Pulse Report: Lil B & JoJo Battle For Worst Diss Record, San Francisco 49ers QB's Wifey Revealed, Vado Gets A Job

Friday, Feb 1, 2013 2:15PM

Written by Bulldog Butters

In this week's Pulse Report, we try to figure out whether Lil B or JoJo had the worst diss records, forget Super Bowl XLVII predictions and gawk at Colin Kaepernick's wifey, applaud Vado for getting a j-o-b and oh SOHH much more.

[Editor's Note: The views expressed in this column do not necessarily reflect those of SOHH]

1. Worst Of Both Worlds

I'm all about diss records. Truth of the matter is, diss records are probably what the rap game needs to stay relevant. Just like we don't like to admit how much violence turns us on as consumers, it's no secret that Grand Theft Auto, Django Unchained and toy weapons are all big sellers in the United States, if not around the world. But in this particular instance, diss records by Lil B and JoJo are just not popping. I'm sorry, but just like you can make a bad action flick, you can have horrible diss records. It's been a while since we've heard stuff this bad. Only question is which one's worse?

A) Lil B Disses Joey Bada$$

"These n*ggas think they're bad a**es now, huh? [laughs] ... Can't f*ck with me, these n*ggas know my history / I can make your life into a motherf*ckin' mystery / N*ggas wonder why they don't make it when they against me / 40 gonna come like my son walking 6th Street / Shouts out to them b*tch n*ggas, saying that they miss me / I'm trying to see checks like a test in history / But I'm not a h*e (Never) / Know the code (Feel me?) / I'ma take control, I will never fold/ Put me in the jungle with those lions and those wolves/ I'ma get by and survive like I should..." ("I'm The Bada$$")

Do you even give him points for effort? The fact he only used a quick 1:45 minutes to go at JB proves that Based God isn't about that beef life. LOL. It's funny because he reminds me of the way Prodigy used to rap back in the day where nothing's even rhyming but it still sounds gritty. Just take the "gr" out and replace it with "sh" for Lil B. SMH.

B) JoJo Disses Juelz Santana

"Now how you gonna mention my uncle Russell, then disrespect his nephew," JoJo raps. "The industry forgot you, f*cker, you nothing special/Piss in a test tube, like Jigga, they can't knock the hustle/These n*ggas hate to love you/Simmons will not let you/Compare your money to my uncle, that's just disrespectful/You're not eligible..." ("Holy Water")

The only reason why I'm going to give JoJo the edge on this one is because you could actually hear what he was rapping about and the lines kind of made sense. Even though he's got a rap sheet that should have ended his music career a long time ago (it's bad when your little brother Diggy is hotter than you), I like the fact that he's got a respected family. But also notice, JoJo only spit for about 10 more second longer than Lil B. Hence, these aren't real rap beefs.

2. MILF (Model I'd Like To...)

Every doggy in the world is thinking about Super Bowl Sunday. Even though I'm tight about my New York Jets going back-to-back years without even making a play-offs appearance, y'all know I'm going to be kicked back with the family and friends watching HarBowl go down. But instead of wasting time with useless predictions that no matter how many facts and logic you bring to the table, will only get you a 50/50 shot of being right, I'd rather keep on the topic of Super Bowl but in a different angle. That angle? San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick's wifey. I don't like to go to Media Take Out, really for any reason, but I'm going to have to applaud their efforts with this:

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January 31, 2013: Colin Kapernick's new chick, a popular model named J Marie, has been on Twitter bragging about her new man who is "humble" and doesn't "brag about going to the Superbowl". (Media Take Out)

^ WHOA!!! *Goes to bathroom*

3. Moment of the Week: Vado Announcing DJ Khaled Deal

As most of you have come to realize by now, I have very little patience for ignornance, redundancy and well, DUMB RAPPERS and while I won't put Vado in any specific category, let me just say that he gets some shine for a "WTF?" moment this week. For starters, this doggy ANNOUNCED he was joining DJ Khaled's We The Best label a few weeks ago, right? Yippee! Hoooray! Coolio. But NO. Doggy has to delete his tweet and act like it never went down. Umm...OKAAAAAY. Then he gets hit with press left and right about what's goody with him and Khaled, to which he says they're all good but other offers are on the table. Not even a full week or so goes by and he decides to kinda, sorta, ummm, OKAY, announce that he's signed to Khaled's We The Best. Anyone else feel a bit of anger, frustration or "Why am I wasting my time following his career" syndrome? While we can't even get Juelz Santana, Jim Jones and Cam'ron to drop a Dipset reunion album, Vado's got random people running in circles trying to find out where he's going. SMH...

It's going down, man, it's about to be on and crazy," Vado confirmed in an interview. "Everybody got the word in, Khaled just, reached [out] ASAP. He's family. You know what I'm saying? Of course, you know what I'm saying, we got the same vision and that's to take over and go straight to the top and stay there and he wants to get me there and I'ma let him." (This Is 5-0)

Seriously though. Really? Don't worry, Vado's going to make another appearance in Pulse Report, and I bet all of y'all can guess which section. Hint: It AIN'T MRS. BUTTERWORTH! LOL. I got nothing but respect for Vado, but this run around he did for nothing got me a bit tight. At least make some profilic announcement that you're down with Khaled now instead of some, "Oh hey, yeah, me and Khaled are good now." SMH. You're from Harlem, take a note from Ma$e and throw some pizzazz into anything you do, Slime.

4. Mrs. Butterworth: Jennifer Lopez

Did you know there was once a time when I would kill for Jennifer Lopez? Okay, so maybe I was about 13 years-old and had a crush on her b/c of my cousins' infatuation with her as a Fly Girl off "In Living Color." But the point is I knew that she was "my" kind of shorty, shorty. I was a scrappy, barely even a teenager who knew he wanted a chick with a fatty in his life. Before there was Amber Rose and Kim Kardashian and Angel Luv a.k.a. LoLa Monroe and Blac Chyna and Nicki Minaj, well, you get the point...there was Jennifer Lopez. I kept that crush for years, all the way up to recently. Something about her having kids, the sloppy relationships from Diddy (respected) to Cris Judd (joke) to hooking up with Ben Affleck (BOSTON SUCKS!) to landing with Marc Anthony (wtf?) and then just making "ehhhhh" movies at best? Yeah, that whole love thing got swallowed like what her thongs look like after a hard gym workout. But seeing that recent Parker trailer brought me back. I used to "really" love that chick. So here's paying homage to you, J-Lo. Jenny, you broke my heart so many times. Never trust a big butt and a smile like yours.

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And it seems like I'm not the only one that got caught gawking at her assets after all these years.

FYI, go to any one of those three videos and read the comments that doggies have left. LOL!!! Best stuff you'll ever read on a Friday, other than Pulse Report of course. LOL.

5. Rappers Say The Darndest Things

What is it with rappers and their traps? Nope, I'm not talking some T.I. or Yung Joc, "It's going dowwwnnnnnnn," but the way some of these doggies run their mouths? Let's start with Miley Cyrus. Sure, she's not a rapper but letting the world know she's not trying to be Nicki Minaj or Rihanna? SMH. Stop it. That's like some high school baller saying, "Well, I'm not trying to be LeBron James or Kobe Bryant." LOL, DUH!! Then it's Freeway Ricky Ross. Whenever he needs some attention, he just waits for an opportunity that involves Rick Ross. SMH. Ross isn't up on the code of the streets? LOL. C'mon. Really? Then we've gotta shine light on Common. Bigging up Movie 43 when we all know it fell hard at the box office, not even top five? I got love for my NY natives, but Vado trying to convince me that he is worthy of rapping in a group with Juelz Santana, Lloyd Banks and Fabolous? You haven't come close to earning the same stripes they have. Lastly, 5-0 Cent's explanation for including Rick Ross' Maybach Music Group chain in his "Major Distribution" music video? SMH.

1. Miley Cyrus

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"I wrote this song with Mary J. Blige, and Tyler the Creator heard it and said, "I am obsessed with this song, and I will guest on it if you promise me that you will keep it on the album." And he killed it! I really didn't want to make a hip-hop record, and I'm not trying at all to be a Rihanna or a Nicki [Minaj]....That's not my vibe. When I was growing up, my older brother would sneak me Nelly CDs, my dad had me listening to Dolly [Parton] andJohnny [Cash], and my mom is a complete metal head. So this record is a weird mixture of all that."

2. Freeway Ricky Ross

Rick Ross & Freeway Ricky RossPolice Tape

"I'm not surprised that it happened given recent ongoings, when someone doesn't understand the street rules they get confused and incidents like this can take place," he said. "I'm still dealing with ongoing litigation about something as basic as using my name and identity, that should have been dealt with properly a long time ago. We covered it in more depth in the Power of the Name Rick Ross piece." "Freeway" Ricky Ross plans to take the rapper and Warner Bros. Records to court this August in the continuing fight over his name. He previously explained that the Maybach Music Group leader has "exploited and misused [his name] since he went to prison" and "made millions off [of it]."

3. Common

If you like crazy, outrageous, truthful, fun and comedy in movies then you're gonna love Movie 43. My favorite thing was working with Peter Farley, who did Something About Mary and Dumb and Dumber, and one of the things I do is with Seth McFarlane--he created "Family Guy" and all that--it was crazy working with him. And it was fun, the spontaneity they allowed to happen, and just playing the character I played and not knowing what was going on with the other shorts as much and just knowing what's going on with your story was kinda crazy. There was some part [of the movie] where I'm talking about f*ckin' this guy's wife, and it was fffuunnnyyyy. I really had to focus on it [when filming] 'cause it was funny just to be telling this dude, 'you're a f*cking loser and I just f*cked your wife.' It was bold!

4. Vado

"To be honest, we spoke on it one time. Shout out to Banks. Shout out to Juelz. We was all on a conference call," Vado revealed. "We was reaching out to Fab. We was trying to get the commission, like a group. We was trying to form some superhero type [of situation]. But you know people got they albums. So we just fell back with it."

5. 50 Cent

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From his unforgettable G-Unit spinner to his current Street King pendant, 50 Cent has a thing for flashy jewelry. Usually the outspoken rap star uses his chains to help brand his own camp, but in his latest video for "Major Distribution," there is a brief cameo from a Rick Ross-styled Maybach Music Group chain. So how did a piece promoting Fif's biggest rival end up in the final cut? "It came from a jeweler. Jewelers, they made it. Yeah, we got it and ended up putting it in the video," the G-Unit juggernaut explained Thursday. "That's what rappers do: Rappers put jewelry in videos."

***Weekend time, y'all! Just a quick head's up, got word from the SOHH folks who told me the winner of SOHH Cap Diss is going to start getting announced a lot sooner than expected, so make sure to peep Tuesday to see the latest winner changes. Otherwise, if you're like me, you're going to be on the X-Box 360 playing endless hours of Madden 13 games up until the big game Sunday night. Should be a great one, and that's hard for me to say being a Jets fan. LOL. Catch y'all on Tuesday! --BB***

[Editor's Note: The views expressed in this column do not necessarily reflect those of SOHH]

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