Pulse Report: Diddy's Last Laugh To The Bank, G. Dep Can't Harlem Shake 25 To Life, Waka Flocka Flame's Spot Gets Cemented

Friday, Dec 24, 2010 12:05PM

Written by Bulldog Butterworth

In this week's Pulse Report, doggies, we applaud Diddy for having the last laugh on our a**es, notice G. Dep is shaking his head, not Harlem, these days, acknowledge Waka Flocka Flame's "Doggy of the Week" hand clap and oh SOHH much more!

1. Shut Up, B*tch

Doggies, please do it with me. Spread your legs, put your head behind your scrotum and kiss your a**, or maybe we should be kissing Diddy's b/c while we laughed and said his Last Train to Paris was going straight into the sh*tter, this doggy actually pulled a Boston Redsox vs. New York Yankees 2004 ALCS on us. How the h*ll do you jump from NO MORE than 65,000 albums, TOPS, to doing over 100,000 in your first-week of sales? SMFH. At first I wanted to get mad and scream at Hits Daily Double thinking they were on some bullsh*t but sure enough, I thought about it. Doggy does mad TV appearances, has Twitter on lock, gets over a milli views of some girl's hair catching on fire at his crib and d*mn, d*mn, double d*mn. Here we go, huh? And for the doggies that aren't up on what I'm saying right now, here's what's what:

Estimates for R. Kelly's typically salacious Love Letter are in the 150-160k range, which would beat most industry forecasts, as the veteran R&B superstar tends to do. Next highest debut comes from Bad Boy/Interscope's Diddy/Dirty Money, the latest project from P. Diddy, which would seem to be in the 60-65k range.

^ SMFH. I can't be mad, b/c for any other doggy, this sh*t would be on point. No disrespect to SOHH, but when it comes to them album numbers, HITS is the site y'all need to be f*cking with. Although, in this day and age, doggies say it ain't about the numbers anymore. LMFAO. Yeah right, anyway though, to rub the sh*t in our faces a little bit more, Diddy and those Dirty Money chicks let out a statement telling us what the deal was and that yeah, they knew what those estimates were. LOL.

Dirty MoneyDiddy (Last Train To Paris)

"On Monday, the 'experts' projected that our 'Last Train To Paris' album would move approximately 65k units in its first week. Well, they were wrong. With the help of our fans and the tremendous power of Twitter our debut album skyrocketed to #7 on The Billboard 200 chart scanning more than 100k units. Also this week, our new single, 'Coming Home' broke through to the top ten on iTunes. This is an amazing start for a brand new group and for a debut album. We are so thankful!"- Diddy, Dawn, and Kalenna (Diddy-Dirty Money)"

SMFH. Even worse?

"Y'all already know I deal with a lot of hate and I talk about that but it's also important to talk about when I'm dealing with a lot of love," Diddy said in a vlog. "And the love you've shown me and the girls on this project, y'all made this project a success and I want to say thank-you. We ain't have no number one records -- we had the Twitter support, we had one of the first albums where Twitter overrode radio, TV, anything else and y'all basically said that y'all heard the album and it's hot. Definition of the Internet. Word of mouth, being viral, having control of what's going on. I want to thank y'all for just helping me get to this day, helping [Dirty Money's Kaleena and Dawn] get to this day. Y'all been riding with us, seeing us grow and evolve, but like right now, Twitter, you guys, everybody that's in the family, that's been down from day one, thank-you, thank-you, thank-you -- The success of this album is all due to you guys. We're gonna keep spreading the word, we're about to go on tour, we're about to really get this mood cracking."

This doggy really said, "Moth-er-f*cking-Did-dy-Blog!" LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!! Eh, I won't lie, I thought this doggy was out for the count and that all this time of waiting was just a f*cking joke. Say what you want doggies, but 100K in the first week is not a bad look, at all. D*mn, Cam'ron's comeback after a two-year hiatus didn't even do but 40K or something, right? D*mn. Go ahead Puffles, I'm f*cking with you on the real. F*ck a hater like myself, I'm glad you're still doing that Bad Boy sh*t. LOL.

2. Take That, Take That, Take That Murder Charge

Doggies, I don't even know where to start when it comes to G. Dep. I really don't. Now I have heard it all at this point.

"Oh, he's just trying to get his buzz up, he won't do time."

"F*ck dumb a** G. Dep, he was high on sh*t when he confessed."

"He had to do what was right, and that's the bottom line."

^ SMFH. Sadly, I agree with all those and some. Now this is a very sticky situation. For the doggies unaware of G. Dep's sh*t, just think back to these joints:

D*mn, it really is sad to even cover this but we'll keep it gully and moving. Turns out G. Dep, for whatever reason, couldn't take his internal demons last week and confessed to a murder. Now, sh*t is a little unclear b/c supposedly he just confessed to shooting a man back in '93, only problem is that doggy turned out to be D.O.A. when the ambulance eventually came through:

g-dep-2010-12-19-300x300.jpgPolice Tape

Apparently when Trevell Coleman, AKA rapper G-Dep, came cleanto police about shooting a man in the chest in 1993, he may not have known that he was confessing to killing a guy. He told thePost in a jailhouse interview, "I was surprised -- for some reason, I really didn't think that he died. When they told me, I was like, 'Oh, I'm not going home after this.'" He has now been charged with murder, and faces life in prison. Coleman says he didn't think much of the shooting at the time, but "started to wonder if all the bad things that happened to me in my life were karma for what I did...I thought that if I turned myself in, it might give me closure." So despite the objections of his mother and his girlfriend, he told the police. Now he says, "The only thing I regret is that I have to leave my kids."

Surely enough doggies, it wasn't long before Dep got indicted and is looking at doing 25 to life in the penal system off a murder he "supposedly" had a role in. Now if y'all want to ask me what I think, it's pretty plain and simple. Dep likely "imagined" or better yet, remembered a shooting one of his doggies took part in and based off the amount of drugs he has done over the past few years, thought "he" was the one pulling the trigger. To make my point more clear, here's an updated idea of what Dep's health condition is looking like these days:

For now, looks like we gotta play the waiting game and see what happens next for doggy, but something dope that I was proud of SOHH for covering was Diddy's reaction to the sh*t. Right or wrong, Diddy really showed a lot of love and support for Dep. I can't even argue or poke fun at this doggies.

"You could always feel that if you knew G. Dep, and I can't say it was that, maybe something was troubling his soul," Diddy explained in the interview. "'Cause he was real quiet. He's the type of guy who wouldn't hurt a fly. I don't know what happened in that instance but he did the right thing and manned up to it...He had a real bad drug problem and that could have caused the situation. As a person, that wasn't nothing that he would do. Drugs sometimes make people slip up and make mistakes...Dep was definitely one of the favorite artists I signed to Bad Boy. That's something I really wanted to work out, but that was just like he had personal things he was dealing with and we tried our best with that."

Bullsh*t aside, all the best for Dep D*mn, doggy.

3. Doggy of the Week: Waka Flocka Flame

Yeah, y'all read it correctly. Waka Flocka Flame, doggies. Funny thing about doggy is that when everybody was complaining about him saying rap doesn't have to be about lyrics, I just didn't give a f*ck and ignored him. But then, all those singles and then the sh*t with him getting shot, beefing with Gucci Mane, his mama trying to get at Nicki Minaj and a rack of other sh*t forced me to keep up with him. Even though this may be a bit of a stretch, gotta admit, Waka Flocka Flame deserves to be this week's Doggy of the Week mostly because of the sh*t that's going on AROUND him. Not quite sure what I'm getting at? Think about it. His mom talks greasier than he does. He f*cks with Gucci Mane who happened to be chilling at his crib which ended up getting raided. SMFH. This doggy is even getting co-signs from that doggy out of Rick Ross' camp who got punched out. LOL. Say what y'all want, but don't tell me this doggy was on his six degrees of separation sh*t over the past week!

1. Waka Flocka What Your Mama Flamed Ya, Doggy

Wacka Flocka Flame & MomNicki Minaj (Pink Friday)

"[Pink Friday is] terrible," Debra Antney said in an interview. "I like some stuff, but she went too left. I don't think people were ready for her to come [out with pop]. When I had Nicki, I really wanted her to sing. That's why I took her for training cause Nicki loves singing, but she kept saying to me, 'Deb, I can't do it yet because people won't understand.' And that's why the [rap] mixture was done to introduce them to all of Nicki. I think [Pink Friday] was very disappointing to a lot of her fans. She didn't need a lot of [the] features. That was one of the biggest things like... you gave people so many features, give them you now. Nicki could be so much better because--outside of anything that people say--she's very multi-talented. I really wish that she would learn to be more of an artist."

^ LMFAO! Doggies, never before have I seen a doggy's mom pop off so much sh*t and think nothing of it! SMFH. The fact that Waka is cool with Nicki Minaj and his mama is still getting at her with no regard to what it could do to his relationship is f*cking hilarious as sh*t. LOL. Waka's mama gets his a** approval from me. LOL!

2. Waka Flocka Gang Bang Doggy

"Now look here, I'm rapping right, why would I rap and go try to street gang bang," Waka asked radio host Jenny Boom Boom in an interview this weekend. "Like, that's hustling backwards. Why would I want to rap all around the world then hit the streets and gang bang? I'm a rapper, not a gang banger. How can you gang bang and be a rapper? I don't understand that. I would to find out where their information comes from..."

^ LOL. I know this sh*t is slightly taken out of context but long story short, Flocka is responding to the reports that his home was raided last week b/c he's a gang banger/drug dealer. LOL. If y'all have been f*cking with me for the past year and change, then y'all know how I think. Money talks, bullsh*t walks. Flocka could have said that NO COMMENT sh*tty response but he kept it gully and straight up lied, I think, about being only a rapper. LOL.

3. Waka Flocka Gunplays W/ Flames Doggy

"I got Waka Flocka on that single, 'Rollin.' If y'all haven't heard it yet, just Google that sh*t. Gunplay, 'Rollin'. You're gonna hear that sh*t [on my upcoming] mixtape...We're two of the livest n*ggas in the game right now when it comes to energy and crunkness, you know," Gunplay said in an interview with Mikey T The Movie Star referring to Waka Flocka Flame. "I got a different kind of crunk, [Flocka's] just crunk all the way. I got a different kind of crunk. It's that sh*t, I don't know, I just do what I do. They just be vibing that sh*t in the street -- We got things going on. Y'all don't understand."

^ LMFAO! I know what y'all are thinking. "WTF, Butters? Why the h*ll are you boasting about this when it should be in "STFU" Honors?" LOL. Hear me out right quick. First, don't y'all see anything strange about Waka Flocka messing with a doggy named Gunplay after saying he doesn't gang bang? SMFH. Anyway though, this is what I'm thinking. Waka getting that co-sign, lame or not, is a good look. Sort of like when Kurupt gave props to Dr. Dre. Y'all keep forgetting, Waka Flocka is only like 22, 23 years old so for him to be doing what he's doing and having a bigger buzz than f*cking Soulja Boy is saying a lot. Call it for what it is, but Gunplay is telling y'all the truth. Waka is really doing the d*mn thing.

4. Mrs. Butterworth: Blac Chyna

SMFH. D*mn, doggies. This sh*t right herrrreeee? LOL. I gotta say, I had spent a few weeks thinking about how hard I would roll come X-Mas week. Should I get a holiday themed Mrs. Butterworth? What about a Hanukkah sexy little thing? Where are my Kwanzaa doggies at? LOL. Well, the plan busted and I decided to stick to the script with a juicy a** Mrs. Butterworth named Blac Chyna. No hair, fake hair, whipped hair, who cares? This tender little thing right here is enough to make Tiger Woods cheat on his white girl for a real winner. LOL. Doggies, feast your eyes on this jolly candy.

Blac ChynaBlac Chyna

Blac ChynaBlac Chyna

Blac ChynaBlac Chyna

Still not satisfied? Well....Merry Christmas!

5. "STFU" Honors

Doggies, first off, let me once again say happy holidays to all of y'all. Even though we bullsh*t in here and keep sh*t moving, I want y'all to know that this time of the year is at the very least a time to show love and be jolly....BUT NOT IN "SHUT THE F*CK UP HONORS." I went all the way in this week doggies and decided since a picture says a thousand words, let's get the footage of these doggies saying stupid a** quotables. LOL. We got Ms. Jade bringing up some old, old, old a** swagger jacking accusations? Lil Kim thinking she is still relevant? (Sorry Kim, I f*cks with you but you're a lost one right now.). Nelly deciding not to just be straight up and sugarcoating some bullsh*t rumors about him and Ashanti. Timbaland just biting Kanye West and looking like a d*mn fool in from of some Macy's-looking X-Mas tree. But what really had my a** roling was Diddy trying to talk that sh*t with Chelsea Handler. Doggies, make way, it's time to pay respect to the worst doggies of the week. LOL!

1. Ms. Jade

"When I first came out, my persona was kind of like, the roundaway girl with the Adidas sweatsuit, bamboo earrings," Miss Jade said in an interview with radio host Star. "[Missy Elliott] took that and ran all the way down the street with it. And you know, as a new artist, it looks like I'm copying from her but actually, it's the other way around. She took the same exact picture [of me posing in a baseball cap sideways] -- Missy Elliott swagger jacked me."

2. Lil Kim

"I would do a song with [Nicki Minaj]... for the right price. I'm a hustler. 7 million? Maybe," Kim said. "The girl is not as stupid as people think that she is...She know exactly what she's doing to make people feel sorry for her; that's her thing. She's a very contradicting creature, and I noticed that about her...God made it so that I can have my way back in and really represent the right way in this game for the females... She wanted to be the only one out there. Just because I been in the game for a minute don't mean it's over for me, baby. At the end of the day, I'm not going nowhere..."

3. Nelly

"[Our relationship] is the same it's always been," Nelly said in an interview when asked about the singer. "We're really good friends, you know? I think that's the thing people don't understand. I say that because you know it's like society puts a pressure on you 'cause they want to see it turn into a certain relationship. You see what I'm saying? But if that relationship don't work, then society doesn't take the responsibility of when it don't work. [laughs] You know what I'm saying? It's kind of like, 'Oh, oh, okay, we'll move on to the next couple we want to see.' I think what people don't understand is I think you really have to be friends first. I think that's the thing. It's not about how long it takes because there's no time limit on this. I'm not a person that wants to get married more than once. You see what I'm saying? ... If I'ma do it, I'ma do it and that's it. You're dying if you leave me. Right now we're friends, man, I'm married to my work, [my new album] 5.0. You see what I'm saying? I'm married to getting things in a certain situation right now and she's married to getting things in a certain situation right now. So again, man, we enjoy each other's company and love it."

4. Timbaland

"Timbo the King, announces, 'Timbaland Thursday,' starting in January," Tim announced in a video. "I was gonna start in December, but I'm going to kick it off in January. Just do something fresh for the new year, I think I'll be a new man for the new year. So let me do something. I think my music is for the new year, something fresh. I'm always different. Something for the new year. I'm bringing you music every Thursday until I decide to stop. And I probably won't stop. Like Puff say, 'Don't stop, take that, take that. Take that record.'"

5. Diddy

First, he came on to Chelsea -- offering himself up and complimenting her dress -- and then, when she called him "girl", making an even steeper offer. "I'm not feeling this girl thing," he slurred, "I will pull out my schlong right now!" Handler handled it well, saying she felt that she gave him a look of fear when he was late -- and would like to do it again. Diddy then referenced "all the other black men that's trying to meet you," most likely a nod to Handler's rumored relationship with rapper 50 Cent.

***Doggies, it's motherf*cking X-Mas Eve! Hop your a**es off the Internet and spend time with friends and families! LOL! -BB***

[Editor's Note: The views expressed in this column do not necessarily reflect those of SOHH]

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