Reception Center in Dade County, despite denials by the rapper. He was reportedly earning a salary of $25,794.34 upon his departure. (The Smoking Gun)

Sorry Rick Ross, but Bieb’s a little too old to believe your rap fairy tales. We can just hear his rhyme now: “I got a beef with a C-E-O, guess if Maybach Music fails, he’ll go back to eating donuts as the Top C-O.” Might have to take the loss, Boss.

5. Drake

Justin Bieber & Drake

“I’ll never forget how nervous I was,” Drake explained in an interview. “It was such a rookie hip-hop moment — and, obviously, the controversy of me pulling out my phone and rapping off my phone because I just wasn’t prepared. A lot of people don’t know the difference between freestyle or off the top and coming to a radio show knowing you got to go there, so you got verses cued up in your head, whether they be off your upcoming album or verses just that you have laying around. A lot of artists get that preparation time…I’m a writer, man. I appreciate the elements of hip-hop. I appreciate a guy like Common who goes city to city and just spits at the crowd for 10 minutes about everything he sees. I admire talent like that, because that’s just not my creative process.” (MTV)

Unless Drake learns how to freestyle without the assistance of a Blackberry….

Hmm…But Who’d Win This One?


Justin Bieber & Vado

“I was shocked! He killed [‘Tungs’ freestyle]! He sounded like [Notorious] B.I.G.,” Vado said in an interview. “When I seen it on Twitter, I didn’t believe it. We need to keep his verse for the remix! We might finish the remix this weekend, and let Justin go first. I’m definitely going to contact him.” (New York Daily News)

We’re still confused at this one. Vado compared Bieb to B.I.G., and although he might not have gotten a chance to collaborate with Notorious, who knows, he might kill the strain of “Bieber Fever” with “Slime Flu”. Maybe.

Beefs settled. Now time for the party! Happy 17th B-Day Justin Bieber!

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