Friday, Dec 30, 2011 1:00AM

Written by Jeezis Peace

Wow. Hard to believe the year has come and gone so fast. Seems like just yesterday Osama got wacked, Fabolous almost lost his innocence to Ray-J's gay goons and T.I. became a free man. But yo, it's time to put all that silly stuff to rest and leave it behind. As well as some other hijinks from the past 12 months and beyond.

So without further ado, I present the Top 5 Things to Leave Behind in 2011, Dead or Alive:


5. An email address ending in

Let's just keep it trill: If you're still using a Hotmail account, you're probably still using Windows 2000, too. Which means you're still burning CD's and picking a song from said CD to use on your MySpace page. Hotmail is for pimps that set up appointments online, bruh bruh. Close out your old account and step into the wonderful world of Gmail. Thank me later.


4. The word 'epic'

Nicki Minaj's a** [shown above] is epic. The final fight scene of Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon was epic. The buttermilk biscuits your Nana made for you during Christmas break ... not so much. The collaboration album between MC Get Ready and Young Inmate that sold 310 copies its first week ... not so much. Save the word 'epic' for truly epic moments, better yet, allow it to die an epic before 2012 arrives.


3. Anything in your fridge that has been there before Thanksgiving

Aye, clean out your fridge you nasty mo-fo. Nobody wants to look for a beer and have their hand brush past a bag of lettuce that's been sitting for so long its begun to create its own ecosystem. You've got milk turning into butter, cucumbers becoming pickles and grapes turning into raisins. Once your food transitions into an entirely new delicacy, it's time to clean house.


2. T-Mobile

I respect T-Mobile customers for ... oh who am I kidding. Why the hell do you still have T-Mobile. Do they have information on you that may damage your reputation and good standing within the community? Did T-Mobile witness you kill somebody one summer and they're blackmailing you for phone service? Talk to me. Anywho, if your contract is up, time to make the switch to a new phone company. Pronto. If you contract is still binding: Go off the grid for a while on some Bourne Ultimatum type sh*t. Get ghost son.


1. Illuminati theories, Lonely/Suicidal/Enlightened H*e Tweets and Idris Elba

Every barbershop in ghetto America has that one dude who copped a bootleg Illuminati DVD from a recovering weed head and know he loves nothing more than telling people "what's really going on in these streets. No one really lets him cut there hair, so he spends the better part of his day trying to convince people why Lil' Wayne is actually the devil. The only person worse than this is the Twitter chick whose name is some sh*t like @C0mplexInnocentz96 who sits around tweeting Bible verses and Marilyn Monroe quotes all day. That is, when she's not telling the world how lonely she is and feigning suicidal thoughts. Finally, Idris Elba the hardest working immigrant living in America today. Is he a documented worker, if so, when does his visa expire? [I suspect] Elba is here illegally, stealing our jobs and our women. I'm not saying I hate the brother, but the scene where Denzel shoots him in the head is literally my screensaver.

These are the Top 5 Things to Leave Behind in 2011, Dead or Alive. Please take heed, smoke w**d and try your best to succeed. This is ya boy Jeezis Peace wishing you all a safe New Year's Celebration and I'll see you ugly mofo's on the other side.


[Editor's Note: The views expressed in this column do not necessarily reflect those of SOHH]

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