Pulse Report: Canibus Loses His Mind & Rap Career, Porn Star Undresses Nude Kim Kardashian Hype, Kanye West's G.O.O.D. Week

Friday, Jun 15, 2012 12:15PM

Written by Bulldog Butters

In this week's Pulse Report, we see just how far Canibus has come and gone since getting demolished by LL Cool J in the late 1990's, give a porn star 15 minutes of fame as she gloats over the Kim Kardashian nude photo hype, applaud Kanye West's G.O.O.D. week and oh SOHH much more!

[Editor's Note: The views of this column do not necessarily reflect those of SOHH.com]

1. Can-I-FAIL!?

When it comes to originality, I love to take credit for where credit is due. Let's be honest, doggies, there's not list or history timeline that I could put together that hasn't already been done by a million other blogs and websites. That's just the cold hard facts. With that being said, it goes without saying we have to give Canibus top-billing. Pulling out a notepad in your rap battle? That's almost as bad as Iron Mike taking a bite out of Evander Holyfield's ear back in the day! LOL. Some things just scar you for life and fortunately for Canibus, he's done so many BAD things, well, I'm sure we'll just register this in our heads as, "Wonder what he'll do NEXT!" LOL. Big props to XXLMag, their Top 10 Most Epic Canibus Fails hits the right spot. LOL! But in the essence of time and space, we're just going with the Top 5. Good looks @XXLMag!

1. Canibus Vs. LL Cool J

Though it's disputed, Canibus' line "L, is that a mic on your arm? Let me borrow that" doesn't come off as disrespectful...at all. So L's partially at fault for overreacting with jabs against the young up-and-comer. Even though Canibus claims that LL Cool J promised to change his lines if he rewrote the verse, it's LL's album in the end of the day. What's Canibus going to do, but wrongfully get punk'd? This on-going bout with LL Cool J unfortunately molded Canibus' mainstream career. While it could've been a great marketing ploy, the Cool J diss/first single by Canibus, "2nd Round K.O.," was a weak commercial record. It remains, however, as a sensationalized battle tape that's still regarded as the biggest highlight of Canibus' career.

The Outcome: Canibus comes out looking like a little pup with a quick bite, but too much of a nerd to get any real credibility. To his credit, he did start off that '98 debut with him logging onto the world-wide-web. Fast-forward a year later, Ruff Ryders had their movement. Computers didn't become COOL until Soulja Boy Tell Em! LOL.

2. Canibus Vs. Eminem

The on-and-off verbal dispute between Eminem and Canibus allegedly sparked when Wyclef and Canibus invited Eminem to the video shoot of "I Honor U" to ask if Em was the ghost writer behind LL Cool J's diss rhymes on "The Ripper Strikes Back" against Canibus. Though Eminem denied such claims, he wasn't happy. Em, who was reportedly a fan of Canibus before his encounter at the vide shoot (and probably prior to the release of Bis' poorly received debut, Can-I-Bus) refused to collaborate with Canibus when asked to join Bis on 2000 B.C. for a track titled, "Phuk U," which Em apparently didn't like the production. When the final version of "Phuk U" was released, however, the third verse, initially meant as Em's slot, was filled with lines that appeared as subliminal shots against Em--"You're a rapper with a drug habit, hiding the truth, camouflaging your needle tracks with some colorful tattoos."

The Outcome: Doggy literally went at Eminem? No disrespect, but Eminem is the Great White Hype. No doggy's taking him down and that includes Jay-Z. LOL. If there's one rapper you just do't want to have diss you, it's Em. Canibus lost mad cred after this 2002 jump-off and then to turn back around and say he's one of your favorite rappers too? SMH. Canibus played himself out.

3. Canibus Vs. The Military

In 2002, after the release of his third effort C True Hollywood Stories, Canibus was dismissed by the rap community for the series of lukewarm releases. His fourth album Mic Club: The Curriculum was a career changer, however, as it garnered generally positive reviews--a first for Canibus. As a plight to take time off from the music industry, Canibus, at the age of 28, enlisted in the United States Army. A proud feat for the rapper, Canibus left his public career behind, with his fifth album Rip the Jacker (arranged by Stoupe the Enemy of Mankind) garnering critical acclaim. Things soon went downhill again, when the officials found Canibus smoking cannabis on duty. The rapper-turned-soldier was soon discharged, with the irony causing huge laughter among his rap opponents.

The Outcome: LOL! I am all about serving your country but when you use it as almost a last resort? SMH. I just don't get it. To make the matter worse, you get busted smoking weed while ON DUTY and get discharged? SMH. I can't even stomach those facts! LOL!

4. Canibus Vs. J. Cole

J. Cole has consistently mentioned Canibus as a major influence, but the Ripper felt disrespected because Cole only shows love to his older materials. He also felt that Cole spoke about him as if he's "dead" and the young MC's form of respect is "underhanded and disingenuous." So Canibus does what he knows best: creates a diss track called "J. Clone." But instead of barraging the young MC, he mentions, "It's more than that, we could've recorded the track/ You could give me a stack for a verse just like that." What is Cole, a Make a Wish Foundation for grumpy old rappers? To make matters even worse, Bis then releases one of the most disturbing Youtube clips by a rapper ever, in which he apologizes to J. Cole. He starts the fight, and ends the fight, without J. Cole ever actually getting involved. How sad.

The Outcome: I was heated over this. The fact Canibus couldn't go at the big dogs and took it to a young doggy like J. Cole? Did he even realize Cole bigged him up back in the day, saying he looked up to his raps? LOL! "J. Clone?" Really, Can? You lost respect from the old school and now the new school.

5. Canibus Vs. The Notebook

The Outcome: The end of a rap career.

Props again to XXLMag! To read their other five EPIC fails, just click here.

2. Sex, Lies & Twitter Leaks

Can we go ahead and get that Kim Kardashian/Kanye West sextape already? You would have thought we'd get non-stop leaks based off eveything that's gone down over the past few months. Remember Amber Rose claiming she had pretty big proof that Kim K and Kanye West were having sex behind her back? Or how about those photos Media Take Out put out with Ye giving backshots to Kim? SMH. The best we can get now is an alleged nude photo of Kim's back while she's eating? SMH. Doggies stay gassing a slow news day up on the Internet! LOL. Well, for the doggies still locking their doors at night and getting some intimate moments with the fake photo, here's Amia Miley setting the record straight.

And now -- undeniable proof Kim Kardashian is NOT the owner of the beautiful bare ass Kanye West allegedly tweeted early Wednesday morning ... proof that comes in the form of incredibly bizarre body piercings. Porn star Amia Miley has already taken ownership of the pic in question -- a perfectly tanned rear-end snapped inside some fancy hotel room -- but people have been clamoring for proof to back her claim ... so she's decided to deliver. (TMZ)

^ And in other news....

3. Doggy of the Week: Kanye West

You know you're doing something right when you get featured on a blog practically every 20 minutes, doggies, and that's exactly what Kanye West did. He's done some pretty big things, but over the span of seven days? SMH. I can't even include every little thing that popped off since last Friday involving Yeezy. Who would have thought that having Kim Kardashian as your side chick would get you $750,000 birthday presents? LOL. I mean, it's not like he needs the money considering there were groupies standing in line for DAYS to cop those Air Yeezy 2 kicks. It's probably all about the dollar bills when it comes to 'Ye b/c when he had a coin tossed at him during a concert? SMH. Y'all already know what went down! Driving the Internet nuts off fake rumors? Yeah, Kanye is cheesing off that Amia Miley photo. Last but not least, getting your crib burglarized in 2012? Yup, Kanye West saw the GOOD, the BAD and the UGLY all in seven days! Clap for him!

1. My Chick Bad

Kanye Westkim-kardashian-car-2012-05-08-300x300.jpg

What does the woman who has everything get the man who has everything for his birthday? If you're Kim Kardashian, you buy your boyfriend Kanye West a rare $750,000 Lamborghini. Ball so hard! Sources close to the couple tell TMZ ... Kim purchased the Lamborghini Aventador LP 700-4 in L.A. for her new BF, who's celebrating his 35th birthday today. But Kanye can't play with it yet because he's in Ireland on the Watch the Throne tour. So we're told Kim wanted to give him a taste of his gift -- so she took a video of the car to show him ... and we're told she's screening the video in person tonight on the Emerald Isle. So it's probably safe to say the car won't be Kanye's only present this year. (TMZ)

^ Kim Kardashian is bad, doggies. Point. Blank. To make things even hotter? She's buying Kanye West a $750,00 whip for his birthday? It wasn't enough that he probably got some birthday sex, but throw in a whip to top it off? SMH.

2. The Air Up There

Kanye Westair-yeezy-2-2012-06-07-300x300.jpg

How long would you wait in line to get your hands on the new $1,000 "Air Yeezy" sneakers designed by rapper Kanye West? Detroiter Nik White has his answer. He got in line at downtown Royal Oak's Burn Rubber Shoe Boutique Tuesday for the shoes that went on sale Saturday. He was among many metro Detroiters who waited in line for days to get their hands on the kicks. The popular sneakers sold out within an hour of going on sale. WWJ spoke with White just as he was about to get his three pairs of Air Yeezy's. "If you collect shoes, you want to have the style that are harder to find ... it's more the value, whether you keep it or trade it, sell it - whatever - it's the value of it," said White. (WTSP News)

^ Give it up to Kanye West. Air Yeezy's are now more in demand than Jordans! LOL. OK, that might be a bit of an exaggeration but to see the extent doggies went to get their hands on them? SMH. That's sick. SICK! The fact the shoes are kinda hot too? Yeah, Yeezy stays winning.

3. Change Is Gonna Come

Kanye WestDrake-Concert-Riot-2010-06-15-300x300.jpg

At a recent concert in Dublin Kanye lost his sh*t when someone threw a coin on stage and put him off the song. He started the track all over again but not without a stern lecture for the troublemakers: "I ain't trying to make excuses but y'all threw a f*cking coin up here and threw me all the way off" he said. "Don't throw that hard sh*t up here while I'm performing. Seriously. You f*cked it up for everybody, I was having a perfect show. Flawless victory. Don't throw no sh*t on the stage." Then Kanye dived back into his set. Perhaps he was having birthday blues as he turned 35 the day before, but admittedly, he has a point. What kind of 'fan' throws hard coins on stage like you're visiting the Trevi Fountain and have a dying wish? That could seriously hurt someone. (And Pop)

^ LOL! Has any doggy made a checklist of things thrown at Kanye West on tour yet? Business card? Check. Laser beam? Check. Coin? LOL!!!!! CHEECCCCK!!!!!

4. My Chick Bad, Your Chick Ehhhh

Kanye Westkim-kardashian-2-04-12-300x300.jpg

Still, RumorFix has learned that despite the uncanny resemblance, the girl in the picture is none other than porn star, Amia Miley. "Apparently a naked photo of me eating is going viral ... as Kim Kardashian ... I'm confused," she tweeted. "I'm not going to argue about whether that pic is me or not. Want proof? Look at the back dimple piercings. Kim doesn't have those," she then tweeted out the same image Kanye had earlier posted and deleted. "Oh, and my right wrist piercing shows in the pic too ... the end," she adds, pointing out a huge piece of evidence. Kim kardashian does not have a wrist piercing as the woman in the image does, so we're buying Amia's story. Now, as far as when she was in Kanye's hotel room, that's a different story. (RumorFix)

^ Do doggies realize how much traffic they're getting off Kanye West and Kim Kardashian. I mean, you've gotta be one of the biggest things out when you have fake stories being written about you and your wifey on the regular. And no disrespect to Amia Miley, but Kardashian's cakes don't even deserve the comparison!

5. Some Doggy Please Call 9-1-1

Kanye WestPolice Tape

The Los Angeles Police Department has confirmed that its Hollywood division responded to a burglary call at the home of rap sensation Kanye West in the 7800 block of Fareholm Drive. Officers responding believe the home was burglarized either early Wednesday morning or late Tuesday night. No other details have been released in regards to whether anything on the property was taken or who was present at the residence during the incident. (NBC Chicago)

^ SMH. All I can say about this is how much do you want to bet doggies were in there looking for a pair of Air Yeezy 2's? LOL!!!!

4. Mrs. Butterworth: Jazzi Belle

My mother brought up a good point the other day, doggies. She said, "[Bulldog], back when I was growing up, baseball players were really stocky and fat." Don't worry, there won't be any male sport athletes featured in Mrs. Butterworth, but these words really struck a chord with me. We're living in times when if women don't have a fatty, they're BUYING ONE. Don't have a full rack? Don't worry, THESE ARE ON CLEARANCE. What ever happened to the organic and natural approach. Maybe it's me, y'all, but I would much rather eat a natural apple rather than those overly glossy ones they sell at the local grocery store. LOL. With that said, make way for Jazzi Belle. I guarantee everything is all natural.




^ Still not convinced? Well, let's take a closer look at Ms. Belle.

5. Doggies Say The Darndest Things

In this week's "Doggies Say The Darndest Things," we've got a stellar line-up. For starters, DMX's attempt at trying to figure out what Watch the Throne is deserves to be featured on Entertainment Tonight! LOL! It's not bad enough that he doens't know it's an album, but he goes over-the-top trying to guess what it is. SMH. Then, you've got Nas talking outlandish about how he would defend Gwyneth Paltrow in light of the "N-Word" controversy. SMH. Doggy, you took it too far. You're gonna slap anyone who goes at her? O-KAY, Nasir. There's a thin line between jealousy and envy, and Machine Gun Kelly doesn't do a good job at hiding it. Hating on the hometown hero who decided to trade in country land for sandy beaches? SMH. Then it's Freeway. Philadelphia Freeway! LOL. You can say whatever you want, but bottom line is we saw Jay-Z brush you off the photo opp. Stop lying. LOL. Last but not least? Lauryn Hill. Your attempt of painting the world in some Judge Dredd-meets-Total Recall society all as an excuse for not paying your taxes? SMH.......doggies, buckle up, it's ON!

1. DMX

DMX & Jay-Zwatch-the-throne-2011-07-04-300x300.jpg

Jay-Z and Kanye West's Watch the Throne was arguably the best rap album of 2011. The LP spawned seven singles, including "Otis," "N*ggas in Paris," "Gotta Have It" and "No Church in the Wild." But as popular as it is with rap fans, ask DMX about The Throne's hit album and he's clueless. "DMX, did you listen to Watch the Throne, Jay-Z and Kanye West?" Q Deezy of Hot 107.9 in Philadelphia asked the Dog last week live on the air. "What is that a TV show or something?" DMX questioned. "What you call it? What's it called again? Watch the Throne... "You didn't check that out?" Q Deezy responded. "No, no, no," X said bluntly and disinterested.

2. Nas

"I would slap the s*** out of somebody for Gwyneth Paltrow," Nas told CBS Local exclusively. "She's the homie, she's cool. Gwyneth gets a pass. Real people get a pass. We know what this s*** is. We don't interrupt Italians when they say 'Wop' to each other. They gonna punch you in the mouth if you interrupt that. Don't interrupt us. We pick and choose." Nas acknowledged that other black people might feel differently, but still stood by his statement. "Some might not feel the same way," he said. "Some of us will get angrier about it than others; but some people get a pass. The people that I know who are cool and real n****s, Gwyneth Paltrow is a real n****, that's my homie. That's how I'm on it. Some people get a pass."

3. Machine Gun Kelly

Machine Gun Kelly (Concept)LeBron James & Mom

LeBron James and the Miami Heat will tip-off against the Oklahoma City Thunder to begin the NBA Finals Tuesday night (June 12). One rapper who definitely does not want to see King James and the Heat capture the NBA title is Machine Gun Kelly. After spitting the line, "Never mind that's just Kells with that Heat, no LeBron though," on his hit, "Wild Boy," the Cleveland MC echoed that sentiment on a recent radio station stop "Oh no, he's not taking it," MGK s said in reference to LeBron on Power 107.5. "If he doesn't do it this year, then he won't do it again."

4. Freeway

"People understand it, but nowadays with the internet, people wanna make jokes," Free explained in a backstage "106 & Park" interview. "The jokes and everything, when people was making a joke out of it towards me, it was like cool, it was funny to me too. But as far as people trying to put it on Jay -- it wasn't even like that. If you got two ounces of sense, you would know that you cannot be near Jay-Z if he don't want you to be. I was on stage with the Mayor of Philadelphia and Jay-Z. If they didn't want me there, there was no way I could've got up there. ... That's the big homie, man. I'm not going to come around somebody if they don't want me around, because I will feel uncomfortable."

5. Lauryn Hill

Lauryn HillLegal Gavel

"As my potential to work, and therefore earn freely, was being threatened, I did whatever needed to be done in order to insulate my family from the climate of hostility, false entitlement, manipulation, racial prejudice, sexism and ageism that I was surrounded by," she wrote in a statement. "This was absolutely critical while trying to find and establish a new and very necessary community of healthy people, and also heal and detoxify myself and my family while raising my young children. There were no exotic trips, no fleet of cars, just an all out war for safety, integrity, wholeness and health, without mistreatment denial, and/or exploitation. In order to liberate myself from those who found it ok to oppose my wholeness, free speech and integral growth by inflicting different forms of punitive action against it, I used my resources to sustain our safety and survival until I was able to restore my ability to earn outside of it! ... Learning from the past, insulating friends and family from the influence of external manipulation and corruption, is far more important to me than being misunderstood for a season! I did not deliberately abandon my fans, nor did I deliberately abandon any responsibilities, but I did however put my safety, health and freedom and the freedom, safety and health of my family first over all other material concerns! I also embraced my right to resist a system intentionally opposing my right to whole and integral survival. I conveyed all of this when questioned as to why I did not file taxes during this time period. Obviously, the danger I faced was not accepted as reasonable grounds for deferring my tax payments, as authorities, who despite being told all of this, still chose to pursue action against me, as opposed to finding an alternative solution. My intention has always been to get this situation rectified. When I was working consistently without being affected by the interferences mentioned above, I filed and paid my taxes. This only stopped when it was necessary to withdraw from society, in order to guarantee the safety and well-being of myself and my family. As this, and other areas of issue are resolved and set straight, I am able to get back to doing what I should be doing, the way it should be done. This is part of that process. To those supporters who were told that I abandoned them, that is untrue. I abandoned greed, corruption, and compromise, never you, and never the artistic gifts and abilities that sustained me."

***Weekend time doggies! The weather is nice, it's a pay day for most of y'all and we're just a few weeks from Spiderman and The Dark Knight Rises dropping at theaters. Could y'all ask for anything else? Well, maybe G.I. Joe 2 dropping in 2012 and not next year. There's some pretty official music out, Curren$y, Big K.R.I.T. and even Waka Flocka Flame's new LP is kinda hot. Don't know about y'all, but I'm busting out the flip-flops, Pina Colada mix and X-Box 360 this weekend. Have fun and I'll catch y'all on Tuesay! --BB***

[Editor's Note: The views expressed in this column do not necessarily reflect those of SOHH]

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