Pulse Report: 50 Cent Infected With Jungle Fever, Lupe Fiasco & Nas Cry Babies, Yung Gets Berglarized - AGAIN

Friday, Oct 8, 2010 4:30PM

Written by Bulldog Butterworth

In this week's Pulse Report, doggies, we diagnose 50 Cent's jungle fever, see what Lupe Fiasco and Nas are crying about, witness Yung Berg's victimization and oh SOHH much more!

1. Zebra Cakes

LMFAO!!! Doggies, not trying to be on the funny sh*t, but did I ever tell y'all that I think 5-0 Cent is secretly the "friendly" rapper? Think about it, has he ever really been in a relationship or even seemed like he gets caught in big sex scandals, have some Kat Stacks type b*tches on the Internet screaming foul about stuff he's done in the past or even make you think there is a sex tape out there with him and some other woman? SMFH. There is nothing wrong with it, doggies, just saying, I wouldn't be surprised if this doggy wasn't interested in pussy....cats anymore. LOL. Well, shoot my a** sideways b/c let's see what popped off this week. 5-0 getting hot and heavy on a date....in New Orleans? Oh sh*t.

50 Cent and Chelsea Handler went to a bar in New Orleans last night ... and by the way they got up close and personal with each other, they gave some serious credibility to those dating rumors. TMZ has obtained a photo of the two of them at the Blue Nile jazz bar in New Orleans -- and one spy inside the joint tells us they were getting very hot and heavy with each other. But before 50 got cozy with Chelsea, dude knocked out a live freestyle set with a local band at the club.

Turns out there is more to this story. Not only is 5-0 and Chelsea being spotted together not that big of a shocker, but he's been talking about this chick since the past few months. SMFH. D*mn, guess after Vivica and Ciara, 5-0 started believing "Once you go white, you always go right." LOL.

50 CentChelsea Handler

"I think @chelseahandler is beautiful I wanta see what that dog lookin at on her page," Fifty previously tweeted in reference to Chelsea's dog Chunk, who is seen looking up her skirt on the cover of her New York Times bestseller Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang. The smitten rapper even performed "Best Friend," whose lyrics could have been directed at his new lady friend. "If I was your best friend, I'd want you 'round all the time," he rapped with a live band.

^ Personally? I think at this point it is bullsh*t, right? Even with that horrible a** rapping/singing he was doing with her screaming in the background, there's no way he is trying to lay his pipe game on this chick, right doggies? Or.....wrong, doggies?

Chelsea Handler & 50 Cent

No joke: Chelsea Handler and 50 Cent are dating, a source confirms to UsMagazine.com. The unexpected pair were photographed looking romantic at a New Orleans bar on Sunday. "It's been going on awhile," the source says of the comedienne and the rapper, both 35. "It's more of a hookup thing -- whenever they are in the same town." 50 Cent's rep had no comment. A rep for the Chelsea Lately host tells Us, "She saves all her comments for her own show."

^ Now if this were a Media Take Out source, yeah, sh*t would be suspect as h*ll, but d*mn, UsMagazine, aren't they as reliable as People or Essence? I still don't get the whole "hook-up" thing. Like, does that mean they just play dress-up or is this doggy out with her on the regular? Well, being that I know this has to be certified bullsh*t, I figure 5-0 would laugh his a** off and downplay the whole thing or maybe even go to the extreme with some "...that b*tch p*ssy was hot as h*ll!!!......" tweets, but turns out......I was wrong again:

With everyone talking about his new rumored romance, 50 Cent took refuge where everyone goes to avoid the spotlight -- Mr. Chow in Bev Hills -- and then dropped a huge clue about Chelsea Handler. As TMZ first reported, the two got reeeeeally up close and personal at a bar in New Orleans this weekend -- but yesterday, when photogs asked about the hook-up, dude cracked a huge, mysterious smile. They're totally together, right??

^ Hmmmm............WTF? This doggy seems quiet as h*ll, not even trying to entertain the paps. Could it be, well, what if.......nah, LOL, Chelsea makes sure to let all y'all know she doesn't bow down but maybe to an entourage of rappers' d**ks. LOL.

"Everyone, calm down. I met with Mr. Cent about a potential project. There's nothing to report yet, ill let you know if there is.," Handler tweeted Wednesday (October 6).

^ Actually, I take everything back, if she was going to 5-0 about a "potential project," then she has DEFINITELY got to be f*cking doggy, no one does business with this doggy anymore. LOL. But on a serious note, doggies, there isn't anything wrong with 5-0 and Chelsea being a couple if that's the case. Personally, I think 5-0 doesn't have a taste in women these days but to each's own. Most of y'all think I'm secretly obssessed with doggy b/c I air his a** out at any given moment, well, to all of y'all, I'd like to introduce two other doggies that will get that honor today.....

2. Public Service Announcement

Doggies, there are only so many times a doggy can be placed in "SHUT THE F*CK UP" Honors before he/she is either banned or made into a mockery, i.e. 5-0 Cent. So it hurts me to put two lyrical beasts in something even worse. A highlighted post in Pulse Report. The two violators? Lupe Fiasco and Nas. F*ck. We respect the sh*t that both of them have provided for the game, I mean, Nas will never lose his place in rap history, no matter how many dumb a** and bogus decisions he makes. Lupe? Come on, this doggy made a song about skateboarding the hottest sh*t in summer 2006. WTF? But, much like all doggies who have a major positive to their resume, there always comes the b*tch a** ness effect. Complaining. It's one thing to handle sh*t in a behind-the-scenes manner, but airing out your dirty laundry in the public? SMFH. Lupe, you first.

Lupe said Atlantic wanted him to sign a contract that would give them 25% of anything he makes from shows or deals with other companies like Nike or whatever. (Sean's note: That's a 360 deal) He told them NO so they threatened him by not pushing any of his new songs on the radio or giving him money to make the videos (the I'm Beamin' video came out of his own pocket). Also they basically don't like his music or the way Lupe put it 'They think I'm whack'. So Atlantic sent him hooks they wanted him to do. He recorded them and sent them back but they didn't like them anymore and tried to have him change the hooks like 60 different times. In the end he had enough.

^ I get, honestly, I really do doggies. Sure, you want to kick some knowledge to the future generations, right? This is like when Stephon Marbury wouldn't suit up b/c Mike D'Antoni would likely not play him over their Knicks contract issues or whatever the case was, but come the f*ck on. You DO NOT air your sh*t out, no matter how polite or proper your approach is, you just don't. Now if you want to go the straight ignorant way out? Peep the little homey Na-"z."

NasDef Jam

Peace to all, With all do respect to you all, Nas is NOBODY's slave. This is not the 1800?s, respect me and I will respect you.

I won't even tap dance around in an email, I will get right into it. People connect to the Artist @ the end of the day, they don't connect with the executives. Honestly, nobody even cares what label puts out a great record, they care about who recorded it. Yet time and time again its the executives who always stand in the way of a creative artist's dream and aspirations. You don't help draw the truth from my deepest and most inner soul, you don't even do a great job @ selling it. The #1 problem with DEF JAM is pretty simple and obvious, the executives think they are the stars. You aren't.... not even close. As a matter of fact, you wish you were, but it didn't work out so you took a desk job. To the consumer, I COME FIRST. Stop trying to deprive them! I have a fan base that dies for my music and a RAP label that doesn't understand RAP. Pretty fucked up situation.

This isn't the 90?s though. Beefing with record labels is so 15 years ago. @ this point I just need you all to be very clear where I stand and how I feel about "my label." I could go on twitter or hot 97 tomorrow and get 100,000 protesters @ your building but I choose to walk my own path my own way because since day one I have been my own man. I did business with Tommy Mottola and Donnie Einer, two of the most psycho dudes this business ever created. I worked well with them for one major reason....... they believed in me. The didn't give a fuck about what any radio station or magazine said....those dudes had me.

Lost Tapes is a movement and a very important set up piece for my career as it stands. I started this over 5 years ago @ Columbia and nobody knew what it was or what it did but the label put it out as an LP and the fans went crazy for it and I single handlely built a new brand of rap albums. It's smart and after 5 years it's still a head of the game. This feels great and you not feeling what I'm feeling is disturbing. Don't get in the way of my creativity. We are aligned with the stars here, this is a movement. There is a thing called KARMA that comes to haunt you when you tamper with the aligning stars. WE ARE GIVING THE PEOPLE EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANT. Stop throwing dog shit on a MAGICAL moment.

You don't get another Nas recording that doesn't count against my deal....PERIOD! Keep your bullshit $200,000.00 fund. Open the REAL budget. This is a New York pioneers ALBUM, there ain't many of us. I am ready to drop in the 4th quarter. You don't even have shit coming out! Stop being your own worst enemy. Let's get money! -N.Jones

^ No. F*cking. Comment. Doggies.

3. The Hoax

Is it just me, doggies, or do y'all smell a scent of f*ckery in this whole Yung Berg and "Rowdy-T" robbery? SMFH. First off, have y'all even heard how this Rowdy-T doggy talks? LMFAO!!! I mean, "There may be a blo-ody batt-le here, chaps." I couldn't even watch this whole beef/robbery/foolery take place without a bowl of popcorn and just jaw-dropping laughing. I mean, let's be honest doggies, over the past few months we've a fiasco that's pretty much been centered on Brian Pumper, Kat Stacks and Soulja Boy, right? Guess Yung Berg thought it was time to get some camera shine too. LOL. We'll start from square one when it turns out that Batman took a cross Atlantic trip to Europe. LOL!!!

In a YouTube video -- which, in this case, serves as a new age press release, as well as incriminating evidence -- Rowdy-T taunts Yung Berg while going on about how North London blokes aren't to be taken lightly. T shouts out real MCs like D-Block and Gucci Mane, and manages to ask, "What the f--- is a Yung Berg?" Brandishing the chain he supposedly relieved Yung Berg of, Rowdy also makes sure to announce the best way to reach him for an interview is via his managers. The two-minute diatribe is followed by his song 'Gangsta Music."

^ LMFAO!!!!!! Doggies, did this fool really say "Kool G Rap, Gucci Mane." SMFH. He is a d*mn fool for that to think he can watch BET's 106 & Park and think he knows who's real, who's fake. SMFH. I won't lie though, his video was funny as h*ll and even had me thinking that Berg may have really got "Berglarized." LOL! But get the h*ll out of here, "if you want to interview me, call my managers." LOL!!!! The funniest thing though was Berg trying to downplay the whole incident, right?

Yung Berg ChainYung Berg

"This Batman chain is not important to me. I got chains...The biggest issue for me was that I gave away to charity, to a kid that loves Batman," -Berg

^ SMFH. Now here is where sh*t gets a little bit interesting. Either this "Rowdy" doggy has too much f*cking free time on his hands or else he's just waiting for a chance to put out a response.

"I heard your little interview on the radio station today, which was ridiculous. You said that this chain was going to be given to a 10-year-old for charity case, that's the only reason you're pissed off about it. Come on now, come on," Rowdy-T calmly stated. "You got stuck. You're going to give this to a 10-year-old boy for what, so he can get robbed and stuck up everyday like you? I know you been on the phone, I know you told the FBI. They contact my people and start harassing people. That's not how gangsters do business, tell the truth man. Stop being on the b**ch a** level and come see me."

^ SMFH. Yes doggies, it's true. That bullsh*t quote WILL BE FEATURED in "STFU" Honors. SMFH. Now here is where I start really questioning what's authentic about the situation. Doggy is saying Berg is calling the Feds about his chain, right? Didn't some rappers get their sh*t snatched a few years back, or nah, it was Soulja Boy and the robbers put on masks and did videos, right? So why the h*ll does "Rowdy-T" think he can stir a buzz by incriminating himself? SMFH. This is Dumb A**ology 101 right here. I mean, come the h*ll on. But the topping on the cake comes courtesy of Yung Berg. Doggies, after this quote right here, you'll see why this has GOT to be a f*cking hoax.

Yung Berg (Batman Chain)Yung Berg & Rowdy T

"Nothing has been taken from me that has any real value to me. Unless they take my vocal chords, my ability to make a beat, or hum a melody than I feel like I haven't lost anything. Anything that's materialistic I can get back...I don't even want to talk about that because this shall pass, too. My music is what is going to stick around, and I don't want anything to take the focus off that. As far as anything else, I'm just not going to talk about it because people are going to believe whatever they want. I don't get into the WWF side of things. I'm trying to be like Smokey Robinson with a catalog of hit records. I can't be worried about what goes on Internet sites. That doesn't generate any money for me."

^ LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!! Bullsh*t to the fullest. Doggies, no need in addressing this further. No shots at Berg, but come the h*ll on, is this what you really have come down to? SMFH. Get this pup a doggy bag, doggies.

4. Mrs. Butterworth: Tehmeena

Welcome once again, doggies, to the best section in all of Pulse Report, if I may say so myself. LOL. Looks like there were a few mixed reactions from Francoise Boufhal so let's try to re-amp things with a new addition to the collection, Tehmeena. Now if y'all want to know how to pronounce her name, doggies, then add an extra tab to your Internet Explorer page and hit me back. LOL. At this point, do y'all even CARE how to spell these girls' names let alone their proper pronunciation? When I look at Tehmeena, I think Slumdog Millionaire meets Meadow off "Sopranos" meets KING Magazine so kick back, relax and enjoy this week's Mrs. Butterworth:

TehmeenaTehmeena

TehmeenaTehmeena

TehmeenaTehmeena

^ D*mn!!! Now look, doggies, I KNOW that I normally teased y'all with 1, SOMETIMES 2 videos at best, right? Well, I am actually taking more time in choosing these Mrs. Butterworths and trying to find a selection that has a lot more, errrr, "VISUALS" and more information on them. LOL. Therefore, rock out with your socks out courtesy of these clips:

VBLAZIN Meets Tehmeena from Vic on Vimeo.

Tehmeena Coming soon to VBLAZIN from Vic on Vimeo.

Look who's Coming soon to VB! from Vic on Vimeo.

^ SMFH. All praises due out to King Magazine for their banging a** feature on Tehmeena Afzal!!!

5. "STFU" Honors

LOL!!! Doggies, we have a good line-up for this week's "Shut The F*ck Up" Honors. We first admire a doggy that calls himself a go-getter but looks shadier than a crooked politician, laugh our a**ses at a Wacka rapper, ponder what the h*ll an irrelevant rapper is saying, try to take a "Bergler" serious and then laugh our a**ses to the BANKS. Doggies, you already know what time it is!

1. Wyclef Jean

WyclefBarack Obama

"I'm not a quitter, and the most important thing for me is, I think, to move Haiti forward, it's gonna take modern thinking. So, if all goes well, I plan to definitely come back in five years and give it another shot."

2. Waka Flocka Flame

Waka Flocka FlameWacka Flocka Flame (Flockavelli)

"And number five, the biggest reason y'all should go out and buy my album? I stepped my bars up a little bit. For the people that are like, "He ain't talking about nothing," I had to make sure I stepped it up a little bit. I bet some of y'all are gonna say, "D*mn, I know he stepped it up a little bit." Guaranteed."

3. Skillz

SkillzLady Gaga & 50 Cent

""In this day and age, we're letting motherf*ckers who have no talent, who have no skill level and have no passion about anything get famous," Skillz added. "This year, in this decade, it's the best for the non-talented motherf*cker. There's so many non-talented motherf*ckers in the game right now. There's always been non-talented motherf*ckers in the game, but it's non-talented motherf*ckers that's in the game that's women and that's the sh*t that kills me. Like, these motherf*ckers is women? They actually have a career for doing what? Some of this sh*t we let slide, it's killing me. Like, Lady Gaga wears a dress made of raw meat and people call that fashion? That's fashion? Seriously. That's what we've come to? I'm f*cked up. I'm in the wrong game."

4. Yung Berg/Rowdy-T

Yung Berg & Rowdy TYung Berg

"I heard your little interview on the radio station today, which was ridiculous. You said that this chain was going to be given to a 10-year-old for charity case, that's the only reason you're pissed off about it. Come on now, come on," Rowdy-T calmly stated. "You got stuck. You're going to give this to a 10-year-old boy for what, so he can get robbed and stuck up everyday like you? I know you been on the phone, I know you told the FBI. They contact my people and start harassing people. That's not how gangsters do business, tell the truth man. Stop being on the b**ch a** level and come see me."

5. Lloyd Banks

Game & Lloyd BanksGame And G-Unit

"I mean, if everything's gravy, you wouldn't hear those possibilities come up. If everything was going on, and platinum albums and selling them on their own and all that sh*t, the last thing you would hear is a peace treaty...It's only so long you can stand off the hype of somebody else. That's like the whole thing when everybody was saying G-Unit this, G-Unit that, G-Unit ain't relevant. How the f*ck does somebody tell you that. You're not supposed to hear that. If you heard that I'm not relevant, that means I'm well, live, relevant. They're talking about me..."

^ G-Unit is NOT relevant, Banks. Just you.

***D*mn, that's a wrap doggies. It's cold as h*ll around my area, so much for the hot a** summer, huh? Remember what I said up above, Nas and Lupe Fiasco definitely got my respect at the end of the day, but the bullsh*t that got played out? And yeah, I realize that Nas' sh*t was via e-mail, but in 2010, he should know and I think he DOES know that blasting out an e-mail to Def Jam executives will "somehow, some way" get your message heard. SMFH. And don't believe the bullsh*t, I'm sure there will be some kinds of denials on this, but I believe it. As far as 5-0 and Chelsea, y'all already know my thoughts on one of their's sexual orientation. Yung Berg? LMFAO. Enjoy y'all's weekend, doggies! -BB***

[Editor's Note: The views expressed in this column do not necessarily reflect those of SOHH]

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