Pulse Report: Eminem Quiets Drake's Happiness, Amber Rose & Nick Minaj Body Shots Leak, Beanie Sigel Commits Career Suicide

Friday, Jun 25, 2010 11:45AM

Written by Bulldog Butterworth

In this week's Pulse Report, doggies, we're taking that a** back a good ol' seven days to witness Eminem stunt on Drake's 15 minutes of fame, lick our lips at Amber Rose and Nicki Minaj a** shots leaking, witness Beanie Sigel literally commit career suicide and oh SOHH much more!

[Editor's Note: The views of this column do not necessarily reflect those of SOHH.com]

1. The Real Slim Shady

F*ck Drake, Young Money too, how come? 'Cause this blogging money will just do. LOL. Nah, let me maintain the 100-200 Drake fans, don't catch feelings, doggies.......YET. Yeah, so my predictions went into the sh*tter (120,000/first-week) when we look at what Drake's Thank Me Later actually sold. SMFH...aight, I'll cut my bullsh*t lead-in and get right to it:

Drizzy's long-awaited, highly anticipated debut LP, Thank Me Later, had many fans and critics speculating that he might be able to sell one million records. The industry insiders at hitsdailydouble.com projected the Toronto talent to do about half, but now the legitimate numbers have been tabulated. According to the Nielsen SoundScan, the Young Money artist has sold 447,300 units, the biggest first week numbers of the year, so far.

^ Zzzzzzzzz.......okay, I guess Drake is gonna bury that wack a** "You'll thank me later (and buy more copies too)" bullsh*t excuse for an album title since he assumes he did decent numbers. Truth of the matter? LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! F*ck outta here! Let's be honest. No bullsh*t doggies, I'll take away my issues with Drake if y'all can do the same with your problems with me. Let's do the math. Drake's career took off in what, late 2008, maybe early 2009? Can't really recall when that So Far Gone sh*t dropped, but his a** was getting the co-signs early. The bidding war with the three major labels. "Best I Ever Had." A** munching relationship with Rihanna that made him look like an ill "G" while Chris Brown looked like a bum a** Ike Turner. Heavy co-signs from EVERYBODY. A feature on Jay-Z's The Blueprint III. Magazine covers (VIBE, FADER, XXL, etc...). Music videos. Guest features on albums for Timbaland, DJ Khaled, Baby, etc. Oh yeah, the f*cking "Forever" hit that had EVERYBODY that is f*cking relevant in rap on it (Kanye West, Eminem, Lil Wayne), etc....and let's not forget his BOSS saying that he was going to do 2 MILLION in one week, no bullsh*t. Now, take all that, put it in a f*cking blender and you tell me that doesn't pour out at least 750-900K in his first week? WTF? And to prove that Drake's a** really should just pipe the f*ck down? Look below:

Eminem And BrunoEminem (Recovery)

Offering conclusive proof that Marshall still matters, Eminem's aptly named Recovery will score the year's highest sales debut. Look for a total of between 590-615k for the Shady/Aftermath/Interscope album, easily beating Sade's 503k back in February. It could also beat his last album, Relapse, which sold 608k in its first week in May '09.

SMFH. WTF? First off, this sh*t ALSO leaked like Drake's album, so don't use that excuse. Second, how the f*ck does Em get an estimated gold-certifed album THAT fast? Third, this is NOT Eminem's comeback album, like Relapse, and he's still gonna do a sh*tload of records??? LOL!!!!!!!!! Come the f*ck on doggies, are you kidding me? That's not even possible. I f*ck with Em but didn't even bother to illegally download that sh*t from AlbumHunt b/c it's not even worth a full one-time play, sh*t is decent at best. So, I ask AGAIN, how the h*ll does a new artist ..... no, what the f*ck am I saying, how does THE BIG RAP STAR DRAKE do Kid Cudi x B.o.B. combined first-week status numbers??? I told y'all a few months back, Drake got way too f*cking cocky and all this backlashing at Olivia about the fake mixtape cut, saying Sade and Andre 3000 don't KNOW him well enough yet, blah, blah, blah.....get the f*ck outta here. I wish Young Money the best, but thanks to Em, this doggy's 15 minutes of fame got washed down. D*mn, up until Em's numbers, Drake would have had the biggest rap debut of the year....LOL, NOT anymore. Don't f*ck with Shady, Drizzy, you shoulda dropped that sh*t in the winter. LOL.

^ Just bullsh*tting with y'all. I bought Thank Me Later for my sister.

2. Death Certificate

Seriously, what the f*ck is going on with this doggy, the fat a** Broad Street Fooly? SMFH. Yeah doggies, you read it right from the intro, whoever was f*cking with Beanie Sigel in the past needs to come forward and pat this doggy on the back b/c it's officially lights out. If you thought the whole Jay-Z bullsh*t was just going to die out, well, you're right, it did. But now, the sideways bullsh*tting that's coming out of his mouth? SMFH. Big ups to my brother @IllSeed, homie gave a good break down of what is about to pop off:

Beanie SigelDrake

Beans, Beans, BEANS! I am a fan of Beanie Sigel...be clear! But at this point, I want the brother to let it go. Jay and whoever was down with the old Roc regime...he's got to move on or else there's no coming back! Beanie is supremely talented, but this ain't the way to show it! Anyway, I have been patently waiting for Beans to release his album and it seem there is a fitting title called The Closure. At any rate, if you want to see him diss Jay, praise Juelz and Dip Set and talk about slapping Drake...watch.

*Copies & Pastes the last clip that will go down as Beans' suicide message:

"Only thing I regret about that Roc-A-Fella sh*t was going at my n*gga Kiss," Beans said in an interview referencing his 2001 beef with Jadakiss. "I did that sh*t for you n*gga 'cause you were scared. You knew Kiss would have bit that a**. I should pull off my belt and whip that a**. You better watch who you worship, man...I know all that f*ggot sh*t you poppin' and the little slurs on Drake and them's records and I'ma tell y'all little motherf*ckers something, y'all keep letting that n*gga get on records and pop sh*t. I'ma start coming at cha'll little n*ggas. I'll smack the sh*t outta Drake b*tch a**. All y'all n*ggas, f*ck all y'all. This is Broad Street Bully, B. Sig, I have no problem seeing anybody on site."

^ SMFH. See, the sad sh*t that most of y'all don't even know is that I have family (not blood relatives) out in Philly that actually are down with Beans' camp and on the low, they're saying he's losing it. SMFH. Even worse is that doggy has a son that really isn't trying to be on that gangsta sh*t but when he talks this f*cking reckless, well, sh*t, you really put yourself at risk, Beans. Not only has he shown that Jay will never work with him, but his chances at inking a f*cking deal with the imaginary G-Unit Records with a boss that believes straight-to-DVDs are how you make money in the MOVIE INDUSTRY........SMFH...............yeah, even HE doesn't want to stand next to you right now, Beanie Bag. But see, you start calling out Jadakiss and then begin threatening rappers like Drake and J. Cole for having him on their records? Not trying to sound too much like a b*tch a**, but, U MAD? Beans is done, anyone who wants to argue differently, y'all know where to find me in the COMMENTS section but let me leave you with one more quick thing, yeah doggies, I actually want you to THINK about this sh*t so I'm saving ink, who is riding with Beans? Nah, f*ck that, let's take it one step further, who the f*ck is Beans looking to for support? ANY manager even if you're f*cking Kat Stacks' publicist/manager would tell you, "Hey Beans, just shut the f*ck up until we can get you a WSHH interview again. SMFH." Maybe he thinks he's doing something heroic but d*mn doggy, you've been running in a f*cking circle since October of last year and it's F*CKING SUMMER!!! WTF?

3. Give It Up

Sorry doggies, I know this sh*t is gonna start to feel like deja vu especially after you finally peep those extra a**/t*tty/face shots of Nicki Minaj in the next section, but we gotta take a quick stop at Fat Joe's funky a**. WTF? Let's forget about how f*cking bad I roasted his a** last week by explaining why his a** got three strikes and should be thankful to leave rap by just barely dodging a concussion. SMFH. And yet, he ceases to amaze me with the amount of dumb sh*t he surrounds himself with. Actually, maybe he's just cursed, b/c no groupie...NO GROUPIE....would f*ck with Fat Joe, just ask Kat Stacks:

Fat JoeVideo Vixen

At approximately 12:46 AM, Madison Police were dispatched to the 400 block of N. Lake Street reference allegations of a sexual assault. After police arrived on scene, allegations by a 33-year-old female involved the entourage of Joseph Cartagena (AKA "Fat Joe"), after a hip hop concert at the Orpheum Theater on 6/20/2010. The concert started at 7pm at The Orpheum Theater (located at 216 State Street), and shortly after the concert had concluded, a 33-year-old female found herself inside of a Cadillac Limousine with Joseph Cartagena and other male subjects all with the destination of a hotel located on Madison's west side. There were allegations of inappropriate touching involving the female, and after some time had elapsed, the female reported this matter to Madison Police. Cartagena was questioned along with others in his entourage. Detectives briefly detained subjects involved in this matter, and released parties after interviews were completed.

^ Long story short? Sexual assault on some chick in Wisconsin. Now is it me or do y'all think that a gang of rowdy New York rappers making their way into the f*cking cheese state and a place where you're more likely to find a man f*cking a cow and then f*cking his wife on the same night would be the most polite of gentleman and not get caught up in some sticky sh*t like this? SMFH. F*ck outta here! But of course, we gotta hear the "other" side of the story:

"Rapper Joseph Cartagena, known as Fat Joe, members of his entourage and security staff were briefly questioned by members of the Madison, Wisconsin Police Department who were investigating false allegations made by a woman who initially posed as a fan and later claimed to be the victim of an assault after demanding money. At no point did Mr. Cartagena or any member of his entourage assault or have any improper contact with the woman. It is truly unfortunate that false allegations such as these cause the public to doubt the claims of actual victims of sexual assaults."

^ Good job, Joey. Get your f*cking publicist to release a statement not even from you? LOL. Look, married or not, I don't give a f*ck, but I'll tell you this, the sh*t seems more suspect than that Angelina Jolie movie, Changeling, and I got money that says some f*ckery took place on behalf of Joe. Oh, and to make sh*t even funnier, this clown even posted a link to some f*cking PBS interview he did talking about family life, A DAY after the sh*t popped off AND he deleted a tweet that said, "On my way to Wisconsin!" but that was probably for PR purposes, huh? SMFH.

My daughter's still young, and unfortunately she has a father who isn't a regular father. If I was a 9-to-5 guy she would never be around video stuff, but since this is what I do she has to come to the studio and to my job at the video. Even as a father it's a gift and curse, because yeah, we want to be rich and famous and to give our families whatever we want, but everything has a catch 22. I'm jealous of the fathers that have a 9-to-5 and come home after work to know what their kid's homework looks like, how their daily living activities were and they get to watch certain shows with them. I can't do that. On Father's Day [June 20] I have a show in Wisconsin - I can't celebrate Father's Day with my family because I'm busy paying the bills. The only thing I regret about having this career is not being able to spend as much time with my kids as I would love to.

^ .... "I have a show in Wisconsin...." LOL. Ring Crack up, this doggy is done, too. Make space Beanie Bag!

4. You. Owe. Bulldog Butterworth

D*mn.............................

Nicki Minaj

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.....and if you thought THAT sh*t was hot, then turn your heads, PAUSE, to Amber Rose.

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......d*mn, if only there were ONE thing that could top that........right now......?

Drake - Best I Ever Had from JaseyRae on Vimeo.

5. "STFU" Honors: Special Edition

You got it doggies, there were definitely five RAPPERS that should have got their a**es handed down to them for talking about record deal DEMANDS, straight-to-F*CKING-DVD releases, not getting on a magazine cover b/c of POLITICS (SMFH), staying a "G" while in jail and having a blog about love/motivation...SMFH......but f*ck all that, I saw this today and decided to allow that dirty sex-talking b*tch Khia get the whole entire section to herself as she proves that blogging about sex is the clearest indication that your career is in the sh*tter. D*mn.

KhiaSex, Cameras, And Hip Hop

Fifty percent [of a relationship] is love and the other 50% is sex, so if he's only lasting sixty seconds, it's not gonna work.

A man should always have enough discipline to control his orgasm. There's no way you can please her if as soon as you get in, you're cumming all over the place. [That means] you don't have enough respect or love for her to wait. He needs to jack off and get that first one out the way so we can have fun the second round.

Usually what starts the blast [is that the man] gives good head and by the time he puts it in, he's so ready to blast off and it takes away from the sex. So even if he goes down on you really, really good, maybe he needs to blast off while he's giving the head, let it get hard again and work it out.

I can feel when a man is about to cum-- if he starts tightening up or acting like he's about to have an exorcism... back up and slow it down. If your guy's not a stranger, you should know when he's about to blast off. Tell him to talk to you so you [can say] 'Okay go ahead' or 'Hold on wait for me.'

But for a one-minute man, once they get behind [you] it's a wrap. If you've already got yours then let him go to the back and be like 'Okay baby, just have fun.' You can be roughed up, swinging from the chandelier, whatever, but once he gets to the back... it's over. So women, get on top, play with yourself, bust when you want to bust, then let him get to the back. But if for some stupid reason you really don't care, let him lay there and cum all over himself. Enjoy.

^ *SHUT THE F*CK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

***D*mmmmmmmn doggies, sorry to leave Khia's nasty a** stuck on the tips of your tongues, but I want to say THANK-YOU F*CKING MUCH for rolling with the top doggy in this sh*t b/c as it turns out, Pulse Report topped the MOST LOVED section last week and y'all got me approval from @sohhdotcom to introduce my latest addition, not sure what to call it, but as you can see in No. 4, I'm trying to let @sohhdotcom give me another section within Pulse that lets me put up photos. They believed in me for "STFU" and depending on how this week goes, I will either get full approval or just a week-by-week basis for the section. Any f*cking way, big ups to all the doggies still f*cking around in the comments and to all my REAL doggies out there too busy to comment, I appreciate the time, hope my harsh a** words let out a chuckle or force you to support your favorite rapper that I'm calling out even more. LOL. Enjoy the weekend doggies! -BulldogGY Butterworth***

[Editor's Note: The views expressed in this column do not necessarily reflect those of SOHH]

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