Pulse Report: 50 Cent Cracks A Brazilian Nut, Christina Milian Still Dreaming, Lil Wayne Gone Til' November

Friday, Jul 16, 2010 11:40AM

Written by Bulldog Butterworth

In this week's Pulse Report, doggies, we're gonna take that a** back seven days and look at 50 Cent getting bodied in Brazil, find out why Christina Milian is still Dreaming, calculate how the h*ll Lil Wayne is coming home this November and oh SOHH much more!

[Editor's Note: The views of this column do not necessarily reflect those of SOHH.com]

1. I Get It

LMFAO. D*mn, 5-0 Cent, I must admit, when it comes to karma, your a** really has things coming to you. Now before I rush and put this HILARIOUS A** footage of 5-0 getting bodied in Brazil, let me first remind doggies that this is not the first time that this doggy has been getting sonned on stage. LOL. Let's see, there was the time he got his chain snatched in Angola. Then I think @sohhdotcom posted some sh*t about him getting ran up on in Nigeria, but NOW this? LMFAO.

Although 50 Cent's been in recent headlines for his verbal assaults on Diddy, it looks like the tables have turned now that a crazed fan tried to physically attack him in Brazil. 50 Cent was performing a concert in Salvador, Bahia when a fan suddenly rushed the stage and grabbed him from behind. The fan's moment of glory was short lived however after Fif's security jumped to his rescue, grabbing the man and escorting him off stage, punching and kicking him in the process.

^ LMFAO!!! ".....a crazed fan tried to physically attack him....." LMFAO. D*mn, 5-0, I'm sure Jay-Z, Diddy and Kanye West all have that same problem, huh? LMFAO. The funny sh*t about this is that 5-0 is so played out that a "rival" won't even bother making fun of his a**. It's kinda like the bully in middle school that everyone is shook of but then y'all go to high school and realize his a** is stuck in the same grade or in that back boiler room for the next five years as you're getting some getting some in college. LOL. Turn the table and of course y'all would have seen ThisIs5-0 posting clips of Fat Joe or Rick Ross getting ran up on and then would have put up a viral campaign for the sh*t, too. SMFH. Anyway, just to make sure his big doggy's image doesn't get worse, Tony Yayo actually calls from overseas to clear the sh*t. LOL.

Tony Yayo & 50 CentTony Yayo & 50 Cent

"The show got crazy, man," Yayo said in a phone interview. "For security reasons, when somebody jumps onstage...when [performers] got on chains for $20,000, $30,000, $40,000, that's a security risk right here. Nobody should be onstage except me, Banks and 50. It was just a fan -- he got a little carried away, a little happy. People make it seem like he got beat down real, real bad. He didn't get beat down bad -- he just got tackled, taken off the stage and the show [went] on...We been getting crazy love. That's why I don't want people in Brazil to think we out here beating down our fans. When somebody is on the stage, you want to keep the show going. We never stop the show. When you onstage and you got a crowd of 10,000 Brazilian people, you don't want to stop it because a guy is jumping onstage. Just like Africa or other places you go, people get excited -- we're like UFOs to the people. They don't see rappers come to Brazil and come to these other places. Sometimes fans get a little excited -- that's what that was about. The guy wasn't beat up bad or nothing."

^ SMFH..........he's bullsh*tting, right? Flip the attention from 5-0 to the poor, defenseless fan? LOL.

50 Cent50 Cent

SMFH. Doesn't this remember y'all of....:

2. Keep Dreaming

D*mn doggies, y'all know I don't usually f*ck around with the R&B sh*t, but what the h*ll is going on with Christina Milian and The-Dream? LMFAO. Granted, I thought that was a sh*tty couple from the jump but to have a baby and then just split the sh*t like that? WTF? Just in case y'all haven't heard, Christina Milian and The-Dream are officially done with, finished and it just so happens that Dream got caught with another woman's a** in his hands before that statement got out, too. LOL:

The Dream & Christina MilianThe Dream (With New Chick)

The-Dream spent his weekend in the arms of a woman other than his wife Christina Milian. The singer-songwriter was seen getting friendly with a mystery woman on the beaches of the Caribbean without his wife or wedding ring. Milian, who gave birth to the couple's daughter Violet in February, didn't address the photos directly, but she did tweet earlier this morning: "WHATEVER YOU THINK.. BELIEVE IT." It wasn't long ago that The-Dream and Christina were spotted enjoying their own island vacation together.

^ SMFH. D*mn, Dream, word on the street is that Christina's toe game was kinda f*cked up but d*mn, to leave her for a semi-fat chick? WTF, doggy? Looking at that funny a** dome, no wonder he wears a f*cking Atlanta Braves fitted cap with sports jackets. LOL. After this sh*t got spread open, turned out a statement got pushed out and confirmed what was already clear as day:

Christina Milian and The-Dream have decided to separate, his rep confirms to UsMagazine.com. "Terius 'The-Dream' Nash is saddened to announce that his marriage to Christina Milian was unsuccessful. The couple reached this decision in late 2009, but decided to keep the news private in efforts to protect their baby daughter Violet. They ask for consideration and respect for their family moving forward," his rep tells Us.

SMFH. So after reading this sh*t, I decided to do some research and it's bad enough Milian is STILL wearing Dream's wedding ring so I figured let's take a look at what the h*ll is wrong with this girl by examining her past three relationships, maybe we can find a balance?

Nick Cannon (2003-2005)

Nick CannonNick-Cannon-Christina-Milian-2010-07-16-300x300.jpg

Milian met actor Nick Cannon on the set of their film, Love Don't Cost a Thing, in 2003, and they began dating. After being together for two and a half years, Milian ended her relationship with Cannon in 2005 when she found out he was cheating on her. Cannon revealed that he refused to stay faithful to Milian because their relationship was becoming too much like a "Christian romance".

^ Becoming too much like a "Christian romance," WTF? LMFAO. D*mn, Nick gave her an easy way out, there definitely was some awkward sh*t popping off there. D*mn.

Andre Lyon of Cool & Dre (2005-2009)

Cool & DreDre-Christina-Milian-2010-07-16-300x300.jpg

After the production of So Amazin' in 2006, Milian began dating Andre Lyon from the production group Cool & Dre. The pair dated until February 2009, when they decided to go on a break. Milian said that they were still really close, and decided to break up because it was "hard to grow together when you live on two different coasts". The singer wanted to take more opportunities and learn more about herself, which she often let go when in a relationship, but felt that she was in a now-or-never situation. Milian described Lyon as an amazing guy, and said that although there was a chance for the couple in the future, she needed to focus on herself.

^ SMFH. D*mn. You know she done f*cked up by leaving Dre, right?

The-Dream (2009-2009)

The DreamThe Dream & Christina Milian

In March 2009, Milian was photographed with The-Dream with a new blonde hairstyle. In late May 2009, it was reported that Milian and The-Dream were getting married, and the couple celebrated their engagement party in Las Vegas in June. On September 4, 2009, Milian and The-Dream eloped at the Little White Chapel in Las Vegas, Nevada. The-Dream said he was eager to start a family with Milian, saying, "you have to do your work -- then whenever she makes that time for herself, she'll make that time [to have a baby]. In the next couple of years, there'll be something around." MTV reported that Milian and The-Dream will get married again in Rome, Italy, and then renew their vows in the US in front of family and friends. On September 11, 2009, it was announced that Milian and The-Dream were expecting their first child together. The Daily Mail reported that "the pregnancy was a surprise, but they were getting married regardless". Milian said that although she was nervous about giving birth, "as long as Dream is right next to me, I'll be fine!". On February 26, 2010, Milian gave birth to their daughter Violet Madison Nash, who had "a full head of hair." Violet was Milian's first child, and the fourth for The-Dream, who had three children with ex-wife Nivea. In July 2010, The-Dream announced that he and Milian had separated in late 2009, only three months after their wedding in September of that year.

^ WTF? Well doggies, I guess there you have it. Out of all three of these doggies, Milian f*cked herself up going with The-Dream, I mean, d*mn, even being a doggy like myself, why the f*ck would you go with the short plump of fat, Milian? SMFH......you played yourself home girl and have no one to blame but yourself. SMFH.

3. Gone Til' November

Lil Wayne, d*mn. Can y'all believe this sh*t, he hasn't been gone but four months and now they're already saying this doggy is due out in November. LMFAO. Can't fake though, doggies, I am looking forward to hearing what the h*ll he's gonna be rapping about since getting out of the pen. Yeah, all the cafeteria fights, corrections officer disputes, cold dinners, cell block searches.....oh wait, I must have Wayne confused with a REAL inmate, SMFH:

"So I've been writing and let me be the first to tell you that the lyrics that I'm writing are... well there's no word that I can think of that properly defines them. Amazing would be too typical and perfect would be unfair. I listen to the radio sometimes, emphasis on sometimes, and I hear the new music. I like some. I applaud my Young Money family for what they're doing. As I'm not surprised. This is what we're supposed to do. Congrats to Drakeand Nicki for all their recent success. Those 2 are going to have me retiring early. I love my team. Much love to Tez and Mack. I know that people are inquisitive of what I do all day, so here goes. I wake up around 11AM. Have some coffee. Call my kids, and my wonderful mother. I then shower up. Read fan mail. Have lunch. Back on the phone. Read a book or write some thoughts down. Have dinner. Phone. Pushups. Then I listen to ESPN on the radio. Read the bible, then sleep. That's my day."

^ Did I just read what I think I read, doggies? This motherf*cker wakes up at 11 AM!?!??! And not only that, gets to have coffee and call his kids/mother? SMFH. I can't even type the rest of that laxed a** sh*t b/c it just takes away from my previous thoughts about him in the clink. WTF happened to jail duties, suicide prevention watch, f*cking a few CO's out of an autograph for their wives, etc.? SMFH. F*ck that, Wayne! Guess we should be glad he didn't lie to us like that Marvin, doggy:

SMFH. Well get your red markers out and circle that date in November, doggies, b/c it's looking pretty d*mn serious:

Lil Wayne is approximately halfway through his one-year jail sentence, which began March 8 when the superstar MC turned himself into authorities after reaching a plea deal. According to prison records accessed by MTV News, the rapper has a projected release date of November 4. Pending any violations or infractions for behavioral issues, the rapper is expected to see the light of day eight months after entering prison.

^ If they're saying November, I'm betting this doggy gets out even earlier to some halfway house sh*t or just good behavior. SMFH. Right or wrong, it'll be good to see this doggy coming home four months earlier, JUST IN TIME to save Nicki Minaj's album from flopping by adding on 20 guest features........y'all starting to wonder why she picked a far a** date in November? LOL.

4. Mrs. Butterworth's: Marisa Elise & Allain Victoria

D*mn, d*mn, d*mn doggies, how I f*cking love this newly added Pulse Report section. Now don't go off bullsh*ting in the comments or in your heads like this is not the BEST sh*t that I have introduced to y'all thus far. Now for everyone that f*cked around with Maria Allure last week, I ran into some trouble for this week's "Mrs. Butterworth." At first it was one and then, out of the f*cking blue, this banging a** dime popped up in my FaceBook account and so I HAD to double up like Ma$e minus the corny sh*t. So with no further ado, feast your eyes, doggies, on our two Butterworth's, beginning with Marisa Elise. Oh, and BIG A** shout-out to Blogxilla and Dynasty Series for putting us up on a juicy vixen. And yes, my cropping skills are bad as sh*t, I f*cking know:

Marisa EliseMarisa Elise

Marisa-Elise-3.jpgMarisa-Elise-4.jpg

Marisa-Elise-5.jpgMarisa-Elise-6.jpg

Still not impressed doggies? Well peep this video below to find out exactly WHY I ditched putting up that wack a** Dollicia Bryan KING photo shoot up for a healthy, thick girl, like Marisa Elise:

Between y'all and me, I stopped f*cking with XXL's "Eye Candy" back in 2006 when they had that bald headed model back before Amber Rose came out and had girls shaving their sh*t and we're not talking some punk a** Cassie semi-shave, either. BUTT that was up until this week when I got put on to this Allain Victoria piece of candy. D*mmmmmm, doggies.

Allain VictoriaAllain Victoria

Allain VictoriaAllain Victoria

Allain Victoria

Is she staying on the tip of y'all's tongues yet dogiges? If not, then go back to PerezHilton.com, this is the wolf territory, doggies!

SMH...........don't thank me now doggies and f*ck thanking me later, I already see y'all doggies smiling. Bulldog Butterworth Butters is on his sh*t!!!

5. "STFU" Honors

LMFAO. D*mn, it felt good to get back on track last week with some funny a** "STFU" honoring. But this week hit legendary status. How so y'all might be asking? Well sh*t, from Will.i.am talking greasier than 5-0 Cent in 2002 to Mashonda acting like she's not on her Love/Hate bullsh*t against Swizz Beatz to Tony Yayo talking about why 5-0 Cent gets "physical" love on stage, LMFAO, or how about Dollicia Bryan acting like she wouldn't sell a Bow Wow sextape faster than she can agree to some chump change KING cover if she could all the way to some author bringing Pac out from the dead over some bogus a** StarBucks up-all-night conspiracy theories....SMFH.......in other words doggies, tell 'em to "SHUT THE F*CK UP!!!"

1. Will.i.am

wiil i amRick Ross & Jay-Z

"If there's anyone that's the personification of hip-hop, I'm probably the most hip-hop n*gga out of all these hip-hop n*ggas. But hip-hop editorial and blogs and even some of the hip-hop fans don't see it that way, which is cool," he said in an interview. "I'm going to win. I'm going to win and win bigger than all these n*ggas are winning...Hip-Hop is limiting itself and that also goes for editorially. Magazines and websites are the gatekeepers of what people think hip-hop is, but they actually end up limiting what hip-hop can be."

2. Mashonda

Alicia Keys Vs. MashondaSwizz Beatz

"I hate that when [Swizz and Alicia Keys are] doing something I always come up. I can't wait for the day when we're both in our own worlds. I'm a separate person and just want my own identity...I do [keep our name]. I kept my last name for my son's sake, until I remarry. There's no need to rush to change it... that just complicates things for my son. That would be so petty of me. The only thing that could change [my last name] is a really good man."

3. Tony Yayo

Tony Yayo50 Cent

"The show got crazy, man," Yayo said in a phone interview. "For security reasons, when somebody jumps onstage...when [performers] got on chains for $20,000, $30,000, $40,000, that's a security risk right here. Nobody should be onstage except me, Banks and 50. It was just a fan -- he got a little carried away, a little happy. People make it seem like he got beat down real, real bad. He didn't get beat down bad -- he just got tackled, taken off the stage and the show [went] on...We been getting crazy love. That's why I don't want people in Brazil to think we out here beating down our fans. When somebody is on the stage, you want to keep the show going. We never stop the show. When you onstage and you got a crowd of 10,000 Brazilian people, you don't want to stop it because a guy is jumping onstage. Just like Africa or other places you go, people get excited -- we're like UFOs to the people. They don't see rappers come to Brazil and come to these other places. Sometimes fans get a little excited -- that's what that was about. The guy wasn't beat up bad or nothing."

4. Dollicia Bryan

Bow Wow & Dollicia BryanKim Kardashian

"Kim [Kardashian] is the Queen of media because she doesn't necessarily sing or act or anything of that nature. Yet she's always on the blogs, everyday...I can see the comparison; we have similar shaped bodies, very curvy. But we're two different women. I'm a mother, so I can never be famous for leaking a sex tape...I'm not knocking what she did; she really took the negative and made it into a positive. I'm just saying there's a huge difference between us. I'll stay the Queen of talent and acting, but as far as being the Queen of who I'm dating and being in the media all the time; she can stay the Queen of that."

5. Jonathan Potash

TupacPolice Tape

"Being that he had the top selling CD's in the world and was starring in major motion pictures, which made him a rap and film star," Potash reasoned as motivation to target Pac. "He was also engaged to the daughter of Quincy Jones, a well-established and respected person in the entertainment business, which increased his popularity. He had very close relationships with his extended Black Panther Party family, who acted as his mentors...Of course [the government killed Tupac.] They orchestrated his assassination."

***It's too f*cking hot to be blogging, doggies. So let's keep this sh*t simple. ENJOY THE WEEKEND! LMFAO! -BB***

[Editor's Note: The views expressed in this column do not necessarily reflect those of SOHH]

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