Pulse Report: Eminem Crushes Rick Ross' Record, Kanye West Stunts On Your No. 1 Rapper, Shyne Is A Lost One

Friday, Jul 30, 2010 12:00PM

Written by Bulldog Butterworth

In this week's Pulse Report, doggies, we're gonna take that a** back a week and watch Eminem shut up Bulldog Butterworth and Rick Ross, peep Kanye West making friends, bid farewell to the memory of Shyne and oh SOHH much more!

1. You Already Know

SMFH @BulldogButters. F*ck all you doggies right off the bat b/c we all KNOW that 5-0 Cent bought those extra Recovery albums just so that the BOSS would look dumb as h*ll falling to Eminem, right? LMFAO. Yeah, I know, I'm just blowing steam up everyone's a** b/c anyone in their right mind should know that Eminem can't be knocked off by the authorities. SMFH. D*mn, is it me or did y'all also think that Ross stood a chance against Eminem in this SoundScan battle? How the h*ll does one of his biggest debut-selling albums come so close to No. 1 and then get put as second best? Port of Miami (2005) No. 1. Trilla (2008) No. 1. Deeper Than Rap (2009) No. 1. Teflon Don (2010) No. 2. SMH... F*ck. Even some of the other websites said that the album war was a done deal hours before those official numbers came in.

1. Rick Ross' Teflon Don: 188,816. 2. Eminem's Recovery: 187,968. 3. Sheryl Crow's 100 Miles From Memphis: 55,467. 4.Drake's Thank Me Later: 49,118.

^ WTF? Let's not jump too much over me being RIGHT at this point, b/c it was only a matter of time before the real sh*t came in and made me look dumb as sh*t. But before y'all peep these numbers, let's just get this straight: I f*cks with Eminem hardbody but nothing has been messing with Rick Ross these past few years. Not only is the top doggy atop the rap competition but he's got some of the biggest co-signs in rap. Right now he's on the cover of magazines, not falling into the bullsh*t rap beefs and rocks the flyest Jordans since hearing a Lil Wayne freestyle, ya dig?

Eminem And BrunoRick Ross

Grammy-winning rapper Eminem's Recovery has continued its reign atop the charts at No. 1 with 187,200 sold copies. According to Nielson SoundScan, the rapper's latest solo effort has sold 1,669,600 units after five weeks on the charts. Def Jam juggernaut Rick Ross' Teflon Don opened up this week at No. 2. Making his first non-number one solo debut, the "Boss" was able to shell out 176,700 pieces after seven days in stores.

^ SMFH Thanks @CyrusKLanghorne for having to put this sh*t up b/c a day prior I had everyone kissing the ring. LOL. Nah, j/k doggy, but on some real sh*t, let's keep it 100. RICK ROSS selling over 176K in seven days in f*cking 2010? Yeah doggies, I'm rolling with Ross' inaccurate proclamation the night before, too:

no.1 album in the country..#TEFLONDON!!!!->http://tinyurl.com/23ykhvo

Best sh*t I've heard in 2010 to this point. Quote me doggies. Curren$y's sh*t is hard body too. "Booooooooooooooooooosssss!!!!!!!!!!!"

2. Why Can't We Be Friends

SMFH. Kanye F*CKING West is back, doggies! Now y'all are probably gonna hate on this sh*t but f*ck it, this entire post is gonna be dedicated to Yeezy returning to his place of prominence, on top of your iTunes! Well, technically we haven't heard but a couple of freestyles from him but, well, let's start from the jump, doggies.......

Kanye Meets Facebook

Kanye West has been showing up in all sorts of random places including LeBron James' NBA announcement, alongside King Tut's great-grandmother, and now the Facebook headquarters. Mr. West, in a designer suit, stopped by the social networking website's Palo Alto, Calif., offices on Tuesday (July 27) to perform four songs from his fifth album, including "Mama's Boyfriend," "Lost in the World," "Chain Heavy," and "Sweat on My Face." Watch him entertain atop a cafeteria table below.

D*mmmmmmmmm.......Facebook down & now Twitter AFTER signing up? Sh*t!

Kanye West Meets Twitter

^ F*ck a commentary, KANYE WEST IS BACK, DOGGIES!!! Good looks to Rap-Up for posting up the vids.

Kanye WestKanye West (Twitter Performance)

3. Rest In Peace: Shyne

Shine, Shine, Shine, what the f*ck is wrong with you doggy? I wanted to put your a** in the "SHUT THE F*CK UP" post when you popped off about Puffy but now this, you going and calling out 5-0 Cent...AGAIN....and then Rick Ross, the motherf*cking Boss? Even worse, you talk dumb sh*t after that nightclub Grand Theft Auto shoot-out? SMFH. No doggy, you get this whole motherf*cker dedicated to you, Shine. SMH.

Shyne Versus The City of New York

ShyneLegal Gavel

"I can tell you I was defending myself and the muthaf*ckas that was with me," Shyne explains. "Listen, I live my life for what's right. When I grew up, death and harsh consequences and spending the rest of your life in the pen is a matter of fact. It's not somethin' that you read about in the newspaper...In my life, when I make decisions to roll, I roll. And I don't give a f*ck what the consequences are. If I'ma defend myself, I'ma defend myself. If somebody tryna kill or hurt one of my partnas or my comrades that's with me, there is no, 'Yo... or D*mn, well, if I pull this sh*t out, this is what's gonna happen.' No! I don't wanna die. I don't wanna be laid up in no f*ckin' hospital with a tube runnin' through me, hurtin' and sufferin'. Pain is real. So you know what? I'm not doin' that. You gon' do that, muthaf*cka. You gon' roll and say hi to Satan, not me. And that's that. After the fact, you deal with it. Your survival instincts tell you to protect and preserve, and you deal with whatever later."

Shyne Versus 5-0 Cent & Rick Ross

Shyne50 Cent & Rick Ross

"I be smoking trees in Belize when they find me," Shyne raps, "Dude, dude, did everything he said, I'm about a dollar what the f*ck is 50 Cents...They want to know what I'm up to, sh*t, I'm living like I'm accustomed -- in and out of customs, what the f*ck you thought fool, I'm a hustler, no, no, no, not the CO, bro, bro, it's the C-E-O..."

^ Doggies, this sh*t is half-retarded and half-dumb as sh*t. Guess they are both the same, right? SMFH. As y'all doggies can see, I'm keeping this week's Pulse Report short and to the point. One because ain't sh*t going on in rap this summer and two because it's been hot as sh*t this summer. LOL. Anyway, Shyne has officially confused my a**. I won't take back my feelings as him being the REALEST RAPPER ALIVE but he may also be the DUMBEST RAPPER ALIVE too. Maybe he's so f*cking real that he's retarded but saying you'd bust your gun in defense in a f*cking t*tty bar nightclub? Or even doing lame a** subliminals at 5-0 Cent who IS NOT relevant in rap anymore and Rick Ross who has even said he f*cks with you. Actually, aren't these two doggies on the SAME F*CKING LABEL??? LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Shyne, Shine, whatever the f*ck we call you, you're done. You're lost like Nas' inability to focus on conscious raps or shoot 'em up sh*ts. Is it you in Belize smoking trees or studying Bible chapters to help your country? SMFH. I can't call it doggies, y'all tell me. SMFH........

4. Mrs. Butterworth: Natasha Yi

Yes doggies, y'all already know that this has become the MOST popular sh*t on the Pulse Report. How do I know? Less hatin' a** commenters these past few weeks. LMFAO. No bullsh*t though doggies, to become a Mrs. Butterwroth, all you have to do is be f*cking fly as h*ll and have a couple photo shoots all over the Internet. Trust me, if it's this time next year and you haven't been featured as a Mrs. Butterworth, you're NOT that hot. Anyway, enough of my yappin', let's let Bob Barker's old girl run this sh*t:

Natasha YiNatasha Yi

Natasha YiNatasha Yi

Natasha YiNatasha Yi

Natasha Yi

^ D*mnnnnnn doggies, my Facebook wifey is NOT going to like this sh*t. LMFAO!!!!

5. "STFU" Honors

LMFAO. It's funny doggies b/c I keep wondering when/if some of these doggies are ever gonna hop on a record and scream, "F*ck Butters!!!" but I guess they know that would give me the most publicity and an excuse to get a raise. Anyway doggies, turns out we have another week with RAPPERS saying some retarded sh*t. Some wack a** producer thinking he can make records better than sh*t DJ Premier has done for Nas? What about some washed up R&B singer thinking he's too classy for a hot piece of a** like Amber Rose? SMFH....not enough, then explain a wacko Sega Genesis kid thinking he's making some point by checking into the looney pen. SMFH...oh yeah, might as well say welcome to "SHUT THE F*CK UP" Honors, doggies. Let the games begin.....

1. Bangladesh


"With a Nas record, typically to me, the songs will make the track good. It's not the track that makes the song good and that's what I want to bring. I want to bring the track and the song so that you're not only jamming to the beat with the words on it, but you can jam to the beat and the words and you can jam to the acapella with no beat to it. I think he's a great songwriter but sometimes his beats aren't as good as his songs. I want to bring that element where it's more aggressive, more heavy, something that's going to pay more attention to Nas in an area where he doesn't get looked at a lot."

2. DMX


"What's going on today is that I'm going to turn myself in...Me and my crew, we came to the conclusion that would be best. It was something that happened years ago, a driving infraction...I like L.A., I like the fans, I like to come out here to work. I wanna get that over with...It's one of the first steps in regaining everything I lost...My relationship with God has gotten so much stronger. He's always had his hand on me. He always guided me. I didn't always go where he wanted me to go. But he always had me. Now that I'm actually listening and being obedient, life is so much better."

3. Charles Hamilton

Charles HamiltonRick Ross & Jay-Z

"Basically my stay here [NY Presbyterian Mental Hospital] is like identical to my stay in the industry. As far as being the new guy in here having to deal with politics & people trying to control you. The critics would have to be the doctors and the rounds [medicine guys]. So you can say this is like an experiment to see if the industry is really like an asylum or if I was the one bugging. Some say the Industry is like High School but it's just like a [mental hospital]."

4. Omarion

OmarionAmber Rose

"No disrespect, but no Amber Rose for me. Everybody has their past - and don't get me wrong, I'm not judgemental at all - but I do like a certain amount of class...I'm not married. I'm chilling. At this moment I'm not (dating). I have friends that I converse with, and I have that male-female camaraderie, but there's no girlfriend at the moment."

5. Young Jeezy

Young JeezyT.I. & Jeezy

I don't think nobody should compare me to anyone, 'cause, at the end of the day, you've got a 'Pac, you've got Snoop, you got Tip, you got Wayne--there's only one Jeezy, man. Ain't nobody walked in these shoes but me. My level of intelligence and know-how, and being able to adapt, and being able to live, and being able to walk, and still be the same person that I was from day one-- that sh*t ain't somethin' that's just given to you, man. So, at the end of the day, I'm not worried by far, because I wouldn't even be here right now if it wasn't for me being and thinking the way that I am. So with that being said, you can't compare nothing to that. 'Cause I'll say it again: I done been 'round the world, 'round the block. Two things a n*gga can't tell ya is that I ran off on 'em or I owe 'em anything. It's been me the whole time, bruh. F*ck the music--let's take that out of the equation. It's nothing. Let's talk about life for a minute. Look where I came from. Look where I'm at. What do you compare to that? You let me know, and then I guess we'll have a comparison."

***D*mn, I promise doggies, I'll pick sh*t up for next week, even if I have to call G-Unit Records, or whatever imaginary fairy tale record company 5-0 says he's working at and tell him that he's not f*cking with Ross. Oh yeah, that's right, he's not responding to rap beef sh*t anymore, guess that doesn't mean he can't START it, right doggies? SMFH. F*ckin' lame a**. But anyway, do any of y'all know why the h*ll Nicki Minaj's debut is coming in November? F*ck, I know this sh*t is random as h*ll but something like that doesn't make sense. How the h*ll does Kanye West have a September release date and Nicki's a** is d*mn near winter? SMFH. Flop anyone? F*ck all that sh*t though, enjoy your weekend doggies and if y'all don't got the AC frosty, then hit a movie theater or go to the community pool/beach on some real sh*t. See y'all doggies in August! -BB***

[Editor's Note: The views expressed in this column do not necessarily reflect those of SOHH]

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