Pulse Report: Drake Bows Down To Kobe's Rich Ex, Super Bowl Mania Infects Hip-Hop, Amber Rose Crushes Every Doggy's Nuts

Friday, Feb 3, 2012 12:15PM

Written by Bulldog Butters

In this week's Pulse Report, we give Drake a few moments to apologize to Kobe Bryant's now-beyond-rich ex-wife Vanessa Bryant, see why your favorite rapper is checking in on Super Bowl XLVI, try to breathe as Amber Rose crushes every doggy's manhood and oh SOHH much more!

1. I'd Just Like To Say...

When did hip-hop get so sensitive? I'm starting to think that Common may have had a point with what he said in "Sweet." I mean, every time a doggy says something, before you know it, there's some type of "update" or "clarification" that takes place. HUH!? As much as I dissed them in the past, what happened to the Khia's, Jaz-O's and Benzino's of the game? Sure, they might get "STFU" Honors recognition, but at least they had the toughness to make a gully statement and stick to it. Right or wrong, and most times they were wrong. LOL. I mean, y'all tell me doggies, how bad did Drake body Vanessa Bryant right here:

"Kobe bout to lose 150 M's. Kobe my n*gga. I hate it had to be him. B*tch, you wasn't wit me shootin in the gym," he raps. ("Stay Schemin'")

THAT'S HARD!!! LOL!!!! Come on doggies, are y'all kidding me? I'll be honest, when I first heard the line, it flew a little bit over my head. But then when all these sensitive doggies and ladies got all tight and started talking about this, "Well Kobe wasn't there RAISING their kids!" SMH. Are y'al kidding me? Kobe could have bought 1,000 nanny ladies to take care of his kids and it wouldn't even factor into a quarter of what Vanessa is gettting. SMH. Back to the lyrics though, even Rap Genius hit the nail right on top of the head:

"Kobe 'bout to lose a hundred fifty M's."

Kobe's wife Vanessa filed for divorce and will make a LUCRATIVE killing off the split from the highest paid player in the NBA. Similar to Tiger and Elin' divorce, but Elin got 110 million! Bitch you wasn't wit' me swingin' at the range!

"Kobe my n*gga I hate it had to be him."

Drake was referring to Bryant as his man in the "thank yous" on his debut album Thank Me Later. Drake even went as far as to bring out Bryant in L.A. at Powerhouse

"B*tch you wasn't with me shooting in the gym."

It's true, Drizzy. Kobe's wife didn't actually play basketball for him. Good point

("B*tch you wasn't with me shooting in the gym.")

Bawse repeats the line for emphasis. Kobe's wife wasn't there when he was putting in the hard work to be famous, shooting thousands of jumpers in the gym. She just came onboard later after he was rich and famous. Now she doesn't deserve ½ of what she didn't work for. It's important to have a woman who's been loyal to you through thick and thin (Rap Genius)

^ Even after all these LEGITIMATE points, the survey says.........


"That line came from a conversation about being this young and making this much money and the fear of losing it all. I just used his potential situation to address my own life. I never intended to offend Vanessa or anyone else. That line had everything to do with me and what goes on in my head as a 25 year old man with this much income flowing in. Kobe is and always will be a friend and an icon to me." (Nah Right)


2. And Then There Was One

New England Patriots. New York Giants. Take your pick. This week though? Football mania. Nah, not even, Super Bow-mania. Granted, this is normal around this time of year but to the exten that rappers went? SMH. It kinda hurt my stomach knowing that I gotta suffer another full week of any New York Jets fans' worst enemies BOTH in the Super Bowl. We don't even know who to boo at come Super Bowl Sunday. LOL. But for all of the non-Jets fans out there, y'all were in full effect these past seven days. Continuing where we left off last week, Birdman, what's really goodie with that 5 million dollar bet? LOL.

baby-2011-06-01-300x300.jpgLil Wayne

"If Birdman is prepared to put his money where his mouth is, we are prepared to accept his $5 million wager on either the point spread or the money line of Super Bowl XLVI," said Dave Mason, BetOnline brand manager, in a statement. "Birdman simply needs to go to BetOnline and register online. Then, he can email me directly and I will provide him wire instructions in order to get his $5 million in post-up funds sent in a timely manner so we can proceed with the bet. Once Birdman's bet is in, we will release a snapshot of the bet in his BetOnline.com account, and Birdman will finally have proof that he is the sports bettor who he boasts of being." (Statement)

^ LOL!!!!!!!!!!! Now that's what I call a challenge. The funny thing is "if" the Patriots win, we're going to hear mad trash talk about how Birdman "WON" 5 million dollars but "if" the Giants win, he'll be quiet and act like this never took place. C'mon Birdie, where's all the big talk now? LOL. Stepping off the monetary tip, Timbaland showed that he's riding with those Pats as well. I mean, Rob Gronkowski anthem, Timbo? WTF?

The rapper Timbaland wrote the music for and was an executive producer of the song "Rob 'Gronk' Gronkowski." The video shows highlights from Gronkowski's 2011 season and already has more than 10,000 views. Wizz Dumb was also an executive producer of the song, which featured the rapper Brasco alongside Timbaland. It's a longshot, but maybe Bruins winger Brad Marchand will continue to show off his rapping skills and make another Gronkowski tribute song if the Pats win on Sunday. (NESN)

That had to be the most unexpected tribute I've ever heard. Well, I can't fake, this Ted Smooth joint is so corny it's good! LOL.

Aight, anthems out the door, it came down to some mean predictions and of course Joell Ortiz had to ride with them Big Blue doggies.

Joell Ortiz (Photo Of The Day)

"The Giants embody New York," Ortiz tells XXLMag.com. "They are the way New York runs. It's hard nose, it may not be pretty, but the job gets done. And Victor Cruz is the perfect example that you ain't gotta go to this big [college] to get noticed. You just have to work hard. He worked hard, he outworked people and he impressed people and he's one of, if not the best wide receiver on the Giants. Eli Manning, it doesn't look pretty. It's not finess, it's not like his brother [Peyton], the crispness [in the passes], but the job gets done. That's what New York dudes do: we get it done. Everybody knows when New York is in town. The Giants embody New York to me, man -- Honestly, as a fan of football, not just because I'm from New York, I honestly think they have a great shot of winning the Super Bowl because of that wining attitude." (XXL Mag)

^ LOL. (Just in case y'all thought Joell wasn't down with Gang Green). I like how Joell showed off his true Jets loyalty by making sure to say Eli will never be as nice as his brother. LOL. And in case y'all didn't know, hip-hop will be in the dome come Super Bowl Sunday, right M.I.A.?

M.I.A.Nicki Minaj

"Yes, I'm going to the Super Bowl. Actually I've never been to the Super Bowl, so it's my first time. I'm going to be performing with Madonna and Nicki Minaj. If you're gonna go to the Super Bowl, you might as well go there with America's biggest female icons." (BBC Radio)

^ It's 50/50 doggies, I can't even call it, g'luck to both squads.

3. Doggy of the Week: Amber Rose

She did it doggies. Amber Rose had the Internet on lock for the past seven days. There's no sugar-coating it. Rose did so much talking and attention-gathering that I had to even feature her in "SHUT THE F*CK UP" Honors! LOL. Now that's saying something (pun intended). LOL. Well, truth be told, I only featured three of her biggest moments because with these instances, she automatically crushed any doggy's nuts to get this honor. LOL. Rocking a fake facial tattoo? That's so bad it's hot. Coming up with a reason why she dropped her new record for free? That's so unbelievable that it's believable! And saying that only virgins can avoid the "sloppy seconds" label? SMH...doggies, clap your hands for the one and only Amber Rose.....LOL!

1. I Wanna Be Like Mike, Doggy

amber-rose-wiz-khalifa-2012-01-31-300x300.jpgGucci Mane (Concept)

On Saturday night, Amber Rose was spotted out outside a Miami nightclub with boyfriend Wiz Khalifa and a peculiar looking thing on her face: a lightning bolt tattoo. This morning, her rep denied the permanence of the her new ink, clarifying that the Harry Potter-meets-Mike Tyson art on her face was simply done with temporary makeup. (Complex)

^ LOL! I know, I know, wild, right? I don't know, there's something about how Amber Rose can pull off the wackest things possible. Well, let me clarify. She can make something that would look wack and beyond average to the regular chick appear priceless. Come on, fake ink on your face? Now THAT'S what I call a facial, Amber! CO-SIGN. Fake or not, I see you pushing the fashion boundary lines.

2. Doggies Enjoy Now, Pay Later

"It's so perfect and I didn't know that was actually gonna be my first single but I was just like I'll put "Fame" out for free. It's not gonna be on iTunes or anything like that," Rose explained in an interview. "It's just for the fans to understand a little bit more of my life and you know there's a lot of young kids or people in general that want to be famous but they don't really know what that entails. That's why I put out "Fame." ... I definitely rap and I sing and my music is fun. It's all dance music. I have an inspirational song that's really dope. I have some records that are just plain fun, like you just want to party, jump around and go crazy to." (VIBE)

^ Remember that show, "Bullsh*t!" with Penn & Teller? Yeah, me neither. LOL. Honestly, are we really supposed to believe Amber dropped her first single for free-99 just to make sure it reaches every fan without them having to pay for it? SMH. I mean, if that was the case then why not just let all of those graphic photos leak from your iPhoto archive? LOL. Just kidding. Say what y'all want, but my sister actually digs this record and if you can only influence one, well, then you still kinda suck. But I'm proud of her in a way. She said music would be her next move and she did it. Now if the second record is called "Fortune," we're gonna have beef. LOL.

3. Sloppy Joe, Sloppy Doggy

Amber Roseaurora-jolie-2012-02-02-300x300.jpg

"We both travel a lot, so when we do see each other, we lay up in the bed, get sticky with each other, and watch movies," said Amber. "If Wiz felt insecure about me dating Kanye, I wouldn't be with him today. Everyone is someone's sloppy seconds, unless you're a virgin." Amber admits that her jetset life can sometimes feel surreal. "Like every poor person, I used to dream about winning the lottery," said Amber, who estimated she's worth millions today. "I didn't just get money, though. I got fame. And I got fame before I got money, and it was scary. It f---ing sucks." (New York Post)

^ (For starters, if y'all don't get the joke behind the Aurora Jolie photo next to Amber, then y'all just don't get it. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Are you kidding, me, Amber? Let me be 100 percent honest with y'all doggies. The ONLY reason why this didn't make it into "STFU" Honors is b/c I had to give some commentary right here. For starters, what Amber said HAD to have been taken out of context. There's no way she could really have said unless you're a virgin, you're sloppy seconds. That's like saying when you kiss your boyfriend/girlfriend, you're tasting their ex's genitals or something. LOL. I mean, c'mon Amber, I can't co-sign you right there. There was so much more of an elegant way she could have addressed any type of "sloppy seconds" question. How about, "There's nothing sloppy about me" or "I'm the best any man's ever had," or just something other than the statement we're all seeing. LOL. Matter of fact, let's just jump right into Mrs. Butterworth! LOL.

4. Mrs. Butterworth: Stefany Romero

Doggies, I gotta apologize. Y'all know week in and week out there's always a delicious Mrs. Butterworth to look forward to and a few videos to accompany her with, right? Well, I had to make the ultimate sacrifice. Think of it as Archie having to choose between Veronica and Betty or Kanye West having to choose between Amber Rose and Kim Kardashian. LOL. I had to decide on whether to go with a decent looking chick with a grip of videos or an incredible beauty that has nada clips. Well, doggies, I thought for the sake of all male doggies out there and went with the latter. Be mad about the lack of videos today but enjoy copying/pasting these photos to your desktop. LOL! I present to y'all the one and only Stefany Romero.

Stephany RomeroStephany Romero

Stephany RomeroStephany Romero

Stephany RomeroStephany Romero

^ I don't know about y'all, but I'm headed down to the bakery ASAP. I have a sudden hunger for cakes. LOL!

5. "STFU" Honors

For any doggy that has been rocking with Bulldog Butters since 2009 (time flies by, huh, doggies?) knows there's one thing that I cannot stand. IGNORANCE. Quite honestly, one of the inspirations behind "SHUT THE F*CK UP" Honors is that we put doggies on blast who speak that silly-ness. It's kind of like those old cartoons when Bugs Bunny would turn into a jackass when he did something beyond dumb. LOL. But this week more than ever has illustrated the true meaning of ignorance. Well, minus say Maino who gets this love for just overreacting to thinking the Internet is bugging out over his Lil Kim tell-all rap. LOL. We're gonna start it off with 2 Chainz for choosing to continue a violent wave rather than uplifting wave with "Two Gun Gang." SMH. Then it's off to Machine Gun Kelly who has to get knocked for his mediocre reaction to getting arrested in Florida. And after Maino, it's a double scoop of Amber Rose who has to get put on blast for a) continuing her Kanye-West-Is-An-A**hole campaign and b) trying to make doggies think she can really drop some emcee bars. I mean, we gave her a pass with "Fame" but on the rap tip? LOL!!!!!!! Y'all already know what time it is.....

1. 2 Chainz

2 ChainzDC-GUNS-2011-12-20-300x300.jpg

"It's the Real University, Two Gun Gang, Street Executives. It's not DTP no more," he says. "I'm actually behind [Ludacris], he's still my homie. I just took another route as far as running my own company and bossing up. But on the other hand, I'm still working with him. He has an album coming out this year, as well."

2. Machine Gun Kelly


"You can tell he's, like, playful with it, but there's a serious tone behind [it]," Machine Gun Kelly told MTV News on Monday (January 30) about his boss' reaction to the incident in a Florida club that led to the arrest. "I talked to Puff today, and he's like, 'It's all good. Do what you do. You did what you had to do.' ..." On Friday night, one of MGK's friends was caught drunk driving and got into a car crash; Kells was not present, but try explaining that to Diddy. "He thought I was in the car too, so he thought I got arrested twice. It was like the first arrest was cool, like, all right, he'll let it slide. But when he [thought it was two arrests], he was like, 'What the f---? You got arrested two times? Something is wrong with you, man,' " MGK said, imitating one of Puff's patented tantrums. "He was, like, spazzing out. I think all the label is on edge about how we rock."

3. Maino

MainoMaino & Lil Kim

"I think people are taking it way out of context," Maino said in an interview. "You know when you have relationships with certain people, you may have real genuine love for them but you just can't f*ck with them. That's all I was saying. ... I still got love for you, we don't really f*ck with each other but I still got love for you. You know the thing is, I saw the comments, 'Oh Maino's in love with Lil Kim.' They forgot in the song that I said, 'I was your brother.' ... You know when you got love for somebody but you can love them from afar, you want them to do their thing but y'all aren't built for close proximity. That's all."

4. Amber Rose

Amber RoseKanye West

"He is your typical rapper in the industry," Amber told The Post over dinner at The Lion, a celebrity hot spot in the West Village. "He can't be faithful, and it's not just with one person. He's just unfaithful with a lot of different women. I got to the point where I thought, my heart can't take it anymore. I don't deserve this. I don't care when people say that I owe him my life because I'm famous now. I don't owe him nothing."

5. Amber Rose

Amber Rosecommon-nas-300x300-2011-11-29.jpg

"Yeah. I definitely rap and I sing and my music is fun," she explained in an interview. "It's all dance music. I have an inspirational song that's really dope. I have some records that are just plain fun, like you just want to party, jump around and go crazy to. ... I would really, really love to do a song with Pitbull and LMFAO. They're probably like my two favorites. I've always loved Timbaland as well."

***Doggies, it's Super Bowl weekend! I don't know about y'all, but I plan on camping out at the movie theater during the game watching Chronicle. LOL. Too hard to see those two teams playing for the Super Bowl championship trophy. Bad enough the Pats and Giants made it to the Super Bowl but the fact that ONE of them is going to have bragging rights over us Gang Green doggies? SMH. On that note, doggies, enjoy the game and commercials! See y'all on Tuesday! --BB***

[Editor's Note: The views expressed in this column do not necessarily reflect those of SOHH]

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