Pulse Report: Lil Wayne's A** Kissing Begins, Nicki Minaj Backs Off Lil Kim, MC Hammer Can't Touch Jay-Z

Friday, Nov 5, 2010 12:30PM

Written by Bulldog Butterworth

In this week's Pulse Report, doggies, we tally up how many doggies are a** kissing Lil Wayne, laugh at Nicki Minaj's claim that she didn't try to "Quiet Storm" Lil Kim, bless MC Hammer for giving Jay-Z free promotion and oh SOHH much more!

1. Kiss My A** Good-Bye

LMFAO. Doggies, this has to be classic. I knew we would cover Lil Wayne going to jail and coming back this week but instead of doing something typical like hearing/seeing the footage of him being released, I decided to take a better approach. The biggest smallest rapper out? YOU KNOW EVERY DOGGY is gonna want collaborations, guest features on their album and TwitPics with Wayne. LOL. And so, take note, these doggies show Wayne why his a** stays in the studio doing favors for everybody.

Nicki Minaj

Nicki Minaj & Lil Wayne

Wayne's home! #WelcomeHomeWeezy @liltunechi @BIRDMAN5STAR @mackmaine #YMCMB

^ Sounds like someone needs a "Pink Friday" verse. SMFH.


Game & Lil Wayne


^ SMFH. I don't care how many times Game does sh*t with Wayne, that "R.E.D." album ain't ever coming out. QUOTE ME!


Diddy & Lil Wayne

Welcome Home WEEZZZZY!!!!!!! God Bless you!! Let's GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

^ LMFAO!!! That "Last Train to Paris" can have all the feature in the world, Puffles, but even Wayne can't save it from flopping. 300K tops, total sales.


Drake & Lil Wayne

Between the hours of 1 - 2am...WEEZY IS COMING HOME

^ LOL. I guess he's ready to apologize to Wayne for "Thank Me Later" not selling 2 million, or 1 million, sh*t, even 500,000 copies in its first week. LOL.

Busta Rhymes

Busta Rhymes


^ LOL. And we yet come across another rapper that has no relevance anymore. Grow your braids out and stand in line to do an album with Wayne, Buster.

Rick Ross

Lil' Wayne And Rick Ross

#weezy welcome home party sun m.i.yayo.. #100bottles #legend

^ SMFH. Ross, you know I f*cks with you hard (pause), but calm your a** down, "Teflon Don" practically flopped and why don't you hit up Baby about that album y'all are working on. SMFH.

Joell Ortiz

Joell Ortiz

LiL Wayne is home-competition just tougher


Lil Wayne's Manager

Lil Wayne

@liltunechi #WelcomeHomeWeezy. FREE AT LAST!!!!!!

^ I guess this was expected, right? But what the h*ll, free at last? His a** was sentenced to a year???? WTF???

Keri Hilson

Keri Hilson/p>

RT @liltunechi: #WelcomeHomeWeezy. «--YES...he's baaaaack!!! Welcome home suga!!!

^ Keri, y'all are not doing a "Turning Me On" part two. Stop it.


Baby & Lil Wayne

Weezy f back on my money s**tymcmb billionaires!!

^ It's a d*mn shame how much $$$ Baby makes off this doggy. A d*mn shame.

DJ Clue

Lil Wayne

WELCOME HOME WEZZY aka @liltunechi ! Lehgoooo

^ Clue, you already know DJ Khaled has first dibs on is Cash Money Records labelmate. LOL.

Mack Maine

Mack Maine

Everybody go and welcome @liltunechi back.....all true weezy fans!!! The angels are rejoicing and so am I!!!!!

^ LOL. I still don't get this sh*t. Angels are rejoicing? SMFH. I'm sorry doggies, but jail and rappers is a f*cking joke. The fact that Wayne's release brings up this much attention is really a sad aspect of rap.

2. Down A** B*tch

Bullsh*t, doggies, hands down. All this talk about Nicki Minaj and her "Roman's Revenge" NOT being some hot sh*t directed at Lil Kim? SMFH. Get the h*ll out of here with that right now. Actually, let's start from the beginning and get to what it is that I'm heated about:

"Look at my show footage all these girls be spazzin, so what the f*ck I look like getting back to a has-been. Yeah I said it, HAS-BEEEN. Hang it up, FLAT SCREEN. PLASMA... I'm a bad b*tch...I'm a cunt and I'll kick that h*e...PUNT...You need a job this ain't cutting it, Nicki Minaj is who you ain't f*cking wit."

^ Only thing missing in here is Nicki Minaj tossing on a pink wig. SMFH. I f*cks with Minaj but you can't tell me this record was not a direct shot at Lil Kim. No way, Jose. You can't sell me that bridge at ALL. Those "has been" references, those "you need a job, this ain't cutting it" is not just direct but it's lethal. See, at the end of the day, I'm down with Minaj taking a bite out of Kim's a** and just finishing her off once and for all, but to act like this sh*t wasn't going at her? LOL. Even the legend Roxanne Shante gave props to Nicki.

"If she named it 'Roman's Revenge' after 'Roxanne's Revenge', then I'm honored. Job very well done," Shante said in an interview. "[Nicki's] record was to prove a point, but I was never afraid to say names. Not saying that she's afraid, but I always wanted people to know who I was talking about...The similarities are she just doesn't care. Like, [Lil Kim], this is what I'm saying about you, now what you gonna do? Being a battle rapper that was totally respected by my male counterparts, I understand where she's coming from. No one can tell the future. [Lil' Kim] could come back with something that blows everyone's mind. Or, she could come back with something and blow her own mind."

^ LOL @ Roxanne trying to assume that Minaj was motivated by her for the record though. LMFAO. Way to make yourself relevant again, Rox! Anyway, even the battle queen thought she was going at Kim, so WTF? But, just when we thought this sh*t might actually play out and bring forth some slick sh*t from Kim, Nicki waves the white flag:

"No, I'm talking about everyone who has been in interviews talking and I think it's good for people to hear me respond to a lot, people have said so much about me so I don't ever single anyone out because no one is worth being singled out," Minaj explained in an interview when asked if she was dissing Kim. "No one is worth having their name mentioned out of my mouth and they never will get that. But you know, I've been quiet for such a long time, I've been the nice guy, I've been the person that gave everybody their props. I complemented everybody from day one and I think that as a rapper, you can't be a rapper and not speak on things being said about you. So, I use my music to say what I have to say."

^ STFU. Way to ruin a wet dream.Need I remind y'all doggies that this "Barbie B*tch" used mad "Has-Been" references? So how are you going to say that it's everyone in interviews talking about you? Oh wait, hasn't KIM been the only one talking about you in interviews? SMFH. She even talked greasy in a separate interview, doggies! LOL:

View image

"These girls aren't mad at me. They're mad at themselves," she states, shooting down questions on why she never took Kim's bait. "[It's] jealousy, insecurity and being broke. When you haven't capitalized and you see I'm about to capitalize on this sh*t like it's never been done before, then you're mad at yourself."

^ Sorry doggies, but my mama ain't raise no sucker. This is bullsh*t and it's not even wrapped up in a pink package. Y'all keep it funky and argue amongst yourselves, but my question is why is she getting this far in her career and not being truthful? Is it some slow torture that even though she keeps denying it, Minaj knows that it's killing Kim on the inside? SMFH.

3. Can't Bless This

LMFAO!!! Doggies, here is the classic example of "WHEN KEEPING IT REAL GOES WRONG." LOL!!!! The fact that MC Hammer is using Jay-Z as an excuse to do some voo doo sh*t bogus stunt is beyond me. The fact that he has over a million Twitter followers is also beyond me, so go figure. Now we don't have time to go ALL the way back and analyze each little exchange, but turns out Hammer Time got up on Twitter for Halloween and promised some diss record. Well, 11:59 PM EST and nothing ever popped off:

MC Hammer & Jay-Z (Hellboy)

"jblack98 @MCHammer I'm glad u exposed Jz. So many pple don't kno n I think even Christians period r in the dark. This stuff is deeper than we think.," Hammer re-tweeted on Halloween.
"In West Oakland knockin' this #BetterRunRun ... Streets loving' it!!! #KingHammer."
"toddtuller1 @MCHammer the jay z explanation was great. I never put 2n2 together. I think you opened a lot of peoples eyes. Peace brother."

^ SMFH. So guess doggy was just blowing hot smoke up our a**es, huh? SMFH. Midnight strikes, November 1st comes and no World Star Hip Hop or Nah Right site has sh*t from Hammer. So Jay-Z won, kinda? Not quite. Dead a** late and not even close to on time, Hammer Time puts this week a** video out and makes you feel dumber than the $15 you spent on that d*mn Saw 3-D horrible a** flick with this:

The track includes several lyrical references to the rapper, as well as an apparent lookalike. In one verse, MC Hammer raps: "Yo Jay I gotta reason to doubt, if I knock on your door would you come on out? "If I knock on your door that mean I'm knockin' you out, if I knock on your door boy I'll bust you in ya mouth." ....... The video features a masked figure chasing a Jay-Z look-a-like being chased through the words by a devil. On the track, Hammer continues to insinuate that "Jay Hova" worships the devil and needs to find God. He even takes small shot at Beyonce Knowles. "The Devil said 'I'll give you the world' 'I'll take it plus give me a girl. Mister devil can you give a sign he said throw the rock up, that's one of mine'" During the 5-minute video, Hammer berates Jay-Z and threatens to "knock him out." At the end of the video, Hammer, who is an ordained minister, catches the Jay-Z look-a-like and baptizes him. (All Hip Hop)

^ SMFH. This doggy is gassed all the way the h*ll up, huh? Baptizing Jay-Z? WTF? See, I don't like to get religion involved but who the H*LL does this old a** doggy think he's talking about? Has Jay even paid him the time or day with his lame a**? Just a reminder, doggies, this is ALL Jay-Z said:

"And Hammer went broke so you know I'm more focused/ I lost 30 mil so I spent another 30/Cause unlike Hammer 30 million can't hurt me."

^ Well, to even my surprise, Jay actually addressed the sh*t. Was he lying though? Did he say something that nobody knew? Did this come as a surprise to y'all doggies? Not only did Jay keep a cool head, he said Hammer straight up played himself, too. SMFH:

Jay-Z & MC Hammer

"I didn't know that wasn't on the table for discussion," Jay laughingly told DJ Semtex. "I didn't know I was the first person to ever say that? Am I? [laughs] I'm not, am I? I know I've heard that before, I didn't think I was the first one to say it. I guess, you know when I say things, I think people believe me so much that they take it a different way. It's not rap anymore at that point. I didn't mean it. I said some great things about him in the [Decoded] book that I have coming out -- he's gonna be like, embarrassed. I said some really great things about him in the book and about people's perception of him and how he's from East Oakland. It is what it is. He took it the wrong way. I didn't know I said anything wrong. I don't know if I said a lie."

^ Final thoughts? Older rappers are hurting the rap game. You got doggies like Ice Cube talking about taking out these young rappers and now MC Hammer jumping the gun and using a name reference to plot a whole comeback. D*mn, you would think Hammer Time would have talked with Jaz-O for his video. LOL. Y'all use your judgment, but it's a wrizzy for this clown.

4. Mrs. Butterworth: Kaeo Black

Doggies, you want to know what I've begun to realize? Out of all these Mrs. Butterworth's we've had on here, there's a slim to none chance that any of y'all would ever have a shot at getting hooked up with them. Right? I mean, not trying to bring down your self-esteem, doggies, but other than myself and maybe a slim one percent of the Pulse Report readers, your closest encounter with these women would be a FaceBook friend reqest. LOL. But wipe your tears, doggies, good ol' Bulldog Butterworth is here to the rescue with a sweet little pretty thing, Kaeo Black. She's a certified dime and happens to be KING's "Web Girl," so in all likelihood, you might have a chance to get with her before she blows up and gets those Dynasty Series features. LOL. Good luck, doggies:

Kaeo BlackKaeo Black

Kaeo BlackKaeo Black

Kaeo BlackKaeo Black

^ Well, doggies, unfortunately since she "is" on the come-up, we don't have a ton of booty videos so I decided to put a good portion of her KING interview in here. Enjoy, doggies. LOL.

What body part of yours attracts the most attention?

My feet and my hair probably attract the most attention. People always say I have beautiful feet and since they are small (size 5.5/6) people say they are cute too. My hair also attracts a lot of attention because it's long and extremely healthy. I get a lot of people approaching me asking where I buy my hair from, I just thank them, smile and say it's mine.

Sleep or sex?

Both [winks]. Great sex followed by sleep is the best! I love waking up and reminiscing on the night before. It just makes me start the day off with a smile on my face.

If you had to sleep with one woman who would it be?

That's easy, Megan Fox! She's HOT!

Preferred type of underwear?

I only wear thongs or g strings. Your clothes just look better when you can't see the panty lines.

What is the most creative thing a guy has said or done to approach you?

I seem to get the LAME-IST [sic] people approaching me! I HATE pick up lines and it bothers me that guys still try to use them. I love a man with confidence, so if a man approaches me like he is not threatened by me he may be able to have a chance. Confidence is key fellas!

^ Good luck doggies, I know she's waiting for y'all. LOL.

5. "STFU" Honors

Doggies, it is that time, you know it, I know it and a lot of the other doggies know it, your favorite and least favorite "celebrities" gotta get exposed. Why? Well, sometimes you have to be punished for saying dumb a** remarks and this week we got Lil Wayne's ex-wifey trying to get her pen game on, watch Kanye West's b*tcha**ness reach an all-time high, try to understand why the H*LL Soulja Boy is talking about something he shouldn't, peep R. Kelly making a d*mn fool of himself and then shake our heads at Gloria Velez still being salty at Nicki Minaj. SMFH......doggies, it's "SHUT THE F*CK UP" Honors.

1. Antonia Carter

Toya CarterLil Wayne

"That relationship has brought me a lot of love and a lot of pain."

2. Kanye West

Kanye WestKanye West

"You know what's so bugged?" he said. "I had a friend that didn't realize I produced the last Jay-Z album. Because I'm such a notorious pop character, such a hated guy, or a loved guy, controversial or whatever it is, that people kind of forget that I sit and work hard as hell on beats. I listened to CDs for three days to find the 'Live Fast Die Young' sample, which was 'If This World Were Mine' flipped by the Bar-Kays. And I loved the sample so much that I played it for two days. Just over and over and over, and I thought about it and said, 'Claps. I want handclaps to go with this sample. That's what I need to juxtapose it and not make it just some takeoff of a '94 hip-hop song, but to make it a 2010, 2011, 2012 futuristic version of itself.' And I started the claps and put the 'hey, hey, hey' and the drums, and I just programmed it. It's kind of important for people to realize I'm a producer also."

3. Soulja Boy Tell Em

50 Cent & Soulja BoyRun DMC

"My whole thoughts on it is rest in peace Jam Master Jay," said the Atlanta-based MC. "You know, I've been taking a lot of advice from 50 [Cent]--me and 50 been in the studio working on my album--and I know 50 came up under Jam Master Jay. He brought 50 in the game, so you know I can't say nothing but my respect to him, and I know he did a lot for hip-hop...When I talk to dudes like 50 Cent, and we're working on songs or other business outside of music industry, it's always things that you can learn. You always think you know it all, but you don't."

4. R. Kelly

R. KellyJay-Z, The Notorious B.I.G. & Tupac

"Well 'I Wish' was basically about Tupac at first. I met Tupac in L.A.- the [Hotel Nikko], and he was rolling by in his drop-top whatever hot car. I seen him, and I yelled out, "'Pac! 'Pac!" He was driving by, rolling by himself. I'm like, 'This n*gga got a lot of balls to be rolling by hisself!" So we kicked it for a minute, I said "Dude, we need to do an album." See, The Best Of Both Worlds was for me and Pac at first. "I Wish" was gonna be the first song we were gonna do."

5. Gloria Velez

Gloria-Velez-2010-05-06-300x300.jpgNicki Minaj (Name Change)

"I've been a CIA agent--that was last year--I've been a maid, I've been a soul angel, I've been everything... they need new costumes. I love dressing up. This year, I dunno what I'm going to be yet I gotta go shopping. Something sexy, of course...Or, maybe I could be Nicki Minaj [Laughs]. All I gotta do is bat my eyes and I gotta get the fake butt. Maybe I should do that just for the fun, for the f*ck of it, right? Which one, the pink wig or the green wig? Oh, my God, that's hilarious."

***Doggies, it's f*cking NOVEMBER! D*mn, I still can't believe it. Before you know it we'll be b*tching and moaning about Nicki Minaj's album sales, Lloyd Banks' surprisingly high-low sold CDs and why Kanye West will always be known for having the baddest b*tches in this game. LOL. But going back to my key points, doggies, Minaj is dope as h*ll but until she can't keep sh*t funky and real about how she feels about Kim, she doesn't get my respect. Enjoy your weekend doggies and no nude Kanye West pics, no problem! LOL! -BB***

[Editor's Note: The views expressed in this column do not necessarily reflect those of SOHH]

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