Pulse Report: Gucci Mane Plays Hide & Seek From Jail, Drake Asks 'Got MILF?', Amber Rose Grabs Net Nuts

Friday, Jul 8, 2011 11:45AM

Written by Bulldog Butterworth

In this week's Pulse Report, we take a look at how Gucci Mane had us playing "Where's Gooch?", realize that Drake is thirsty for MILFS these days, watch how Amber Rose has the Internet going bananas and oh SOHH much more!

1. Where In The World Is Carmen San Die- GUCCI! GUCCI! -o

Doggies, it's a good thing I'm not a news writer b/c the amount of hurdles Gucci Mane's camp put fans in this week had this doggy laughing on his a**. LOL. Never before have I seen so many updates and corrections on one doggy that has remained in jail. LOL. So for such a special occasion, I had to map this out. LOL.

Gucci Gone: July 2nd

Atlanta rapper Gucci Mane is believed to have been released from prison today. Gucci had been in prison since pushing a woman out of a moving vehicle in April, and was charged with battery, a misdemeanor and violating his probation. We will report more on Gucci Mane's prison release as the story develops. (Hip Hop Wired)

Gucci Gone Nowhere: July 4th

Amid erroneous reports that beleaguered southern rap star Gucci Mane has been freed from prison this holiday weekend, records show that the rapper is still behind bars although he will be released later this week. (Rapfix)

Gucci Gone: July 5th

"My Welcome Home Party 2nite at Club Onyx," he tweeted referring to Atlanta's adult night club.
"Download "Writing On The Wall 2" hosted by @Djholiday Now on all sites..." (Gucci Mane's Twitter)

Gucci Gone Nowhere: July 6th

Gucci Mane's attorney, Ashutosh Joshi, told MTV News that due to "procedural holdups" Gucci wasn't released yesterday as scheduled. "There are some procedural holdups between the county jail and the state prison as to whether Mr. Davis has to go back to the state prison before he can be released, " Joshi told MTV News.

And to top it off, doggies?

Gucci Goin' Nowhere

Gucci, whose real name is Radric Davis, is being held by the Fulton County Sheriff's Department. He was taken there after serving out a sentence in Dekalb County. Now that this sentence is almost up, Fulton County Sheriff's Department spokeswoman Tracy Flannagan tells RumorFix, "Mr. Davis is still in custody and won't be leaving any time soon." (RumorFix)

^ No offense, doggies, but who gives a d*mn. LOL. Doggies are acting like Gucci is T.I. or even Lil Wayne. Do y'all really care if/when he is a free doggy? I just don't get it. Maybe it's a Southern thing but I don't comprehend it. LOL. My suggestion? Don't hold your breath for this doggy coming out any time soon. LOL.

2. MILFS R Us

Doggies, as much as I can't stand Drake, I have to admit something. I think he has something for those MILFS. LOL. It's one thing to say you went out on a date with Sade but if we take a look at Drake's infatuation with older chicks? LOL. Wait, wait, let me back up. LOL. Let's start with that little a** rumor first.

DrakeRihanna

Drake and Rihanna got pretty damn close at a nightclub in Canada a few weeks ago ... snuggling up at a private booth -- but does the pic back up the rumor that they're really more than friends? The photo was shot at the Buonanotte Supperclub in Montreal on June 12 right around midnight. One source inside the club tells us the two were "all over each other" the entire evening ... and were even seen making out. Rihanna has denied the two are an item -- but after seeing this pic, you buyin' what she's sellin'? (TMZ)

^ LOL. Aight, enough of that bullsh*t. Rihanna is too fast for Drake, so now that that's out of the way.....let's get to the juicy sh*t. MILFS. I'm gonna make this big a** assumption or better yet, theory. I believe Drake's gonna find himself with an older chick. I'm talking about 40's, maybe even early 50's depending on the situation. Doggy has been giving too many clues for too long. The latest evidence, doggies?

"N*ggas getting nervous/I'm passing out the valium/I suggest you pop it, but please don't get to sleepy/you still have the b*tches twerking/up in 400 West Peach street," he raps. "I swear young women are lost these days, but older women dig me/F*ckin' women that knew Biggie so it really ain't no biggie." ("Tony Montana" Remix)

Now by my calculations, doggies, any "woman" that knew Biggie would have to be in their late 30's, early 40's at this point, right? Next clue? How about Drake saying that he, duh, likes older women. LOL.

"I do like older women, can I tell you who I met the other day and she was so beautiful, Sade," Drake told radio host Angie Martinez. "I had lunch with Sade the other day. There were other people around. [I didn't hit on her,] that would be disrespectful. Just seeing her, she does it for me. I like maturity...Really, I really do love to converse. I love that connection. I do love conversation. I truly do, I love those moments...Once you like, get it off, there's like, sorry, there's that 20 seconds after that's probably the realest 20 seconds of your life. Things like conversation and personality matter in those 20 seconds. And those 20 seconds being the realest moments of a man's life..." (Hot 97)

Still need more clues that this doggy is destined to knock up some MILF in her 40's, doggies? Look no further than this:

Uh uh, we up in Barneys goin dumb again/Every time we leave the manager say "come again"/Honestly she's probably old enough to be my mama friend/She just want that feeling back, I make her feel young again/If her card declined, you need to check that sh*t and run again/They don't give you limits when you keep that money comin in/Yeah, just fold some paper around the magnet/As soon as it approve you can throw it in the bag/She mature to say the least/And if I get a car then she make sure to pay the lease/She used to have a husband 'til she found out that he cheats/And then she filed for divorce and watch her bank account increase/She got a condo with a view, a house with a pool/Her son is 26 but he just went away to school/She always show me pictures of him, tell me that's her baby/I hope that I never meet him, that n*gga look craaaaazy/And I be spendin all my lady chips/She got me feeling like my daddy back in '86/Yeah, she say she lucky that she his/No, I'm lucky that you mine baby, you know what it isssss" ("Throw It In The Bag" Remix)

^ SMFH. It's a wrizzy, Drizzy. Case closed! Watch your moms, doggies. That's a promise.

3. Doggy of the Week: Amber Rose

Come on doggies, y'all know I had to do it. LOL. Just take a look at SOHH's Stories You Loved and y'all will see Y'ALL perverted a** doggies can't get enough of this bald headed chick. But I can't blame y'all, a** is fat, frame is little, them door knocks are hot but her lame boyfriend is fizzle. LOL. Just f*cking with you Wiz Khalifa. But in seven days doggies, Amber Rose has had the 'net going nuts. SMFH. LOL!!! She got Nicki Minaj to back up her lying a**, LOL, has 5-0 Cent even analyzing this sh*t, keeps making Kanye West make himself look bad and oh yeah, she's the SOHH CAP DISS this week. LOL. Doggies, button up them shirts straight and brush off those dusty a** fitteds to make room for today's "Doggy of the Week," Mrs. Amber Khalifa-Rose. LOL.

1. I Just Sh*tted On Y'All, Doggies

amber-rose-2011-06-02-300x300.jpgNicki Minaj

"Ppl rlly believed it? WOW > RT @DaRealAmberRose: It shld b illegal 2write fake stories about ppl the media never wants to see any1 happy.," she tweeted June 30th.
"I don't address dumb sh*t. I always assume intelligent ppl understand these "stories" are 4 entertainment purposes only. But clearly... -_-"
"But KARMA is a b*tch. Every lie u print will come back to you & your children in one way or the other. Trust that. ;) #itsPinkFridayHoe" (Nicki Minaj's Twitter)

^ Don't bullsh*t it, doggies. Nicki Minaj coming to Amber Rose's defense may have even won her any sponsorship/deals that were either getting deaded or on the verge of being axed. Now even though I think Rose did send them to Nicki's boyfriend/husband/???, the fact that Minaj is showing her love and making the "media" look dumb as h*ll? Well, yeah, she got us good, doggies.

2. I'm Front Page News, Doggies

"At least it didn't look bad," 50 told DJ Whoo Kid when asked for his reaction to Rose's leaked photos. "It looked good. Let me tell you something. Things like that don't hurt, that's promotion. That's publicity. You got to look at who a person was. [If it was] someone who came in that was completely, let's say, conservative, that would be a damaging blow...That was a camera that took those photos, that ain't no camera phone. You gotta know, you gotta have intention to have a picture taken with your fingers in your p*ssy. That may be interesting for you because you've been watching her -- because you saw her with Kanye [West]. [The other celebrity leaks,] those are telephone pictures. Look, if you have your picture taken of you when you're not aware of it, that's one thing. If you're taking a picture randomly, it's spontaneous, [it's] a camera picture. Her shoes change in the picture. It's different shoes. That means you're conscious, got up, changed the shoes and did it with a camera. You thought about it. So maybe she's taking the pictures for her significant other, maybe it's Wiz Khalifa's joint." (Shade 45)

^ LMFAO!!!!!!!!!! Oh sh*t!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!! Come the h*ll on doggy, really 5-0 Cent? LOL!!!!!!! The fact this doggy can say, "WHO CARES" about whether or not Nicki Minaj's a** is real and then get some CSI type sh*t on right here about Amber Rose's a** is suspect as h*ll. LOL. I can't even call it. I will admit though, 5-0 makes a good point. "That's publicity." D*mn straight.

3. I Still Got You Sprung, Doggy

Kanye West also took fans down his own personal music memory lane playing some his favorite songs, which he credited as inspiring his musical genius. "I don't do interviews anymore because the press be trying to kill me, I let the music speak for itself," he said before having his DJ spin hits like Frankie Beverly & Maze's 'Before I Let Go,' Jodeci's 'Come And Talk to Me' and Bell Biv Devoe's 'Poison,' at which point he took another possible shot at his curvaceous ex-girlfriend Amber Rose, stating "Never trust a big butt and a smile, why ain't I listen to the song?!" (Popeater)

^ LMFAO. Don't let Popeater fool y'all doggies. You know what it is. Kanye West is way too smart to think he can say slick sh*t that won't get picked up. LOL. And no disrespect to his ex-fiancee, but none of the chicks I've seen Ye around have had fat a**es. LOL. Come on, doggies. Really? Think back now. When you think of 2009/2010, what comes to mind? Amber Rose's smile and that fatty. Aight?

4. I Got Bulldog Butterworth Schemin', Doggies

amber-rose-2011-06-02-300x300.jpgcaption-diss-300x300-2011-07-01.jpg

LMFAO. Doggies, am I THAT doggy or what? Who do y'all know that does it better than the one and only Bulldog Butters, huh? LOL. Well, turns out Amber Rose has once again been making headlines (like y'all didn't read Pulse Report, LOL) lately. For what, you may ask? GRAPHIC NUDE PICS, or so SOHH says. LOL. Yes, doggies, it was only appropriate we give Amber Rose some clothed spotlight a day after Independence Day. Seems like her life boils down to the tune of Kanye West's "Two Words." Yes/No. Clothed/Nude. Kanye/Wiz. So with that in mind, what do you get when Amber Rose has to pick between two bananas? LOL. Better yet, what in the h*ll is going on in her mind right here? Hhhmm.............................. (SOHH Cap Diss)

^ LOL. No further remarks, doggies. LOL. Now get them disses in!

4. Mrs. Butterworth: Nadia Dawn

Yes, doggies. Come one, come all. Y'all know I actually debate this section each week? Well, to be more precise, I keep wondering if these Mrs. Butterworth's even need a lead-in to them. Personally, I like to provide some insight into what y'all are about to peep but then when I think about it, they're typically so over-the-top that they need no introduction at all. So just for the h*ll of it, let's skip the yippity yack and hop right into it. Doggies, I present to y'all, the luscious Nadia Dawn.

Nadia DawnNadia Dawn

Nadia DawnNadia Dawn

Nadia DawnNadia Dawn

Still thirsty, doggies? LOL. Y'all know I gotcha!

^ SMFH. I owe y'all doggies. Nadia Dawn's clips only feature her talking. SMFH. We know she's intelligent but the lack of a** and chest shots on YouTube was a disgrace. SMFH. I'll make up for it, doggies.

5. "STFU" Honors

Doggies, I won't even bullsh*t y'all. This may have been one of the hardest "SHUT THE F*CK UP" Honors we've ever had. Not so much b/c there's too many doggies talking bullsh*t but NOT ENOUGH thanks to a long a** holiday break. LOL. But behold the top five doggies that y'all can thank me now for. First, 5-0 Cent saying Nicki Minaj's a** debate is pointless is possibly "STFU" Honors alumi material. Second, we have Alchemist saying he's bringing back....SMFH. I can't even type it out, doggies. LOL. Third, it's a doggy I f*ck with from my borough but killed himself saying doggies are after his spot. WTF? Final two could only be in the form of rap's first-ever cancer saver, Pill, and Big Sean aka the new rap Beyonce saying he's historic. LOL. Doggies, welcome back!

1. 5-0 Cent

50 Cent Nicki Minaj

"I don't know," 50 replied. "At this point, does it matter? Anybody else's a** be like that, that's work, that's work. But I think at this point, there's so much of that that goes on. Like when I did the guest photographer for Smooth Magazine. You see it. They come through there like it's a regular auto body shop. There's a lot of work out there and some of them you can't really tell, they lift it -- That's a bad job if you can feel it [and it's fake]. They went to the wrong people. They got that stuff from around the sink."

2. Alchemist

Alchemistmilli-vanilli-2011-07-05-300x300.jpg

The DJ in question -- named The Alchemist -- dropped the bombshell in L.A. recently .. telling TMZ, "I'm working on a joint with Vanilli ... Vanilli's making a comeback." And according to the Alchemist, Vanilli -- real name Fab Morvan -- is bringing his real voice to the recording sessions, adding, it's "real sh*t dude ... Alchemist-Vanilli." We spoke with Vanilli's rep -- who tells us Fab is DEFINITELY serious about his comeback ... and has recently worked with DJ Tiesto ... one of the biggest DJs in the world.

3. Mickey Factz

Mickey FactzDrake & J-Cole

"I always step my game up because there's new cats coming out and they're trying to come after my spot," Factz added when asked if he feels pressured by the mixtape's resurge in popularity. "I've always tried to make sure I have the best lyrics, the best beats and try to stay true to my fan base at the same time. If I don't do that, then I'm history."

4. Pill

PillDiddy (Concept)

"Pill came from football actually," he revealed in an interview. "That's the nickname for the pill. In one game, a JV game, I showed up, caught a couple touchdowns, I ran one back -- I caught like 10 passes. I showed my a** that game. So they started calling me Pill Pill. And when I started taking music more seriously, I called myself Pill. I cut it short, and I said I'm the cure for rap cancer." (Generation Next)

5. Big Sean

Big SeanDrake & Lil Wayne

People most certainly want to rap like Sean. Late last year, Drake credited Sean's song "Supa Dupa," from the 2009 mixtape "U Know Big Sean: Finally Famous Vol. 2," as the inspiration for his now signature rap style of broken similes (punch lines with the words "like" or "as" removed), a flow West would later term "hashtag rap." "People always ask me, 'Are you mad that everybody took that style or that you didn't get the credit due?' " Sean says. "But I feel like that just goes to show me how far I can go in the rap game. I ain't even put an album out yet and I already made history."

***LMFAO. D*mn doggies, the summer is going fast and I'm actually starting to think that the NBA is really going to be locked out for a minute. SMFH. I guess that means NBA Elite is gonna be rocking through the season as doggies don't know what to do with themselves. LOL. Stay cool in this hot a** weather, doggies. I'll catch y'all on Tuesday! --BB***

[Editor's Note: The views expressed in this column do not necessarily reflect those of SOHH]

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