Pulse Report: Fabolous Bodies A Porn Star, 50 Cent Destructs Twitter, Soulja Boy Has The Sniffles
Friday, Aug 27, 2010 11:25PM
In this week's Pulse Report, doggies, we got big things popping with Fabolous bodying a rapping porn star, 50 Cent losing it all over Twitter, Soulja Boy blowing his career away -literally, and oh SOHH much more!
1. Pumper It Up
D*mn doggies, before we even get all this started, let's just call it for what it was this week.....PRETTY D*MN INSANE! I mean, yeah, Diddy and Black Rob having problems was a "shocker" and of course Nicki Minaj's wild a** was everywhere, but the amount of Pulse Report-related bullsh*t that was taking place? PRICELESS. So let's get it started up with that chipped tooth Brooklyn kid going after............
Lloyd Banks Brian Pumper???
#InOtherNews I jus got word Brian Pumper sayin I'm scared of him too.. "You know u done f*cked right" *Cop from Menace 2 Society voice*
#BrianPumperJewels are the same jewels they used 4 the hamsters in those Scion commercials
Those brown dots on Montana Fishburne a** wasn't pimples.. It's RUST drippin from #BrianPumperJewels while he hit it from the back!
Yo #BrianPumperJewels disqualifies him from being a REAL N*GGA!!
My jewels come in jewelry boxes & watch cases..#BrianPumperJewels come in Happy Meals & Cereal Boxes!!
One time my Jeweler Punk'd me.. He brought me#BrianPumperJewels *I was about to wild the f*ck out!!!*
@officialBPumper should change his name to F.A.B. too.. Stands for Fake A** #BrianPumperJewels
Like PAC said its not about East or West.. its about n*ggas & b*tches, power & money, real jewels & #BrianPumperJewels. Which side r u on?
^ LMFAO!!! But I can't front doggies, if this is the hardest Loso is going to go on There Is No Competition 2: Grieving Music, I'll fall the f*ck back and cop it from my BX connect, 2 for $5. SMH. Anyway, who would have thought a few months ago Kat Stacks would make it popular for rappers to start talking sh*t at "adult stars." LOL! For all of y'all that don't know who doggy is referring to, peep his profile:
And just for the fun of it, even Juelz Santana got in on the dissing!
A! LMAO NO HOMO how u tell another n*gga "he ant packing no meet"super HOMO This B.pumper n*gga is outta control#killyaself fucking weirdo
^ LMFAO!!!!!!!!! D*mn. That's rough. But not to leave y'all hanging. *PAUSE* Let's at least show how Pumper pumped back at these doggies.
#FabScaredLike his lights jus went out on his jackethttp://twitpic.com/2ialr0
^ LOL! D*mn, this doggy SHOULD get signed to G-Unit....but that's another Pulse Report right there. LOL. Bottom line doggies, don't get caught up in the bullsh*t. Fab's punch lines were semi-funny, Juelz Santana kept sh*t real and Pumper, well, d*mn, Pumper shouldn't quit his day job. SMFH.............
2. A Day In The Life
Y'all know I have stopped calling 5-0 Cent, ummm, 5-0 Cent, right? From now on, he will be known as "50 Cent." ................. LMFAO!!! D*mn, sorry doggies, I couldn't hold it in any longer. Guess doggy decided to skip out on talking about how his $$$ ain't stretching out like it used to since he got kicked the f*ck out of the Top 10 in Forbes Cash Kings list, but even better, doing what he has done ever since 2004, 5-0 is back to trying to do whatever is "hot" at the moment and cash-in off of it? His latest swagger jacking victim? Kanye West. Just a month after Kanye West got sh*t popping everywhere with his Twitter account, turns out 5-0 wants to "suddenly" start tweeting and say wild sh*t off the wall, right? SMFH....well doggies, it worked b/c now we are going to look at his crazy a** tweets that he posted from Thursday to Friday and try to put a face with the tweet. SMFH.....keep in mind, this doggy did over 100 tweets, so these are the "Best of's" doggies:
I was kicking it wit swiss last night That nigga happy he got alicia keysHe was smiling and shit That nigga showed me all his teeth
Soulja Boy my little nigga They just cought him snowmobiling. Its cool. I got a nigga dat a handle dat kat stacks Bitch for him right quick
If your a rapper and you sold 5,000 cds Ya fat and turn 44 years old you might want Get prostate checked and your colon cleanse My advice
I need beats for my new album Send to @email@example.com
Don't send me no fuckin wack beats man Dats why my last cd didn't do right lol I should kill every producer on da last cd
You motherfuckers don't like me Say somthing now You fuck boys no I run da southI kill nigga I kill
You know one day I might wanna run for president like wyclef I must stop using such profanity. Then again fuck that
I think @TonyYayo done stole money out my pocket dam cant trust nobody ima find me a hot bitch and leave all these niggas like j did da roc
^ SMFH. It's over.
3. Stacks On Deck
Right now, doggies, I don't know what could be worse. The fact that Soulja Boy could possibly be a coke head or the fact that he probably had unprotected sex with Kat Stacks. SMFH. Wait, y'all didn't see this sh*t yet?
"What up y'all, this Kat Stacks b*tch," Stacks said in a bathrobe recording herself. "Can't really speak loud right now because Soulja Boy's in the shower. Anyway though, I'm here at the motherf*cking hotel, at the Intercontinental Buckhead in Atlanta right across the street from Soulja Boy's condo. Anyway, I been here kicking it with this motherf*cker. Yo, this motherf*cker is a motherf*cking coke head. This motherf*cker's been doing dope all motherf*cking day. That's why n*gga can't f*ck me right. I f*cked this n*gga three times. The first two times he came in five seconds, the third time he couldn't get hard and the n*gga still came. This n*gga's a motherf*cking coke head yo. Yo, check this out yo. Look at this sh*t man, this n*gga's a motherf*cking coke head yo. It's funny as h*ll."
^ LMFAO!!!!!!!!!! The fact that @sohhdotcom covered this sh*t is funny by itself but I guess I can respect the coke angle. SMFH. This doggy is what, 20 years-old and he's got the sniffles for that white powder ALREADY? D*mn. Even though doggy seems like he's going to get some support from 5-0, I was still shocked to see Fabolous go in HARD on this doggy.
"I jus watched a worldstarhiphop video that should be titled "Stupid Boy Swag"," he tweeted Tuesday (August 24) night.
"Lettin Kat Stacks in ur hotel room alone is #StupidBoySwag.. *All u rappers pay attention, that right there is called#StupidBoySwag* AYYYY"
"Get out the wayyyyyyyy....stupid boy comin thru....#StupidBoySwag"
"Stacks on deck, Kat Stacks on bed, Camera on record, Coke on dresser... #StupidBoySwag."
SMFH..............really, doggies? LOL. So yeah, Soulja Boy is kinda denying the whole cocaine sh*t but the thing that got me thinking was this tweet right here:
KEEP A LOOK OUT FOR MY PREGNANCY TEST CAUSE @SOULJABOY DUMBA** AINT USE A CONDOM 3 TIMES
^ Seriously? We'll stop right here. Now I know this Stacks is on some Tila Tequila bullsh*t. Pregnancy rumors? SMFH. We'll leave it right here doggies. Bottom line, at this point it is nothing more than bullsh*t. Soulja Boy's album has been pushed back more times than Game's R.E.D. sh*t and with his buzz low, seems like Kat Stacks was the perfect ticket to get the sites talking. Even better, faking like there is a "chance" he might be doing cocaine. SMFH. F*ck outta here with that bogus a** attempt of a publicity stunt.
4. Mrs. Butterworth: Shakur
Every once in a while doggies, we're gonna have to face the music. I can't possibly have the LATEST and GREATEST Mrs. Butterworth featured in here but trust me, when I tell you that a sweet thing like Shakur could have photos dated back to 2002 and STILL be featured, I ain't lying. Not sure when these were taken but you cannot deny greatness and beauty. Feast your eyes on the shorty that made Rosa Acosta look like a Honda Accord, I present to y'all perverted a** doggies this week's Mrs. Butterworth.....SHAKUR:
..................y'all doggies need more?
5. "STFU" Honors
Even though I bullsh*t with you doggies here and in the Cap Diss every week, let's just say......right here.....NO BODY GETS AWAY WITH TALKING DUMB! LOL. Seriously doggies, if you ever spot your favorite artist featured in this section, you should highly consider finding a replacement or maybe de-friending them on Myspace/Facebook. LOL. This week? Classic sh*t. In one corner, we have a deported rapper thinking he is the gangster Jesus, anyone, pick one......then we get a fat rapper scared of a f*cking gecko. SMH......not satisfied? Well, let's try an Amber Rose bootleg, one of the biggest lies ever said by a rapper who can't rap and possibly the most uncomfortable RIP tribute letter EVER WRITTEN....doggies, you know what time it is......drum roll please? "SHUT THE F*CK UP!!!!" Honors is in full effect!
"I don't let goons take advantage of a square," Shyne explained in an interview. "I'm just that type of dude. What's right is what's right. It's like, I don't have a problem with a civilian calling the police when somebody breaks into her crib, a mother saying, 'Listen man, they got my baby boy.' But when a dude get in the booth and he's talking about the life that me and my partners lived, and he's promoting that, but when real life happens he wants to be a civilian -- be what you be. If you ain't where we from or do what we do, then be that. I love Kanye [West], I love Kid Cudi and all these kids talking that truth they know. That's their truth. But when a dude gets in that booth and he talks about truth, he testifies, or he's working for law enforcement -- he saying this sh*t's a hundred, putting it in, but when it comes time, he talking to the cops..."
"Through the permits, it's so hard to get the right permits and all that," Joe said about building his Florida home years ago. "So it's built, it's beautiful and I love it. [I'm selling it] because we want to move closer to the beach and we come from New York. I've lived close to a beach in Miami for like 10 years and then this suburban life, I thought I really wanted to be in the suburbs but you know, it's frogs, it's lizards, it's sh*t I've never seen in my life. Possums look like wolves and sh*t, I got them lights in case the burglar come and every day a f*cking raccoon comes through the back and sh*t lights up and I'm ready to grab for that thing and it's fall. We like to party and it's like 40 minutes away from the party and out there they catch you drinking and driving. But the house is gorgeous man and for the record, there's no mortgage on the house. My house is paid for. I spent close to $4 million on that house out of pocket. So I don't know the rumors about why I'm selling it."
"I'd like to be able to come out in jeans and slippers. The world has seen all my crazy antics, so now I'm ready to be a regular person...I like to experiment with hair and makeup, so maybe I'll just shave my whole hair bald."
"There's an off perception that needs to be addressed about me that I have ever robbed somebody or mistreated somebody. Or tried to be ruthless or whatever in this game. Like, all this year I've heard people say, 'Where's Carl Thomas, where's Black Rob, where's G.Dep? Where are these artists?' And for some reason they go ahead and equate that, cause those artists aren't with me, that I've done something wrong or malicious or conniving. It's something that I do have a problem with because they don't have no proof that I've ever done nothing like that."
"I've never lost a parent, a friend, or a lover but I will never forget this day for the rest of my life. I remember getting the news that you had passed and it connected with my heart like a clean shot from Muhammad Ali. I was crushed. Not only was I one of your biggest fans but I was truly in love with you. I loved the way you carried yourself, the way you dressed, the confidence with which you addressed passion and relationships in your music. I said to myself that even if we never met, I wanted a woman in my life just like you. I am pained that we will never get to connect now that music ended up being my career path. But you should know, we all listen to you everyday and we remain inspired and moved by all that you've given the world. I hope I make the right life choices so I can end up in heaven where I know you rest your head. I'll continue to make music in your honor until the day we finally meet. Dinner's on me!"
***SMFH!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!! D*mn doggies, this time next week we'll already have sh*t cracked and opened wider than Montana Fishburne going into September, huh? LOL. Well, even though the summer doesn't come to an end until September 21st, sh*t is FINALLY heating up....in a good way! With the Twitter bullsh*t antics starting up, Kat Stacks' ugly a** grill back to putting rappers on blast probably at their own d*mn request and well, sh*t, a whole bunch of other things popping. Just something random, but why the h*ll are all the GOOD albums dropping in November? We got Lloyd Banks, Nicki Minaj AND Kanye West not putting sh*t out til then??? I was going to mention my doggy J. Cole but I think his sh*t is getting pushed to December. D*mn. No disrespect doggies but no one is checking for T.I. or Young Jeezy. F*ck it, we'll see how sh*t rolls. Enjoy the weekend doggies. F*ck a bathtub, I'm headed to the neighborhood pool today! --BB***
[Editor's Note: The views expressed in this column do not necessarily reflect those of SOHH]