Columns: Fat Joe Hospitalizes 50 Cent, T-Pain Kisses Jay-Z's A**, Kanye West's Fame Kills & Nas Is A Shook One
Friday, Oct 2, 2009 4:50PM
In this week's Pulse Report, we're going throwback over the past seven days to check out how Fat Joe bodied 50 Cent, why Jay-Z is asking T-Pain how his a** taste, to learn how fame killed Kanye West, why Nas is "shook" and much more.
[Editor Note: The views of this column do no necessarily reflect those of SOHH.com]
1. Beef Re-Loaded
50 Cent and Fat Joe. SMH... here we go again, are you f*cking kidding me? Just when you think Mr. Ferrari is done clowning the "Elephant" and Crack is a wrap, the Fat Gangsta ends up putting 50 in the hospital? Well, I'll let Tony Yayo explain what went down on Monday (September 28):
"On my way to the hospital. Keep 50 in ya'll prayers. Let's see him thru this. 50 rushed to the hospital here are the details blahblahblahblah."
Well, turns out Fat Joe had a little something to do with 50's health conditions according to the link:
This afternoon while in his Manhattan offices, employees say that 50 Cent was listening to Fat Joe's new album, J.O.S.E. 2 when all the sudden, he collapsed! An ambulance was called, and by the time they arrived, 50 Cent regained consciousness and was complaining of blurred vision and a severe migraine. 50 Cent was rushed to Mt. Sinai hospital at 4:26 pm. Doctors say after performing a Cat Scan and EKG there seems to be some damage to his auditory cortex, which is the region of the brain that is responsible for processing sound.
Honestly, I f*ck with G-Unit and Terror Squad. When you look at it, both camps have fallen off... HARD! While The Game and Young Buck are history, so are Remy Ma, Prospect, Armageddon, Tony Sunshine...well, you get the point...SOHH it's all a matter of...who cares? And definitely not me, which is why 50 can make fun of Joe's new album all he wants but, hey @50Cent, when is your December 2008-slated album dropping? (And don't give me that November bullsh*t either) SILENCE...thank-you, thank-you, thank-you, you're far too kind. But it doesn't end there, even after all the clown videos, Crack decides to become a victim and respond on Twitter:
"Tell 50 to get off my D*CK already," Joey Crack wrote Tuesday (September 29) morning. "he was sick that my album is SO HOT that real music not that wack sh*t him and his clowns are making!!"
Ha! Since Dr. Dre is too busy doing push-ups and testing out HP software, 50 decided to keep the camera rolling and add some more
badly combined spoof skits:
"Yo, what's up, this is 50 Cent, I just wanna thank everybody for showing their support with all the 'Get Well' wishes I got from ThisIs50.com," Fif said in a video. "Yesterday, I listened to Fat Joe's record, and it hurt me. And I told you people, not to listen to his music, and some people didn't listen. And look what happened. Young Buck tried to ride his motorcycle after listening to Fat Joe's record and look what happened...The skate boarders. The people riding their bikes. There's people playing the music trying to work out. It's terrible. [crying] Fat Joe's record is the worst thing to ever happen to hip-hop. And it hurts, it hurts bad because I love hip-hop. I don't know what else to say, I mean, everywhere. This is happening all over the place, and it's because his music sucks so bad. It's gonna kill people. Don't listen to it, please, please."
If you ask me, Fat Joe needs to stop acting like he's New York-bred and go get Scott Storch a much needed tan, plus, 50, this isn't going to help you sell more than 300,000 in your first week sales. Lastly, in Joe's defense, 50, "Your new mixtapes...they..they JUST SUCK!!!" *Re-plays No Mercy, No Fear on iTunes*
2. Beg For Mercy
God d*mn, what the f*ck happened where these rappers are being so got d*mn sensitive these days? Apology after f*cking apology. You would have thought T-Pain got his message across after the COUNTLESS amounts of radio interviews he did but since the only thing he's got going right now is that irritating Mullage single (SMH if you know what I'm talking about), Auto-Tune's stepson decided to drop a few 16's off Drake's "Successful" beat to Jay:
"So that Nuvo got me poppin' sh*t," Pain says on the song. "All right, so let's talk about this Jay sh*t/Somedays I wish that I ain't never say sh*t/And Diddy said ain't no excuse for what I did/But I felt like he was knocking the same sh*t that feeds my kids/I do music 'cause I need it to make my world spin/So when you down it, it's like you dissing my girlfriend/And Jay one of the only n*ggas I hear bringin' it/So I didn't think that he would even entertain the sh*t/'Cause entertainment is see through/But if you really feel like I'm dead, then n*gga me too/I ain't tryna write your rhymes/But you coulda skipped one DJ and all you had to say was 'T-Pain, we cool'/But by all means don't that this as a diss or hatin'/I just wanna explain my side of the situation/So if you knew just how much respect I had/You'd know that I'm a real n*gga when I say, 'My bad.'"
If you thought that sh*t was bad, here's some honorable mention apologies from this week courtesy of 50 Cent and Mase.
"During an interview with Angie Martinez yesterday, certain comments I made were taken entirely out of context. When I referred to the Lady Gaga tour as the 'gay tour' I was basically repeating what I thought she had referred to the tour in the past. It was not my intention to offend anyone. I don't have a problem with anyone's lifestyle and have no issue with Lady Gaga, she makes great music." (Take a guess --> 50 Cent!)
"[Me and Mase] definitely reunited as friends, he called me and one day said he wanted to apologize for a lot of things we had been through," Diddy explained in an interview. "And I totally accepted his apology. A lot of people didn't understand the hold-up with his contract and everything is that he decided to break out and become a preacher, God bless Mase."
3. Fame Kills...Literally
Call it irony or just call it Karma, but d*mn Yeezy keeps catching "L's" like he's playing on the Chicago White Sox these days. Granted, we all are tired as f*ck about this Video Music Awards 2009
staged rant, but for his tour with Lady Gaga to get shut down?
Breaking: Kanye West and Lady Gaga's "Fame Kills" tour is canceled guys. It's official. Refunds avail at point of purchase.about 4 hours ago from CoTweet Live Nation Twitter
But you have to admit, this sh*t was kinda predictable after his chicken wing outburst at Common's benefit concert last weekend. And I can't front, I would have thrown down some $$$ to see a nip slip from Gaga based on how she described the tour:
The storyline is that Kanye is on one end of the stage and I'm on the other, and the whole show, we are trying to get to where each other is," she said. "I want something that he has, which is the fame, and he wants something that I have, which is home, and my humble beginnings. So we battle each other throughout the entire performance to steal each other's spaces." "So I'm essentially on a quest to kill Kanye West to steal his fame."
4. Shook Ones Part III
LMFAO. Nasty Nas is scared to get personal on wax? Nah, really? Well, sh*t dun, maybe he finally realized all those bogus rhymes he's been spitting on his records might need to get a bit real this time around. What's up God's Son?
"This is a record that, right now, I'm scared of making," Nas said of the album. "I don't know what's gonna happen, as far as I don't know what I'm gonna say. I feel like I've put so much of my personal life out there, and I feel like I'm one of the sort of guys you don't really hear about [though] paparazzi or fan magazines all the time. But I just feel like my life is so much out there [now] that it's kind of like -- man, I don't even know how to put into words how I feel about putting this record together. I'm a little nervous, to tell you the truth. That's all I can say."
In his defense, besides that sweet nip slip of his
estranged-turned-confused wife Kelis (I owe you one @RapRadar), Nas sounds like he has bigger things on his plate...you could even say presidential matters:
"Yes and no," Nas said about being offered the Def Jam presidency. "I don't know what's in store for the future. I'm happy to do whatever makes sense. I would love to add on and help hip-hop, I feel Def Jam is a great label for hip-hop music but I feel they could be doing a lot more for hip-hop, that's what it's about. Obviously people they have, have their own agendas and own direction and I respect that too. I think I can add on but I don't know, at this point and time, I'm just taking it day-by-day, I'm not getting too caught up into all of that."
Nas running things at Def Jam? So not only did LL get sh*tted on by Jay-Z getting the spot in 2005, but now a fellow Queens, New York kid with horrible acting skills and a couple hot albums may be up next? D*mn, maybe I'm getting In Too Deep.
5. We Major
Interscope is THE F*CKING HOTTEST label!!! So let's say Nas 'does' get the presidency slot, Interscope still makes Def Jam look like freshmen, 25 years or not, because Diddy is now an official artist of Jimmy Iovine's label:
"I had started some previous business relationships with Jimmy Iovine," Diddy said in an interview. "We had a great chemistry with each other. When I sat down with Julie [Greenwald, Atlantic COO] and told them that I had an interest to go sign with Jimmy and they didn't make it rough for me. Lyor [Cohen, WMG Chairman] and Julie were nice enough to let me get my [Bad Boy] name. I was able to take the name over to Interscope and to still in stay in business with them. I am not abandoning any of my artists over there, I still have that imprint. But all my future recordings, including my recording contract, that will be at Interscope Records...We are going to take our time with the amount of acts that we sign...We want to find those very unique artists. We want to build something very special that's not already out there."
Sorry Cassie, Day 26, Red Cafe...Daddy is GONE. And let's not even talk about
when, and not if Slaughterhouse joins a real major under the wings of Slim Shady's label. Because see, you fools got it confused, those ex-Shady artists were on the come-up, Joe Budden, Crooked I, Joell Ortiz and Eminem's BFF Royce Da 5'9 are rap veterans, they are ready for that big push. And please, stop the talk about 50 Cent leaving Interscope, his a** will be lucky if they try to offer a re-signing deal.
***Well, y'all, that was a lot of f*cking writing for you guys and some foul mouth language, but the good folks at SOHH.com are giving me, Bulldog Butterworth, a two-week trial for The Pulse Report and don't forget to check me out with Caption Diss! Just like Drake's "Fear" is to my good homie Archie Fucque's last posting, I hope y'all find my first inking as the transition to Thank Me, Later. And as a debut bonus, here are some extra goodies below. See y'all in seven days!***
BONUS: The [Real] Break-Up
D*mn Joe Budden, are you f*cking kidding me? I thought recording my ex-girlfriends getting nasty and putting them on DangWTF.com for revenge was bad, but you've crossed a whole 'nother level with the "real" footage of Tahiry breaking up with you. In case you guys missed it, turns out World Star Hip Hop stayed up late one night during a Budden BlogTV broadcast which shows "Jump-Off" re-playing their break-up:
SMFH...I loved "Pump It Up," but this fool is lame for that. Really, Joe? Really? Here are a few pulled quotes for you guys...
Joe Budden: "Quick update, today's Wednesday. I've not spoken to my girlfriend since Saturday but she went through my phone like a crazy Dominican woman. What the f*ck is she doing right now? So not only does she have my laptop, she has her laptop too.
Tahiry: "You better not start acting like you're not the f*cking insecure boyfriend that you are. Get the f*ck away from me. People think I'm crazy because I'm completely f*cking spazzing on camera but you're the f*cking retarded one, you just hide it well. Saying this crazy sh*t, 'Look at Tahiry with two f*cking laptops, she's retarded.' No n*gga, you're retarded. Give me my f*cking phone back and stop playing games with me...Stop recording me, I'm serious. [crying] I'm dead a** serious. You need f*cking help. Stop with this Twitter sh*t about me too because you're f*cking retarded..."
Long story short? He didn't Chris Brown ol' girl physically, but you can tell he was Pumpin' Up a bunch of bullsh*t into her head and it was time for her to keep it moving...she needs a real Spanish man in her life...hmm....maybe Mr. Loso wants to go another round?
BONUS: Brooklyn's Finest
Maino. Maino. Maino. Do you guys even realize how much of a threat Maino is to hip-hop? He reminds me of good ol' 50 Cent back in the summer of 2002...a hardcore street buzz and just raunchy as f*ck to name drop some fools in this rap game. Lil Cease? Check. Yung Bird --> Berg? Check. Joe Budden??? In an interview in some t*tty club, your favorite rapper's most feared rival spoke about Budden's a** whooping --> sucker punch that took place over the summer and did his best impersonations to son the Jersey City rapper.
"Listen, it's rap sh*t my n*gga, if you ain't peep that this WWE sh*t is going on, then you bugged," Maino said in an interview. "Like, look at what these n*ggas is doing, you got n*ggas with ice packs on their eyes making blogs. Like, if you got punched in the f*cking face, then you go on a DVD and put an ice pack on sh*t like 'Yeaah, I want a fair one.' Like, what kind of sh*t is that? Real talk, that don't make no sense to me, as a man. Now listen, okay thug life, okay Tupac, I feel you, but listen. I'm not saying I'm this and I'm that, but I'm just saying as a man, I couldn't do that. If I let a n*gga punch me in my face, I'm not gonna go on a blog and ask for a fair [one], I can have a fair one right then and there -- or I wouldn't be talking about it...I'm just saying, that's not what I do. I think it's foolish, I think that's h*e business. You know, ice packing it..."
....Budden? Check. Foxy Brown? SMH...check. After some early gossip and a wack a** two frame 18-second snippet showing a chick looking like Inga giving some, giving some, well, Maino made sure to go in on her too on the Twitter tip:
"I predicted it: Foxy and her sextape," Maino wrote Tuesday (September 22). "Go to youtube and type in foxybrown superhead and see tha washed up b*tch sucking d*ck. Hahaha...Listen, don't kill the messenger. I don't have nothing to do wit it. That's NOT my d*ck she's washing!!! I'm NOT the star or director of that movie people!"
Now some peeps are saying this sh*t has something to do with Maino being close (pause) with 50 Cent since he helped him get signed to Atlantic Records, others (Bulldog Butterworth) say Maino is that BK dude that just doesn't give a f*ck. He has the makings of a real Omar from "The Wire" minus thug lovin' other thugs, ya dig? Plus, he's got the co-sign from Rakim with his comeback album, the "King of the South" and Mr. Forbes 1, 2, 3...moving on.