Pulse Report: T.I. Heads Home, Bow Wow Stays B*tching, Asher Roth Gets Caught W/ His Pants Down

Friday, Dec 25, 2009 4:00PM

Written by Bulldog Butterworth

In this week's Pulse Report, we got sh*t locked and stocked from the last week as T.I. shoots back home, Bow Wow keeps Tweet b*tching, Asher Roth is gay rapper suspect number one, Kanye West is back on his bullsh*t and Rosa Acosta's sexxxy KING Magazine photos revealed...here.

[Editor's Note: The views of this column do not necessarily reflect those of SOHH.com]

1. Kingdom Come

"The King is back..." (c) King, 2006. D*mn, shawwty, you f*cking with me? Is Tip really back in the A-Town like he forgot his Louis rag? Sh*t yes! When I heard about this news y'all, I got SOHH happy that I decided to not even f*ck around and toss 5-0 Cent into my posting this week. Aiight, for the grip of y'all still not understanding what it is that I says to you, LOL, turns out Mr. May is, in fact, down South again in the halfway house turning sh*t up to a hundred, thousand, trillion. D*mn, @XXLMag, y'all got props on this sh*t.

"He was released this morning from his place of incarceration in Arkansas," attorney Steve Sadow said in an interview. "As I understand it, he's on his way back to the Atlanta area. He has to report to a halfway house in Atlanta sometime this evening. And he will then spend somewhere between the next two or three months in a halfway house, ending his Buruea of Prison sentence. A halfway house is more along the lines of a residential dormitory. You live within this house that is broken into areas for living, and you are permitted to leave during the day for certain reasons of which would be employment, medical reasons, things of that nature, and you return to the halfway house in the evening. So it's a restriction on your liberty but it's a way for you to reenter into society and not be confined within a jail type institution 24-hours a day."

D*mn, this sh*t is f*cking serious. Oh, and in case y'all think I'm bullsh*tin', look at this:

LMFAO. I mean, d*mn, I know he won a Grammy but you got the f*cking Associated Press out for dude JUST going to a halfway house when Shyne did mad years and barely got MediaTakeOut to stir some hype up? F*ck is wrong with this politics game, man? Oh, and in case y'all thought Tip was missing that Tiny loving back in Arkansas, looks like he might be crushing some of that gushy stuff before he ties the knot with ol' girl:

Bart Borders, who is out on work pass until 10:30 p.m. on weeknights and 11:30 p.m. on weekends, said the facility holds about 120 male inmates and 20 females. "But they have to stay on their side," said Bart. "The only time we get to interact with (the females) is around meal time." He said the halfway house has two TV rooms and two living rooms, and the food there isn't worth writing home about. "The food ain't worth nothing. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches," he said. "But T.I. has his own money, he can order out." Bart, who manages rapper T. Waters, a So So Def artist, said T.I. probably won't be able to leave on work release until after the New Year. But even then, he's not allowed to work for himself or for his family. So he can't work for Grand Hustle or any company he owns. "If I see him when I get there I'll tell him wherever he work at to make as least money as possible, because they getting 25% of his gross."

Big ups to my girl @SandraRose, that was a dope a** exclusive. Who says you need a fancy a** microphone and some camera dudes, homegirl went in and got sh*t the news sites can't even get. Big ups mama. Now look, I can already see some of the comments and thoughts going on in y'all heads, so stop the "snitching" angle and Yung LA jokes right now, Tip is just a few months from being back with his Grand Hustle family and really turning sh*t up another notch, Emeril style. Respect that dude.

2. Do You Really Wanna

The b-the-i-the-t-the-c-.......nah, that sh*t is too hard to censor, but let me put some sh*t into perspective real quick. And yes, before I go about all the ways Bow Weasel (sorry @bowwow614, I call a spade a spade, it just is what it is (c) Jay-Z, Blueprint II) is a bird, let me point out that "yes" I do understand that Support Online Hip Hop (SOHH) should "fire" me as some of y'all argue for keeping sh*t a hundred and then some, but hip-hop has gotten to the point where there's too many Vlad Divac's, too many great f*cking actors that need to go and get Oscars. So blame them before anyone else and then blame yourself for falling for a grip of this bullsh*t, I'm just here to point it out. Now with that said...when is Bow Wow going to off himself from Twitter like his BFF Chris Brown? Firing your entire management team? Dissing one of the most legendary (and your new boss' favorite dude) radio veterans in the WORLD, Tim Westwood? SMFH.....

"In one of those 'please dont f*** with me moods' today," Bow Wow revealed Thursday (December 17) afternoon. "Im firing all managers! Im taking the ray allen approach! Im managing myself. Who knows me better than me? I know this game very well...chilling with my aunt ant and @guesswhojus booking studio for the next 2 months...Just got off the phone with -->@realwizkhalifa we bout to do something major! look out for it."

Uh-huh...for a minute I was mad as sh*t that @sohhdotcom would even give this dude a lane to speak in since he got his a** whooooped by @ihategame in Madden 08. But f*ck it, I'm glad they did b/c it let everyone see this Cash Money boy-boy is still b*tching even after leaving his record label a few months ago. Oh, ya'll don't remember the stunt he pulled?

"Everybody in the office at Columbia Records, do me a favor. My fans, they see it. They recognize it. They see you guys ain't working as hard as you guys used to work back in 2000. It's a big difference, they see it...Can you please grant me this one wish? Columbia, can you please grant me this wish and let me go? That's all I'm asking, please let me go. Please, please, please, please, please, please. Thank y'all, I'm out."

LMFAO...okay, so maybe I put that video up on purpose, but regardless, "please, please, please...." and oh yeah, this was after he announced being retired from rap, remember that? SMFH....this dude never fails to amaze me. But going at Tim Westwood? No, no, no little little man.

"I agree with @50cent," Bow Wow wrote. "This n*gga tim westood always try n sturr up sh*t. then when he interview me its gone be a diff story. cm ym FACT: TIM Never question a maf*ka who got money. i been making money since i was in huggies bro. i should be asking you if u rent sh*t."

*Blank stare* And at the end of the day? The one thing that makes me wish him and Lil Romeo could swap places right now:

"My problem is im too nice to folk in the industry. Im always doing things for others i forget to think "what i wana do" im thinkn bout me! By me not having no dad i will make mistakes When yall see me say stupid sh*t i dont mean it. Understand im teaching my self how 2 be a man Thats the dark cloud dats over me everyday. Be 23 yrs old. No man neva taught me how to treat women, nothing. Ill grow jus takes time 100 zz Wished err body took da chance to really f*ck wit me or get to know me for they wana hate ona young brother tryna get by in this crazy world."

Make note of this readers, Bow Wow is banned from Pulse Report. "Be 23 yrs old." Been there, done that little man. "No man neva taught me how to treat women." Guess what, I never had a father in my life either but had my girls laced and taken care of always. "took da chance to really f*ck wit me." LMFAO. Guess that Cash Money deal ain't what it's cracked up to be, huh? F*ck outta here with your blood clot crying.

3. The Gay Rapper

Okay, y'all wanna know the truth? I f*cks with Asher Roth.......LMFAO, yeah right. But whether I f*ck with his music or not, let me be honest. When I saw those rumors about dude going to make his announcement on E! News or whatever the case was, I was actually kinda proud. Like, f*ck it, go ahead doggy and make history. It sounded like sh*t may have been legit. An unofficial confirmation here, few credible gossip blogs there, eh, sh*t looked like we were going to see something go down. But nah, this was "alleged" bullsh*t from jump street. So let's keep it political and see what both his "executive" LMFAO --> DJ Vlad and Roth had to say to this unexpected sh*t.

"As Executive Vice President of Loud.com / SRC Records, I would like to address the recent internet rumors about Asher Roth: Asher Roth is not gay, and is not scheduled to be interviewed on the E! Channel. Furthermore, Asher has not been dropped from SRC Records, and is a top priority at the label after having sold over a million copies of his 'I Love College' single. Asher is currently working on his next album for SRC. DJ Vlad Executive Vice President Loud.com / SRC / Universal CEO, VladTV"
"I hate to disappoint and take away the entertainment of it all but I am straight, not gay. It's disheartening to know such "news" on someone's personal life can be portrayed as fact with no viable source. This, to me, is an opportunity to expose our vulnerability to lies and manipulation through unprofessional and irresponsible news outlets, in which people consider TRUTH. Further, someone's sexual orientation should NEVER be big news, as it delivers a troubling message to children that they can't be themselves without fear of judgment. Race, creed, and sexual persuasion should not just be tolerated but understood and accepted. It's extremely disappointing that this topic would be used with the intention of being hurtful. We are near 2010....2010!! Yet race, sex and religion still play a major role in a hate driven society. For the love of the future and humanity....let's wake up."

Now look, I'mma keep it simple and say dude didn't just "get" chosen like that. I mean, come the f*ck on. Pleasure P and Shane Sparks with kids? Asher Roth with boys? LMFAO. Oh sh*t, big ups again to some of those Caption Diss contributions so far:

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LMFAO. But regardless, I read some of y'all talking about the statement and wondered what the big deal is? Are you f*cking stuuuuupppid? All the bullsh*t hype about Kanye West being gay back in 2005/2006? Lloyd Banks' "...like the gay rapper" mixtape punch lines? F*ck outta here. But for that simple fact, just peep some of this gay x rappers sh*t I came across from checking SOHH's archives.

"The gay community is here," Nore said in an interview. "It's not secretive. When you're in the industry and the minute you make a certain amount of money, you cannot avoid it...And the craziest thing in the world is you get used to it...They don't bother you, son, most gay men don't like straight guys...I have recorded, not with people who are openly gay, but people who are closet gays. I've got songs, you know, Google it. I'm positive I have worked with a gay rapper. I didn't know [beforehand] but when I found out, I didn't jump off a diving board into a pool full of sharks. It is what it is."
"As far as haters, for you to sit behind a computer and just give off hate, and I didn't mean it as far as potentially you being gay, it's just almost like a gay act," Juelz Santana explained. "It was really just for the haters...And when I mean gay, it's no offense to gay people once again, because I have gay people that work around me. I'm comfortable, I do my business with them."
"I heard I offended the homosexual community," Rick Ross said. "I sincerely apologize to the people I've offended...And just to let the gay community know how sincere I am with my apologies, I'm offering and willing to do a record with an openly gay artist such as Curly, Curtis Jackson, 50 Cent...Even Elton John...Both two great gay artists...So now all the gays, we good. Peace."

Bottom line is that the gay issue is gonna be big and even though I think sh*t is type suspect and that Roth wasn't "randomly" chosen to be a gay scapegoat rumor, I believe we gotta prepare ourselves to be understanding to the situation when Sisqo an emcee comes clean. Moving on...

4. Back On My Bullsh*t

Everyone, if y'all didn't f*ck around with @sohhdotcom this week, I hope y'all at least saw Kanye West make his return on some real ill reckless sh*t the other night from YouTube or a blog. D*mmmmmmmmnnnn, Ye is that really you???!!!!

"I had to get up out this motherf*cker for a second," Ye told the crowd. "I love the game so much and I'm so passionate about it that I just can't take this sh*t sometimes. And if they take everything away from me it wouldn't f*cking matter. Artists be too concerned about their well-being sometimes. Artists be too scared to stand up for something. They scared to lose they f*cking house or they scared to lose their record deal. I sold my soul to the devil, I know it's a crappy deal/At least it came with a few toys like a Happy Meal."

LMFAO!!! Yeah Ye!!!!! I knew my dude would rebound from that bullsh*t. LMFAO. And oh yeah, I'm already co-signing them reports saying dude is gonna Lamar Odom that white chick.

Kanye is reportedly planning on tying the knot with the former stripper sometime next year in the Caribbean. A friend told the Britain's Daily Star newspaper: "He has really bonded with her since losing his mother and needs another strong woman in his life." Apparently they're going to stay in a eight-bedroom villa in the Dominican Republic for the romantic occasion. The friend added, "He's very serious, otherwise he wouldn't be spending that much money on her."

Bottom line? Ye is back. Enough said.

5. KING of Queens

Only because I knew I'd end up writing too much for y'all this Christmas holiday posting, I decided to do some extra ordinary sh*t and in honor of my favorite print magazine making a comeback, let's appreciate Rosa Acosta's assets while sippin' on some egg nog.

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You're welcome, and ladies, as my man Drake would say, Les-Bi-Honest.....you're f*cking with the girl, too.

***Yeah, I took a cop out with Rosa Acosta, but f*ck it, I still got some late a** Christmas presents to get before the fam comes through. Regardless of the holiday (if any) y'all are reppin' this year, I wanna thank-you all for f*cking with me and whether hate or love, understanding that this sh*t is bigger than me, I can't do it without y'all and I hope I'm giving everyone a reason to take a break from the politics behind the bullsh*t and laugh it up a bit in Pulse Report. Until 2010 fools, I love y'all. Pause @AsherRoth***

No Junk Mail!

[Editor's Note: The views expressed in this column do not necessarily reflect those of SOHH]

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