SOHH Whatcha Think: No NBA? No Problem: Kobe Bryant's Secret Hustle [Click Here & Speak]

Tuesday, Nov 15, 2011 8:35AM

Written by J. Bachelor

Sh*t has gotten real. There will be no NBA this year. Sorry. I know, I know. Save your tears, it's time to man up, realize there's nothing we can do about it and pull ourselves together. The National Basketball Players Association, is saying all talks have "completely broken down."

NBPA president Derek Fisher had this to say:

"After two years of making a genuine effort ... we've come to the conclusion today that the process has not worked for us," Fisher said. "We decided this is the best decision for the players."(USA Today)

Let's take a look at a few of the NBA's biggest names and what they'll be doing to keep the checks coming in while the NBA is out:

NBA Commissioner David Stern

New Gig: Actor

Film: The Stern Ultimatum


Coming to theaters Summer 2012, is The Stern Ultimatum. Forgive the God-awful Photoshop work, the movie will be much better, trust me. In it, NBA Commissioner David Stern plays an old man who, while on a trip to the mailbox, forgets his memory and begins attacking friends, family and neighbors as he searches his home for the truth behind his current life. Ultimatum is set to be a trilogy, as The Stern Constipation and The Stern Hallucination, in which the hero faces the early stages of dementia, are set to be released in 2014 and 2015, respectively.

Miami Heat Power Forward Chris Bosh

New Gig: Actor

Television Series: Breaking Bosh


Breaking Bad is the story of a High School chemistry teacher who begins selling crystal meth to support his family, as he is diagnosed with terminal cancer. Breaking Bosh is the story of an NBA player starts selling delicious, not fattening cookies to his friends and neighbors. Sure, Breaking Bosh lacks the high-octaine action of the other show, but hey, the guy is doing what he loves. Let Chris Bosh cook. Or in this case, bake; whatever it takes to keep Bosh out the ghetto. Because the streets is a short stop, either you slinglin' crack rock or you got a run a tasty snack shop.

Los Angeles Lakers Shooting Guard Kobe Bryant

New Gig: Rapper

Rap Name: Lil' K.B. The Based Guard


"Hoes on my d*ck cuz I look like healthcare. Hoes on my d*ck and I treat 'em like welfare" - Lil K.B. The Based Guard

Remember when Kobe tried to rap? It was several years ago, but images of The Black Mamba trying to drop a hot 16 still cause me to wake up screaming at least once a week. Either way, with all this free time he can get back in the booth and bless the streets with a mixtape that doesn't sound like all the world's pain released in unison. Thank you, Based Guard.

Former Coach & ESPN Playoff Commentator Jeff Van Gundy

New Gig: Label Exec aka Trill Boss N*gga

Label Name: Gundy/Aftermath


Is it just me, or does former NBA Coach Jeff Van Gundy always look like he's just been caught in a lie? Either way, since he now has no pro ball games to discuss, now's a good time for Gundy to join up with 50 Cent and Dr. Dre to form Gundy/Aftermath: A Hip Hop dynasty that boasts a roster of decent-at-best stars that somehow always fall short when the stakes are high.

Of course, these are just a few fun side hustles for the NBA figures who are currently riding the proverbial bench. We, the fans, are the ones who truly suffer. So what will you do to pass the time while the NBA is out of commission?

While you ponder that, check out this track by 2 Chainz & Big Sean below:

[Editor's Note: The views expressed in this column do not necessarily reflect those of SOHH]

For the latest gadgets, gear and giveaways, check out

blog comments powered by Disqus