Pulse Report: 50 Cent Busts Himself, Nicki Minaj Spreads 'Em, Jay-Z's Hot Wings Save Rotten H.A.M.

Friday, Jan 14, 2011 11:50AM

Written by Bulldog Butterworth

In this week's Pulse Report, doggies, we laugh our a**es off at 50 Cent incriminating himself, wet our lips for Nicki Minaj, watch Jay-Z win with chicken & lose with "H.A.M.", and oh SOHH much more!

1. Pumper Dumper

LMFAO. How the h*ll did doggies turn into stock market experts last weekend and now they're running scared? SMFH. OK, let's clear all this sh*t up right quick, doggies. Turns out 5-0 Cent is becoming more and more hip to the game to the point that his a** ain't ever dropping another full-length flop again. LOL. Nah, he will, but just looking at the only "golden egg" he has on his team, Lloyd Banks, and seeing his sh*t do literally nothing has got to wake someone up, right? I mean, you have "Beamer" blowing up the f*cking radio and you manage to do fairly better than Soulja Boy? LMFAO. Well, taking all that into consideration, 5-0 lit a flame under his own a** and went all-out with these business ventures. Films. Check. 3-D Glasses. Check. Knock-off headphones and stocks? WTF?

"I own HNHI stock thoughts on it are my opinion. Talk to financial advisor about it.," he tweeted Monday (January 10).
"HNHI is the right investment for me it may or may not be right for u! Do ur homework"

^ LMFAO!!! I know I jump a sh*tload of tweets, but keep in mind that these came after this doggy was boosting hard as h*ll trying to get y'all to buy stock in his H&H Imports penny-stock. LOL. And how serious was 5-0 about the tips? How much did he care about y'all making $$$ in it? Just as much as Derek Jeter will tell you that Ford is the best car company ever or maybe even Karl Malone's retired a** swearing Sketchers are better than Jordans. SMFH:

Rapper 50 Cent made $8.7 million in paper money on Monday thanks to some tweets. The singer helped pop the shares of the penny stock of H&H Imports, in which he has a stake, by talking it up on Twitter over the weekend, the paper said. H&H owns a marketing firm called TV Goods that was founded by Kevin Harrington of ABC reality show Shark Tank fame, according to the paper. H&H stock gained 29 cents to 39 cents on Monday. That helped boost the value of the singer's stake by $8.7 million, the Post said. 50 Cent, aka Curtis Jackson, received 30 million shares of H&H in a private placement last October. In March, the firm's auditor raised questions about its ability "to continue as a going concern."

Now look, y'all are right, I can almost see what each one of y'all are thinking. "Shut the h*ll up Butters, you don't know sh*t! Just b/c he got paid doesn't mean he was lying." Uh-huh. Well explain them debt problems doggies:

Of course, Jackson's hype won't fix the cash-flow problems at H&H. The company lost $1.3 million last quarter on revenues of just $292,933. As of Sept. 30, the company has accumulated a deficit of $3.3 million and in March its auditor raised questions about its ability "to continue as a going concern," the company has said in financial documents. H&H closed at 39 cents yesterday, up 29 cents, boosting Jackson's 30 million-share stake by $8.7 million.

Even more funny than the company's past $$$ problems is what 5-0 has gotten himself into.

Rapper 50 Cent may have momentarily gotten $8.7 million richer after encouraging his Twitter followers to invest in a money-losing penny stock, but now the hip hopper may be in big trouble with the Security Exchange Commission. "There are very strict guidelines as to what a person can do in terms of possibly manipulating the value of a stock," financial expert and 60-Minute Money Workout author Ellie Kay tells FOX411. "I don't think it would be a huge surprise to anyone if 50 Cent were investigated for what he did." On the SEC's web site, a list for common violations that could lead the government agency to conduct an investigation include "manipulating the market prices of securities."
Securities laws are complicated, but promoting a stock in which you have an interest is a potential violation of securities laws, said Andrew Stoltmann, a Chicago securities lawyer. Even if you're saying something that you believe to be true, promoting shares without mentioning your personal interest in the company gets scrutinized under "pump and dump" rules. These rules are aimed at stopping insiders from saying: "Get in now" while they're quietly getting out. "The SEC loves nothing more than making a high-profile example out of somebody who is violating the rules. We don't need to look further than Martha Stewart to see that. If the department of Justice can get a clean shot at him, I'm sure they would love to take a swing," said Stoltmann. "If [50 Cent] has a managerial role, interlocking business relationships, or if he's on the board, the company could be dragged into a suit as well."

^ SMFH. 5-0 may have really shot himself in the foot b/c think about it. If he doesn't want to f*ck with this company as it continues to crumble, then he'll be accused of "Pump & Dump." You know, that same sh*t that got Martha Stewart in jail. LOL. And on a final note, doggies, let me just say if you really think that this H&H Imports is the real deal, just watch the math:

Don't let the name fool you. 50 Cent's stock is only worth a quarter per share. The rapper's H & H Imports stock fell 36 percent since Monday--from 39 Cents to 25 Cents--and many believe it has to do with Fif not mentioning the company on his Twitter account. Over the last two days 50?s been completely quiet about the stock over Twitter. We'll see how that affects his investment.

2. It's Nicki Minaj, B*tches

Motherf*cker, motherf*cker, motherf*cker! First off, let me just tell y'all if I hadn't already has a Mrs. Butterworth chosen this week, then Nicki Minaj would have won it hands down. This photo spread she did for V Magazine has got to be the hottest sh*t ever. Sorry King, U MAD? The reason I say that is b/c in every other photo spread I've seen, she's on some really dumb cartoon sh*t or trying to show off that fat, in a good way, a** of hers. Like, come the h*ll on doggies. Not trying to sound straight b*tch-made, but when were we going to get that artistic but sexy as h*ll photo spread? And no, the Out sh*t with her legs all long and creepy as h*ll-looking doesn't count. Well, I'll continue on after y'all have gotten a good look right here:

Nicki MinajNicki Minaj

Nicki MinajNicki Minaj

Nicki MinajNicki Minaj

Nicki MinajNicki Minaj

Nicki MinajNicki Minaj

^ See what I'm saying? What we have here is a visual Nicki Minaj spread that shows you can paint the h*ll out of her and she still shines through it. Name me any other female artist that this really works for? I mean, come the h*ll on doggies, she's painted like a villain off Batman Forever. WTF? This sh*t is hardbody if y'all ask me and in my best attempt to separate this from Mrs. Butterworth, let's highlight Minaj's hilarious a** rant against black radio:

Nicki MinajFunkmaster Flex

"Dear Black Radio , wen u do ur morning show tmrw, let the community know that taylor swift is #1 and nicki minaj is #2...," she tweeted Tuesday (January 11).
"As opposed to starting your morning show reading the blogs on air...perpetuating bullsh*t. Inspire the community tmrw Black Radio!"
"And let them know that nicki minaj does NOT have a top ten song on billboard's 100 right now. And NO knew vids out either."
"Let them know that they can WRITE their OWN raps and STILL go toe-to-toe with Rap's Heavy Weights."
"Let them know that NO one can define them! No one makes the rules! U define YOURSELF! Don't let them BOX u in! Your Game! Your Rules!"
"And if they can't respect your hustle, tell them GO F*K YOURSELF! Weak a** b*tches COULD neva!!!!!!! Jealous hatin h*es die slow"
"*pulls out d*ck and p*sses* - Roman #out"

^ LMFAO!!!!!!!!!! Dead a** silence, doggies..............

3. Doggy of the Week: Jay-Z

Doggies, y'all already know Jay-Z has this rap sh*t on lock but when it comes to everything "outside" of this rap sh*t? F*cking ridiculous. From having literally the baddest b*tch in the game to caking up off buffalo wings to being a 41-year-old doggy with a bigger buzz than all your under 40+ rappers combined, except maybe Eminem, I can't eve call it. He ended 2010 as the "Doggy of the Week" and not but only 14 days into 2011 and he's already got another accolade to his name. Pay homage doggies and peep game.

1. Wingman Doggy

Jay-Z (Concept)Jay-Z (Concept)

TMZ has learned Jay-Z -- along with his mother Gloria and sister Andrea -- secretly invested in a buffalo wing joint in Brooklyn called Buffalo Boss. It's not just because wings are delicious -- Jay's first cousin Jamar White is one of the owners. The joint is already making a positive impact in the community -- recently rewarding outstanding students at a local middle school with FREE FOOD! How awesome is that?!

^ SMFH. Word doggies? No bullsh*t, this is so f*cking Hov status right here. Laugh all y'all want but while y'all are munching on those wings, the dollars are stacking up. Pennies make dollars doggies. Even on his worst day, Jay is stick caking up. Applaud this doggy.

2. Ain't No Doggy Like The One I Got

Jay-Z & Beyoncejay-z-beyonce-2011-01-11-300x300.jpg

"For all their might as solo power players, their relationship is remarkably free of drama. They sit around in their pajamas and watch cable and snuggle, which may, after all, be the ultimate fantasy. When they climb off the couch from beneath their favorite cashmere throws or disembark from their yachts, they work as if James Brown were their boss. One of them is always touring, always in the studio, always somewhere making kinds of multimillion dollar-deals that keep them on the Forbes list. Shortly after they'd become serious, when Jay was on summer tour, I was touched by the fact that they were committed to scheduling real time together, even if that meant Beyonce coming on the road, occasionally gracing the stage to perform one of their collabos. I wondered to myself if Jay would return the favor. Powerful women have no problem supporting their partners' dreams so demonstratively. But that September, when it was her turn to head out on her first major international tour as a solo artist, Jay was backstage in her dressing room, playing cards with a robed Beyonce, ready to return the backing and join her onstage if need arose. The very nature of such circumstances proves that they are, indeed, the true definition of a power couple."

^ I ain't even gonna lie to y'all, reading this sh*t makes me mad as h*ll. I can't even share a bag of popcorn with my girl without us arguing over who gets the last handful and these doggies are stress-free. SMFH. What the h*ll happened to "Mo' Money, Mo' Problems"? Sure, Dream Hampton might be gassing sh*t up for the sake of making a good article, but looking at their life, can y'all really believe that sh*t? They're both on top of the world and their personal lives seem 'laxed as h*ll. D*mn.

3. Hating Doggies Show Love Too

Jay-ZJim Jones

"I ain't gon' front, on the last few [G.O.O.D. Friday] tracks, Kanye had been getting the best of Jay, and that's just from a fan's point of view," Jones said in an interview. "Jay is one of the nicest n*ggas to ever do this sh*t, you can't take that from him, but Kanye is vicious, his wordplay is vicious, his harmony is vicious and then he keep a good beat on top."

^ Nah, don't let the Jay-Z VS. Kanye West lyric sh*t throw you off. Jim Jones took those lips, puckered up and pretty much made-out with Jay-Z's a**. Guess he must have forgot what went down with that Mase apology. NOTHING. I gotta admit, Jay hardly, if ever, regrets or pays respect to doggies he's gone at besides Nas and seeing Jim Jones having talked that greasy sh*t and now giving doggy a standing ovatin? "Jay is one of the nicest n*ggas to ever do this sh*t." WTF? You lost Jimmy.

4. H.A.M.M.E.R. Time Doggy

Jay-ZBaby & Lil Wayne

"Really, you got baby money." The line is a double entendre meant both as a general reference to the small amount of money that other rappers have in comparison to Jay-Z, and as a specific reference to the wealth of rapper Dwayne "Lil Wayne" Carter, also known as "Weezy Baby," and fellow New Orleans rapper and record executive Brian "Birdman" Williams, also known as "Baby." The latter recently claimed the former had more money than Jay-Z, which is, well, simply not true. Jay-Z earned $63 million dollars last year, tops on our list of hip-hop's top earners, while Lil Wayne banked $20 million. Birdman did not make the list. Perhaps the best line on Jay-Z's new track is a verifiable and, one might say progressive, boast: "(You) ain't got my lady's money!" Indeed, Beyonce took in a whopping $87 million by our last annual count, more than any rapper -- and more than Jay-Z and Lil Wayne combined.

^ SMFH. Nah, doggies, it's not b/c Jay-Z's verse off "H.A.M." went at Lil Wayne and Baby. It's the fact motherf*cking FORBES wrote every last word you're reading up above. WTF? Rap wins. Jay-Z wins. Everyone else loses. LMFAO!!!!

4. Mrs. Butterworth: Leesh

D*mn doggies, 2011 still ain't kicked all the way in yet. LOL. But maybe this will settle doggies like myself down and help warm up these cold a** winter days. I decided since we tend to focus on big botties and big t*ts, that this week we would.......continue to do the same. LOL. I present to y'all doggies, Leesh. As a matter of fact, let's let Leesh speak for herself and give y'all a rundown of what she's about. Well, then again, let's get your wet dreams turned into reality, doggies, and see who we're talking about first, then y'all can let her blow your brains out........with her words. LOL. I proudly introduce to y'all, this week's juicy Mrs. Butterworth: Leesh.

LeeshLeesh

LeeshLeesh

LeeshLeesh

And the survey says.....

HELLO, HOLA, BONJOUR, CIAO AND HOWDY! WELCOME TO MY OFFICIAL WEBSITE! FOR THOSE WHO HAVE NOT HEARD OF ME BEFORE MY NAME IS ELISHA JADE AKA LEESH. I AM A BIG BOOTIE GLAMOUR MODEL FROM ENGLAND. SOME OF YOU WILL REMEMBER ME FROM THE GOOD OLD MYSPACE DAYS. I STARTED MY CAREER AGE 18 DOING COMMERCIAL MODELLING OVER THE YEARS I HAVE DONE MORE AND MORE STYLES AND I STARTED WEARING LESS AND LESS CLOTHES! SO, I NOW HAVE A VERY VERSITILE PORTFOLIO. I AM OPEN MINDED AND CREATIVE AND I WANT MY WEBSITE TO CATER FOR EVERYONE ALL OVER THE WORLD! I REALLY HOPE ALL YOU GUYS AND GIRLS ENJOY THE TIME YOU SPEND AT ILOVELEESH.COM TALKING TO ME ON MY HOSTED WEB CHATS, DOWNLOADING MY IMAGE SETS AND CLIPS. MY CONTENT WILL BE A MIX AND BLEND OF URBAN EYECANDY GLAMOUR (USA MARKET) UK GLAMOUR (TOPLESS) AND ANY OTHER STYLES THAT COME INTO MY HEAD!

Stop drooling, doggies. LOL. Actually, keep drooling. LOL.

YOU WILL BE ABLE TO SEE FROM MY IMAGES AND CLIPS THAT I AM A BIT OF A CHARACTER. I LOVE TO SHOCK PEOPLE, NO ONE EVER KNOWS WHAT I AM THINKING OR WHAT MY NEXT MOVE WILL BE - I'VE ALWAYS GOT ANOTHER TRICK UP MY SLEEVE. EXPECT LOTS FROM ME AND MY WEBSITE I AM SO PASSIONATE IN EVERYTHING I DO ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO MODELLING SO STAY TUNED IN TO SEE WHAT I AM ALL ABOUT. LOTS OF LOVE LEESH P.S I MAY NOT BE EVERYONES FAVOURTIE CUP OF TEA BUT I SURE AM BRITIAN'S BAD ASS :) MY STATS LOCATION : UNITED KINGDOM HAIR COLOUR : BLACK EYE COLOUR : BROWN HEIGHT : 5"7 CHEST : 34E WAIST : 26 HIPS : 42 DRESS SIZE: UK 12 SHOE SIZE : UK 6.5

^ Sorry doggies, I searched long and hard, no videos really poppin' of this Mrs. Butterworth. Guess those still shots will have to hold y'all over for the time being. LOL.

5. "STFU" Honors

Yes, doggies. It's here. The one place putting your favorite rappers on blast for saying things that have earned them some "SHUT THE F*CK UP" Honors. LOL. This week? Nothing less than stellar winners. First we take a glance at a doggy tight over sextapes probably b/c he couldn't get a wifey to star in one with him, a doggy that thinks talking sexual positions on-stage is gonna sell a few more copies of Thank Me Later, a doggy that's been up too late watching those Sci-Fi channel flicks, a jailed doggy's wife denying some handy work and last but not least....a doggy that's just too d*mn silly for even me. LOL.

1. Sheek Louch

Sheek LouchSex, Cameras, And Hip Hop

"['Picture Phone Foreplay'], that's for the chicks that's sending me them pictures," Sheek said in an interview. "Word. That's for them. They go hard on that camera phone...Nah, I'm not with it. Especially right now with how sh*t is, you send it to her and she puts it on all these sites and all that sh*t. I don't think that's cool. I don't do that. Keep your sh*t to yourself until you're with that girl. That's it. Sextapes and all that sh*t is not healthy right now!"

2. Drake

Drake (Concept)Keri Hilson

"I really want to be able to lay you down on your back -- look you in the eyes and sh*t," Drake said. "We can do it how ever you want, for ever how long you want but I kind of got this thing I always end with -- You know I flip you over and you arch your a** up a little bit and I hit you with this thing I call the 'Drizzy 3 Stroke.' I grab you right here and I do the three stroke -- the last one is crazy I promise. That's when I lean over and put one question in your ear ['What's My Name']"

3. Styles P

Styles PPolice Tape

"With all the fish and the birds and sh*t like that, you don't really hear or see about no sh*t from too many rappers," Styles said in an interview. "Who the f*ck even knows where the earth is gon' be in a few years to even say where hip-hop is gon' be? The bird and fish thing is kinda bugged out so I know it's kinda weird to throw in an interview but my take on it is if everybody don't wake up and pay attention, besides rap, everything is gon' be f*cked up."

4. Tiny

T.I. And TinyHandcuffs

"What y'all saying over there," Tiny asked in a radio interview referring to the rumors involving sexual misconduct with T.I. "Oh, don't you say that. No. That's not what happened. It was just, it was just, they [the prison guards] just couldn't see it. [laughs]"

5. Soulja Boy Tell Em

Soulja Boy & Kanye WestGrammy Awards

The rapper's breakthrough song, "Crank Dat (Soulja Boy)", was up for the best rap song Grammy in 2008, but lost to West's party anthem, the T-Pain-assisted "Good Life". Soulja Boy says initially he "wasn't really thinking about it" and was optimistic that he would "get it next year." Now, the 20-year-old says while recording his recently released third album, "The DeAndre Way," he felt like "he should have got that Grammy."

***LMFAO!!! Soulja Boy thinking he deserves a Grammy. SMFH. My fault for having to skip airing out that "H.A.M." record as much as I should have. I wanted it to follow 5-0 Cent but one of the SOHH writers put me on to those Nicki Minaj pics and GOT D*MN! I had to make that executive decision doggies. And I won't even lie, I've been contemplating that Gucci Mane tat photo for Caption Diss. LMFAO. Congrats on Slaughterhouse and Yelawolf signing to Shady Records too. Don't know if that sh*t is going to mean much a year from now if they are at the same status as D12 and Cashis. But f*ck it, let's think positive for 2011. Aight doggies, y'all already know my Jets are tapping that Patriot a**. Catch y'all in the AFC play-offs! LOL!***

[Editor's Note: The views expressed in this column do not necessarily reflect those of SOHH]

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